Do you mean daughter in law?

Yeah, I'd be super uncomfortable with that and insist it stop.

DH45 is good friends with DD28.  They love each other and are very affectionate.  She is my daughter and they are not related, but she considers him her stepdad even though we met after she was grown.  I'm glad they laugh at each other, it makes me smile.  When DD wants someone to babysit GD, or advice about anything, she calls DH first.  DD has babysat SD before too.

DD's dad is a narcissist, so I think she needs this warmth and consistency DH has in abudance.  When I'm not available, she turns to him for comfort.  I'm glad they have each other.

Sometimes when I'm unavailable, DH goes out for drinks with a female coworker.  Again, I'm glad he's happy and occupied.  I would hate for him to be bored or lonely while I'm at work.  Being a big cuddly smurf is what makes DH who he is.

I don't consider friendships between men and women inappropriate.

If the texting is excessive, I would ask my DH how he would feel if I was constantly texting and sharing pics back and forth with my daughter's husband. 

Maybe you can text SS's wife constantly and share pics with her of you and DH together and see how she responds. Maybe she will get the hint to tone it down. 

If it's really over the top and DH takes a nap, etc., shut off his phone.

I would be weired out if SDIL constantly texted DH and then pics of herself too.  How would SDIL and DH feel if you started texting selfies to SS?  I remember from previous posts people mentioning that perhaps sdil thinks of DH like a fatherly figure. I mean he is but get a grip girl.  

Sorry I have no advice but yes your feelings are valid.  

Bingo "still learning"!   This is exactly what I have always given thought.  My SD57 used to do excessive texting, confide in her Dad (DH) about everything, including her sex life.  She spent hours and hours at our house gossiping, laying around on the couch, etc. while I was at work, causing hate and discontent between DH and I.  If I even spoke to son-in-law, she went ballistic, she was so jealous.  Point made!

If I was a vicious person, I could write a book and give it to son-in-law about things she said about him (her own DH) to her Dad.  She has said some terrible things about son-in-law to DH and I; then when they are together, she is all loving to him.  I decided to let it all be what it was and correct it, concerning myself.  Karma has a way of visiting.  Karma has visited SD in many ways in the past 5 years; she dug her own grave.  I said nothing and let this go on for years.  Now it has turned on her and family members have learned what she really is.

I set boundaries concerning DH & I.  I took back the role of alpha female in my marriage.  I put SD in her place where this nonsense was happening.  It took disengaging and 4 years, because I would not have words with her.  In my case, actions have been much stronger than words.  I have never  responded, even when SD had a melt down and wrote me a 2 page hate email.   DH didn't like my disengagement and the boundaries, but he's living with them.  I told him he is welcome to leave any time and go live with his DD.  He has chosen to stay and live with the situation that he created to begin with.  SD57 hardly every texts, never calls, she only stops to see her Dad maybe once every two months.  It's no fun for her, because she gets no reaction from me.  

I don't believe it is natural for OP's SDIL to be doing all of this texting.  Without understanding the entire family relationships, I have no advice, except for OP to set some boundaries and don't play the "drama". 

I don't believe in revenge or tit for tat.  I believe in making my territory sacred and my SD57 now knows she is not part of my life.  Silence has a way of bringing out the loudest actions. 

I'm sure DH is flattered by SSIL (a younger woman) texting him but he needs to know he is being used.  This is only my opinion, but I think this needs direct intervention with SSIL.  Something like, "My Husband is very flattered by your numerous texts.  Perhaps you could share them with both of us."

those things that you know when you see it doesn't pass the smell test. 

My parent interface time is usually when I am commuting for work. Since I currently am staying less than 2mins from my office.... I  have not kept up my parent comm as well as I usually  like to do.

My parents  have no problem letting me know when my calls are not at an opportune time. 

Sounds like DH needs to be quite a bit less accessible and to challenge  his daughter to grow up and focus on her own life.

Funny, yesterday ID Discovery had a show on called Forbidden Love about a blood-related uncle and his niece who hooked up.  They even had the niece on giving side-line comments about how it all, innocently?, came about.  I could only watch it for about 10 minutes, and thought, what are we supposed to think about this?  Are we supposed to think that this is somehow OK because two consensual adults are going at it?  Doesn't matter if they are blood-related or not or any kind of blantant incest is going on?  This was not Forbidden Love; it was something far worse.

