On the other side
Last night I found out that my SM has been posting many responses to this website. I'm an adult SD with 2 kids of my own & a SD who is a teenagar as well. I'm extremely hurt by the comments made by her in regards to my family to include my birth mother. I undestand that this is to vent her feelings, the words she has been using are untruthful. She claims to be the victim in all this, without taking responsiblity for her own actions. To make a long story short she came into my BF's life when he was married for almost 30 years. So when he left my BM for her (SM), my ABS and I were very hurt. It did take a while for me to open up to & accept SM, but I did. I have two young children who she has wanted nothing to do with. Even though BF insisted her being called Grandma. I don't understand. She has made little to no effort with my dad's side - yet wants a Pitty Party. I've been nice & friendly towards her these last few years. So I don't understand how these cruel words came to play. I've learned a lot though through this. I have a teenage step daughter of my own & I know I can't replace & don't want to replace her mom. But I do want to make sure she knows that she is loved on both sides. I write this subject not as a downplay to her. I write this to show that being an adult step daughter isn't easy either. Especially when the SM doens't want to be part of SD & grandkids life.
Wondersad
I'm sorry you have come into this predicament. It's terrible that you feel situations and relationships have been mis-represented. As I do not know any specifics (I am NOT asking to have you divulge that info), I don't know how else to comment.
Perhaps this is a good time for the two of you to clear the air and discuss misunderstandings.
~ Formerly ToTheEdge. I have stepped down from the ledge.
How sad...
This is not a pleasant position to be in Wondersad. If it definately IS your SM, I would understand the hurt and pain you are feelinng, and I find it so sad that you had to read these things about your mother and family on a public forum. Is it possible to talk to your SM about this? I realize it would be a very uncomfortable discussion with her, but may help in clearing the air...?
Regardless if it is her or not - I would like to welcome you to the site. You are a SD, as well as a SM, and I'm sure your perspective will be appreciated by many of the members here.
((((HUGS))) to you.
LN
I've spent a great of time
I've spent a great of time today looking at many of her posts. She clearly wants my father to herself & any other family members he has she is threatened by. Her ridiculing my children who are only 4 & 5 - that put me over the edge. My family is loving & open hearted. We understand that life isn't always nice & some people need extra love. Right now there is tension between her & my father in which a seperation is underway for them both. It is a very sad situation. For my father tells me how much he loves her. The "step" children seem to be the reason for the fighting for she has two children of her own. Both adults as well. I pray for a peaceful end to this constant dragging of the kids in their fighting too. I believe & know there is more than us "stepkids" that are the cause of their fighting. There's a lot of postings about how us stepkids make some of these marriages hard, I wish these marriages would realize how these marriages have effected the children. As a adult who had her parents divorce in her 20's, my life changed as well, and meant adjusting to a new life as well. Thanks for your comment LifesABeach. I hope all is going well on your end.
We all know there are good
We all know there are good step parents and bad step parents, and that there are always things inbetween. I happen to be one that loves my skids, my issues are with BM mostly.
I, like the others, hope that this place can help you find what you need for your relationship with your SD. I assume that is why you came here.
I do hope whatever is going on in your family with your father and SM can be worked out to the best possible solution.
*many hugs*
WOW
WOW WonderSad! That really sucks.
Like the above posters, I am not sure how to respond, but I will say this -- There is a lot of good advice on this site. There are a lot of old timers and newcomers such as yourself. There seems to be cycles of disagreements. Weed and wade through the trash to get to the good stuff that will help you in your own situation as a SM. Hopefully it will help give you insigt on how not to be with your own SD although I would imagine that your own SM is giving you some real life lessons on that. It is a horrible spot to be placed in and I am sorry for your father and your family. I agree with the above posters in saying that maybe you guys need to have a discussion to try to clear the air and get past some of the hurt or if for nothing more...to get it all out.
Good Luck and Welcome.
Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P
Stepchildren and husband are destroying marriage ---advice neede
I am an adult stepchild with step children of my own. My husband says his children don't want to visit him because they don't like me. I have never had a fair shot. Their mother has always talked bad about me and his children lie on me to him and he will feed into it and confront me disrespectfuly in front of his children. I use to genuinely love them. Now I don't even think I like them. That is hard to say, but it is how I feel. It is hard to love people that knowingly lie and deceit. They have voiced it in the past to their father that they only want my husband with their mother. He told me today (without any incedences occuring)that he is choosing his children over me. He said they come first and he wants them to spend time with him. He never makes any attempts to spend time with them when they did visit. He would go away all weekend while they visit so they would be stuck with me. I believe that is why they really don't want to come over because when they visit he is never there. I believe it is just easier for everyone to blame me. They get jealous whenever he does anything for our children. I feel like I have been there for them more than the two of their biological parents especially when they lived with us. But he says I mistreated them. I asked him give me an example and he could not name one. Instead he just said it is to many to name. I tried to spend time with them and take them places as well as show up for important school events that their biological parents were to busy for. He told me that was not a sign of trying to bond but it was me putting up a front. He said he needs a relationship with them because they are growing up so he can only do that if I am out of his life because they don't like me. He has 2 from first marriage and we have 3 together.