Open letter to Step Daughter 37
Dear Step Daughter,
I wanted to write this letter so you could get my perspective regarding your behavior towards me when you visit us from out of state.
There are some groundrules that I want you to have if and when you visit us again with or without your new boyfriend.
When you visit us, I think it would be best if you rent a car instead of using your Dad's car and burning up all of the gas
without replacing. Also it would be nice for you to make arrangements when you fly in to get to our home sometime without expecting your Dad to have to pick you up and take you back to the airport every time.
Since you make over 150k per year it is high time that you start contributing to your visits with us because in 12 years I have
only seen you open your wallet twice and pay for my coffee!
(I'm sure that somebody else gave you some sort of credit at Starbucks since you are incredibly tight)
When you go to the store ask us if there is anything that you can get for anybody instead of just leaping out and coming back with your
needs.
Offer to buy us lunch, dinner or anything because this is what grown ups do when they want to show some appreciation for being a guest.
Since you do not have children to raise and you come to visit us in my opinion way too often (4x per year last year.) It would be best if you
realized that your father and I have a life and it is not to entertain you whenever you think you want or need a mini vacation. Once or twice a year at the most is better since it is obvious that we do not like each other and probably never will.
Some basic ideas for making yourself more enjoyable to be around:
Ask questions about other people and see how they are doing. It's not all about you although your father overly praises everything about you to a fault because he loves you and wants you in his life. Quit expecting that the world revolves around you and that you need to manipulate others to get what you think you're due. You use people and never return the favors that these folks give you. Why don't you compliment other people? It will make you feel good even if this is uncomfortable for you to do. Try it sometime. Offer to cook dinner, be sure and take the sheets and towels off of your bed before leaving. When someone does something nice for you, thank them. The last time you visited I cooked two or three great meals and you didn't even thank me! Why would anyone want to have you as a guest when you act so spoiled, selfish and entitled? Also, at Christmas why do you expect us to give you such lovely gifts when you don't recriprocate? ( A key chain for me?) Get real dearie! Get the mothballs out of your wallet! Please realize that you are a textbook NARCISSIST and will really have to work hard to overcome these personal defects if you want to have a better life for yourself and US! Be sure and ask your Dad to check with me before you book your trip because I have a say in this as well! Respect your Dad and my relationship because we are hapily married and you are the only thing that makes problems for us!
I don't think she means to
I don't think she means to send the letter, she merely wants to vent and is doing so by writing the "open" letter. Let's face it, step kids will never like any of us so confronting them face to face or sending a letter will get none of us anywhere. These step kids have a loyalty to their moms that is dysfunctional and blame dads for divorce either openly or subconsciously. Children learn from their mothers, compassion, kindness, tenderness, love of others and if they are being raised by an emotional wreck who cannot see their own fault in the failing of their marriage, will twist and corrupt their children. Even the best of s/moms will never be treated with the same devotion or love as the Bio mom, who may be a twisted, bi-polar mess who calls the cops on her children for no reason, abuses her kids mentally and physically, calls them names....doesn't matter if you are Mother Theresa in your kindness toward them, you will always get the cold shoulder and the hostile glares.
Spot on !!!!thegoodwife (love
Spot on !!!!thegoodwife (love this). She has an alcoholic mom on and off most of her adult life. Mom is pretty much a maintanence drinker..can holod it together pretty well and then has to go to the hospital avery couple of years or so!
SD has played the two Dads to get her way in every instance. She is so selfish and self focused. If you look up and research Narcissists there is no cure for this disorder and she is a textbook case.
Rarely gives any gifts to family at Christmas and when she does they are pitiful..I mean the girl works for a huge company and makes 150k per pear but she spends it all on Herself. And Saves the rest.
Both Bio Parents have money and it is her intention on making them pay! Yuck!
Our relationship has deteriorated recently because now I know what she is all about so I refuse to pay attention to her!