Anyway, with that type of whatever attitude out there nowadays, all anyone can go by is their gut.  You are there, you are the one observing the nuances, and if your spidey-senses are going off, best to address it.  This is your DH.  It is not DIL's DH.  Male-female friendships aside, you have the right to expect a husband.  You are supposed to make-happy with him texting some other woman all afternoon?  Isn't it just as easy for your DH to make-happy with you by NOT texting some other woman all afternoon?

Too often women are told to ignore their senses for the sake of their man.  I have heard the term emotional affair used recently, which means a man and woman may not be making out, but all things considered, may still be having an affair in an emotional sense.  The damage and fallout from that can be just as high as a physical affair.  Just because sex isn't involved, it doesn't mean that you are being insecure and have to suck it up and take it.  Go with your gut.

I agree.  SS's wife needs to be confronted in a non-hostile but meaningful way that tells her she is over-stepping and intruding in your marital territory.   In all probability, SS's wife is playing a game with DH and he is flattered by the attention of a younger woman.  But it is still inappropriate.  This is the time to stand firm with DH and tell him to knock it off also.  Just wonder what DH would do if your started reacting to SS as he is reacting to SS's wife?  I can guarantee it would be somehow 'different'.

This is something that should not be ignored.  My ex-husband started off by having an attraction to a woman at his work and wound up leaving me with two little kids.  Took all of the money out of the bank account.  I had to babysit to feed us.

Text your SDIL and invite her to lunch at a local eatery.  Be civil and have a nice lunch, even pick up the tab. 

Then!......when wrapping up and leaving the place, once outside, look her directly in the eye and tell her; "leave my husband alone, do not text him, do not call him, you are over stepping your bounds with my husband.  If you don't leave him alone, I will rip your head off and piss down your wind pipe.  This is not a threat, it's a promise, believe me."  Keep your voice very calm and stern.  Smile and walk away.  *aggressive*

If this is getting out of hand obviously, you are going to have to go directly to your SDIL, your DH is not getting it.   He is being sneaky and is hiding something.

Have you specifically asked your DH to knock it off with the constant texting? DIL sounds creepy but it's your DH's behavior that is affecting you.

He'll likely gaslight, call you crazy or jealous or something else. But you need to set boundaries and have consequences if those boundaries are crossed.

Something like: "DH, when you are constantly texting other people when you are with me, I feel like I don't matter and our marriage is unimportant. If you continue to do that, then I will ..." (whatever you will actually do -- sleep in a different room, go out for the evening when he does that, leave the restaurant/event if that's where you are). You have to decide what you will and will not tolerate and then act on it. But YOU must act. He's having too much fun to change anything. 

Another thing you can do is insist on individual or couples counseling for you both. I was fed up with something my DH said he'd fix time and time again, and he didn't. So, it was counseling for him or I was leaving. Those were not idle words and he knew it. He chose counseling and my life with him now is good. Great in fact.

yes, anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or think twice about should be important to him.  I feel the same.  it's easy to just do what it takes to make your SO feel at ease and if you question something, then he should stop.  plain and simple.  geez, it's not difficult.  men just don't get it - they make everything so difficult.  mostly men.  i'm sure there are some women out there too that do the same. 

I don't know how old you and husband are, but I would be openly planning my retirement plans/money need to support myself, working what age I could retire.   Making it clear to him I will not be covering any of his house costs, so if he needs to work until he is 80 then that his problem.

I would also reduce what I do for him, so I had more time to do what I wanted to do.  Oh dear his washing not done this week oh well, never mind he can do it if that important.

And SS wife mention about babysitting their brats so i'm busy watching paint dry.  The only way your husband may change is if YOU stop catering to all his needs and wants.  He has stopped seeing you are a partner and wife and just sees you as chief cook and bottle washer.

I hope that it all works out.  I just would ask for the password for his phone.  There is no reson whjy he has to have a password and not share it with you.  Also he is deleting the messages,  I would ask Why?