Occupy Living Room Decamped
It's been a while since I've visited this blog and I have no clue where to begin. In my previous posts I wrote about my wifes son who has spent the better part of the last 4 years irritating me in my own home. Over the last few weeks Dumbass has gone in over drive that my wife and I have had some drag down fights and I usually win since HE'S NOT MY KID.
I am happy to report that Dumbass is gone. Moved out. No longer living here and I as write this I'm looking at my living room where there's a new couch where the Occupy Living Room encampent was once entrenched.
The last two weeks have really been the the super nova before leaving. Dumbass at the end was bringing friends over and leaving us to our surprise finding his buddies sleeping on our couch. It happened once, but with this retard once is enough to greenlight more sleep overs.
To be honest I would like to take credit for him leaving, but he wasn't happy here as well. But I could care less what his reasoning was, is, or will be all I know is that he is gone.
Gone and never ever ever coming back to live in my house.
I'd like to give some unsolicited advice to the other SO's who may be feeling at their wits end. There has been different methods like the Burning Platform discussed here, to fix a SK and it may work and like for me it may not. But one thing that did work for me was this.
Extreme and unrelenting pressure on your SO. I am talking a total disconnect from day to day household things and basically being persona non grata. You have to have real mental strength to do this and be able to keep it up no matter how much it hurts. You must be willing to walk away from it all to save your sanity. This is the pressure on your SO I'm talking about.
There is a very good chance the your SO was traumatized by their previous relationships that like my wife, the mere thought of you leaving rocks the very foundation of their core. Use this.
During the last few months since I posted, my attitude became one of punishment & reward. Case in point when Dumbass is home all day not doing a god damn thing, my wife and I arrive from a long day at work and find him on the couch playing on his phone. At this point is where my disengagement begins. I would do the minor things I needed to do then lock myself up in my bedroom while my wife took care of everything else. Cooking, cleaning, cleaning the cat boxes. I'd be in our room with my feet up while she's doing all this on her own.
Literally 5 hours of more work after working a full day. I go upstairs smoke some pot and watch wrestling (she hates it) non stop for the ENTIRE night until we fell asleep. This woman knows Ric Flair's carreer better than I do at this point.
All of this must also be done while you're extremely angry as well. So you have to be annoyed on a constant basis from the moment you wake up and leave your house until you come back and reencounter your SKID.
But now the reverse must also happen. When Dumbass is gone my personality completely changes. I'm much happier much less stressed and most importanly I help out around the house so those 5 hours that it took her becomes more like 1 hour, which makes a difference. Be loving. Be understanding. Be patient. Engage.
Will this work for anyone else? Probably not because I have no remorse and was ok doing this. Plus I know my wifes psychological profile and know the which Achilles Heel to attack.
But I do know this..he's gone. Whatever combo it took it worked. No more stress. No more Dumbass. No more fights. Lots more sex.
This is good to hear!
This is good to hear!
This strategy works on a short term basis as well. My DH seems to have noticed that I dont do as much around the house and he doesn't get laid or any affection for that matter when we have certain guests and the trend immediately reverses once they're gone.
This is hard core 180 and it
This is hard core 180 and it comes from the Divorce Busting book. People are different and it takes all kinds of techniques to get thru. How is she reacting to your play? Is she coming around to you being her main relationship? I can admit that I use similar things t
"Extreme and unrelenting
"Extreme and unrelenting pressure on your SO. I am talking a total disconnect from day to day household things and basically being persona non grata. You have to have real mental strength to do this and be able to keep it up no matter how much it hurts. You must be willing to walk away from it all to save your sanity. This is the pressure on your SO I'm talking about."
THIS!!!!!
I did this. I went on a viewing to buy a place and told DH that it will not have room for adults whom I'm not fucking. I told DH that if he must live with his adult baybeeees forever, then he's free to do so. I gave him 48 hours to make his decision on buying a house with me or me buying one on my own. Before that I used the psychological techinques that OP used. I was willing to walk way and DH knew it.
It's been over 6 1/2 years in our new home and it is DH who has banned the SKs from moving in. SD32 had issues with her BF that may have included abuse and I was the one willing to have her and grandbaby come but it was DH who said hell to the no and said he'll pay for her apartment but she cannot set foot in our door. I was shocked because SD is a mini-wife on steroids. It's likely my past statement to DH that if SD ever lives with us again, we won't make it. DH is extremely proud that we've been married for 25 years and he hates the thought of us not making it.
DH also likes our pristinely clean home. Leading up to my house buying stunt, I went on strike and didn't lift a finger to do a a damn thing while his adult baybeeeees constantly made disasterous messes and did jack shit to clean up. I made DH pay dearly for watching me running around cleaning all the time while his excuse for the SKs was, "well, I only require school." DH still brings up stuff like that and he hated it. I turned "burning platform" on DH.
If you want your adult baybeeee SKs out of the house you have to be willing to walk away. You have to withstand the risk that your marriage won't make it. I was ready. You have to not fall for the bullshit lines about "waiting for the SKs to launch naturall." They've already proven they're not launching. There is not going to be a natural launching so your SOs pulling that bullshit line is to keep buying time. Don't fall for it. Turn the tables.
For your info
Just for your information, this works only once. If you threaten to leave on a regular basis your partner will one day say, "So go!"
I agree that you need to 'sink in the spurs' when dealing with shiftless SKIDS. You need to have your rights respected and make it plain what you will allow in your home. But be wary of making your partner think you are punishing her.
My DH threatened to leave on tthe average of every 6 months. I bought my own house and he threatened once again when I asked him to make a bed with me. I told him to get a motel. He hasn't done it since but it's too late now. Divorcing his sorry ass.
Just know this can possibly blow back in your face.
Congrats on your newfound
Congrats on your newfound peace!
Well played.
The burning platform is not a set thing, nor is it solely for Skids. It works just as well on anyone else.
Build it, find the fuel that creates the hottest flame under the target, and keep adding to that fire. Things will change. Adapt as events unfold.
It works on BKs, Skids, mates, etc.
To be effective it requires total commitment and cognition that there are risks that may result from the strategy.