I don't think she means to
I don't think she means to send the letter, she merely wants to vent and is doing so by writing the "open" letter. Let's face it, step kids will never like any of us so confronting them face to face or sending a letter will get none of us anywhere. These step kids have a loyalty to their moms that is dysfunctional and blame dads for divorce either openly or subconsciously. Children learn from their mothers, compassion, kindness, tenderness, love of others and if they are being raised by an emotional wreck who cannot see their own fault in the failing of their marriage, will twist and corrupt their children. Even the best of s/moms will never be treated with the same devotion or love as the Bio mom, who may be a twisted, bi-polar mess who calls the cops on her children for no reason, abuses her kids mentally and physically, calls them names....doesn't matter if you are Mother Theresa in your kindness toward them, you will always get the cold shoulder and the hostile glares.
Never meant to send
Never meant to send this...but it sure felt good to spew. There is always a remote possibility that someone who is a stepdaughter might read this and gain some perspective on their behavior?! ...Naw!
My SD36 is a year younger
My SD36 is a year younger than yours and very narcissistic. Before her last visit just before Christmas I didn't care that she visited 4 times a year. She was welcome anytime. But like you, I have yet to see her open her wallet (she makes a good living) or reciprocate gifts. Daddy pays for everything and he is only on Social Security. Every year I see the disappointment on my Husband's face because she has forgotten a Father's Day card. Some years he'll get a last minute phone call. But what really gets to me is the mean, sadistic and immature games she has been playing since we got married - and it has only gotten worse. For instance, I bought her a pretty collectable pin for Christmas in an effort to mend fences. I saw that she had opened the package and said, "Oh, I see your Dad gave you the pin." (Daddy was out of the room at the time.) With her back to me, she replied, "Ya, I saw it." A when short time later Daddy entered the room, she ran up to the pin and gushed, "Oh, Thank you!" This kind is behavior - and worse - is constant while she is in our home. I have read some recent posts about mean SMs lately and how badly they treat their skids. I have to say when we first got married (she was 16) I really tried hard to create a positive relationship with her but she has looked upon me as competition for her Father's love. I did not break up her Father's marriage but seem to get the blame for it never-the-less. Now I am still hurt but done trying.
Hahahahaha! I LOVE it! We
Hahahahaha! I LOVE it! We didn't give my 28 year old SD anything at all for Christmas or her birthday this year. Nor will we next year, the year after or the year after that if I have any say in it. She came to us with her boyfriend in April wanting to borrow $2000 towards the downpayment on a house. I knew we would never get the money back if we loaned it to her so I suggested to hubby that we just give it to her. She was rude and belligerent because her dad wanted to meet them to discuss it and she didn't think she should have to - we were supposed to just agree to it over the phone! She was so objectionable and unpleasant that in the end I stood up and said "I am not being spoken to like this by this b@#$h any longer! She is nearly 30 years old with a college degree and a good job to boot! One of the things she stated was "I have a right to "my dad's money" The nerve of some people!! We haven't even seen a photo of the house let alone been invited to it. The last time she moved she didn't tell her dad either. I love that letter and I hope you sent/send it!
OMG..she sounds like a
OMG..she sounds like a spoiled brat! Don't cave girl because she will always expect you two to give her money or bail her out.
This is a big disservice to her . She needs to learn how to go after and accomplish goals on her own.
There are similar issues with my Narcissist SD37!
Last time she visited I did unload on her and told her that she was acting like a spoiled brat and that it had become way too one sided (us giving and her taking)and that she needed to learn some manners. Well my husband got real upset with me and told me that I was to never talk to her again like that and that I needed to talk with him first!!!!! WTF. anyway I refuse to let this little bitch work me like she does her Dad
It felt soooooo good to blast her and now she know that she can't push me around!
If we have to go into therapy over this crap we will, but for now we are very happily married except for when SD visits!
I had to laugh as I can
I had to laugh as I can completely relate to the issues!! but I would not condescend to send that to my SD (who is still young, 19, so still hoping it doesn't get this bad, but keeping her at arms length after the ABUSE she has given in the past) - why take the time to try to help your SD, when she already knows everything?!!
I would just sit back and laugh as she screws her life up worse, and never get her any gifts either!! That would really be more helpful, than trying to talk about it IMO!!! but at least you are trying hon
this is a great place to
this is a great place to vent. I say sent a toned down one and have your husband sign it