Not jumping back on that crazy train!
SGSon's birthday is coming up. I guess OSD finally realized DH isn't excited about going to parties without his spouse so suddenly me and my children are invited again. SD invited DH on a Facebook invite weeks ago and he ignored it. He's not into Facebook invites and rarely notices them. So yesterday he gets a text from SD asking if he was going. He didn't respond. I ask him if he is going he says no he doesn't want to go alone and we left it at that.
Well today I suddendly get a text from OSD saying she really hopes me and my kids are coming :jaw drop:. Hasn't talked me since the Christmas dinner incident. Last I heard I wasn't invited to anything because they needed to bond with DH "alone" (alone= their spouses, kids, and inlaws only me and my children are excluded). And after telling DH they couldn't come to Easter at our house because they don't feel "welcome" and instead expected him to come see them without me.
I'm so not jumping on that crazy train! I sent DH a screenshot and told him it was his job to respond and I was not attending.
Good for you. It appears SD
Good for you. It appears SD is trying to extend the olive branch but you may want to go slow at reestablishing any communication with her. DH needs to take a part in this, backing you up, demonstrating to SD that your marriage is his top priority. When she asked him to come to her house without you what was his response?
Too many times I have jumped
Too many times I have jumped when they offer me an olive branch only to be treated like crap once they got whatever they wanted from me. I have no desire to do it again. One too many times we've done this exact thing. I am removing myself from this crazy train!
The first time they pulled the "we want to spend time with you alone" Dh was all flattered until I pointed out their alone included their spouses, their kids, and their in laws. Once he realized it was just his spouse excluded he started getting upset. He refused the Christmas dinner I wasn't invited too saying we already had plans. Then he a few months later he went to SGD's birthday alone and hated it. For Easter when they refused his invite he stayed home with me and had Easter with my children.
He has been slowly acknowledging how his daughters act. When I stepped back and refused to answer then and blocked them on Facebook so their only contact is with him it really helped alot. Now when they act bratty they have to do it to him directly not me.
Sorry, I did not know this
Sorry, I did not know this has occurred more than once. Been there too. I would disengage from SD because she was treating me like dog doo, then DH would assure me she would be nice. That wouldn't last long, and she was back to her obnoxious self. Finally, like you, I became so overly-saturated and tired of the 'hot/cold' game.
Agree with you - stay away and let DH go visit them on his own. This is what I did and it has been wonderful. It IS good your DH is starting to see for himself how small SDs are. When SDs realize he is going to stay with you they will turn on him like my SD. At first I felt sorry for him but he was the one who created the mess in the first place.
Block her from texting you.
Block her from texting you.
Ugh. But i am a believer in
Ugh. But i am a believer in bridge building, as long as all parties are willing to be civil. No need to have an engaged relationship but the ability to be polite and basically follow the rules required in Kindergarten can make co-existence a lot easier. This is difficult to achieve with SKs who are waging a campaign to get rid of you. So if there is an olive branch extended, might be worth cautiously investigating further.
The first few times this
The first few times this happened I did but after 10 years of it I know the olive branch isn't real. If I went they would being be their normal "mean girl" routine and I'll be excluded because I'm not "family". We've done this many times.
Ugh. I just don't understand
Ugh. I just don't understand the need for these SKs to be so darn mean, and the way that their fathers are willing to tolerate the behavior, usually out of fear of emotional blackmail or whatever.
No need to get beaten with
No need to get beaten with that olive branch!
Good for you for recognizing what's going on and not falling for their false welcome.
She's been there, done that.
She's been there, done that. Got beaten up, treated like the outsider every time.
Why keep going back for more? The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing but expect a different outcome.
I think the OP has a whole
I think the OP has a whole 'olive tree' made from all the olive branches she has accepted in the past to know exactly is being offered now.
It's a trap! Has Lucy ever
It's a trap! Has Lucy ever once allowed Charlie Brown to actually kick the football?
I rest my case.
Omg I love this! I'm so using
Omg I love this! I'm so using this comparision now!
Good for you. The fact is,
Good for you. The fact is, you were not really invited, just an afterthought when she realized that her father was not responding. Just more manipulation.
She only invited you because
She only invited you because she thought her daddy would not go without you. Bravo! That is a good first step, as Sd is starting to understand that your dh will not go without you. Do not accept the olive branch because right now it is really just a stick and she will beat you with it when you turn your back. Reassure your dh that you do not want to interfere with his relationship with his dd and that it is fine with you if he goes to the party. That way he will not see you as trying to prevent his relationship with them. But do not do anything else. Let him do the shopping for the present, respond to the invite, etc. One other thing, plan something special to do for that day. It will keep your mind occupied and it will also give your dh the message that if he decides to go your are going to continue to live your life on your terms and your terms are that you are going to treat yourself well.
I have made it very clear to
I have made it very clear to DH I think he should go to the party. I know if he doesn't go I will be blamed.
I did almost back slide and ofter to make SGS a present since I had a blanket I want to try out making but then realized I would spend $50 in yarn and way to much time on something I would never even get to see him enjoy.
Not my circus not my monkey!
My advice is to go to the
My advice is to go to the party with your husband with a prior agreement with him that if the stepchildren start acting badly that you both exit the party early and the other guests will see firsthand that both of you are united in putting an immediate halt to it. DH can send an email later why you abruptly left together., letting them know he will protect you
Good for your DH that he has seen the light of their attempts to exclude you.