Congratulations on your newfound faith. A good talk with the Lord can help us all from time to time. As far as your husband goes, you are going to have to figure out what you're willing to live with. Are you ok with the dishonesty and secrets?  Are you ok with his lack of consideration for you? What is his motivation, and can you understand why he might treat you in such a way? I'm not one to give advice on marriages, but I can tell you that I would have a BIG problem with some of this. Best of luck to you. 

It has long been said that God helps those who help themselves. 

Dishonesty, secrets, etc.. regarding his daughter are no less indicitive of his lack of character than would be a secret mistress and more hurtful to you as it is in your face and not even really kept as a secret.  For that matter, what is to say there are not far more ciritical secrets that he is likely keeping since honesty is not on his palet of character traits?

Take care of  you. Write this liar off and move on to a new phase of your life with this shallow and polluted gene pool fading in your rear view mirror.

All IMHO of course

How was he going to pull that one off?  Would he say he was on business?  At a golf tournament?  What about the other guests?  Would he pretend you didn’t exist?

This is over the top.  

Read him the riot act or just get out.

If SD or anyone is threatening or texting things to you that you feel are threatening or nasty, please contact the authorities about it. 

Maybe marriage counseling would help your marriage?

you have a major DH and SD problem. It is not right for him to hide about going to the wedding. I'm just curious as to how you found out about him going to the wedding if he was being so secretive about it.

best of luck to you.

Welcome Julie,

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're dealing with such unnecessary drama from SD while DH pretends it's not happening.  Unfortunatly many skids have become the replacement spouse aka mini wife in your case, when their parent brings a real spouse in skid feels threatened.  DH doesn't want anything to change for fear of *losing* his daughter so he's just going to ignore her behavior and leave you to deal with it.  

If I were in your shoes:

I'd change my phone # and under no circumstances would DH be allowed to give it to SD. 

Let DH and SD have their secret communications. Trust me, there's nothing going on that you want to know about. Ignorance is bliss in these cases. 

Since you know about the clandestine wedding, send DH off with your blessing. Get a generic card for her and only sign your name.  Make plans to keep busy while he's gone. Your church community likely has lots of projects going on and groups that you can be involved in. Lose yourself in the service of others so much that you have no mental bandwidth for SD and DH's drama.  

About your marriage; completely separate your relationship with DH from his relationship w/his daughter, think parallel universes.  It's too bad you can't be a big happy family or even friends but those options are no longer available and it's out of your hands.  

Come here to vent. Do not ever vent to your husband, it will do no good and only further cement in his mind that you *hate* his daughter and she's justified in her attacks. It takes two to fight so take yourself out of the ring.  Read up on disengaging and the Karpman Drama Triangle.  

Good luck, be well.  

Problem !!!   There Should be no secrets in a relationship. No,not giving out passwords.  No secret about going to SD wedding.  His DD he should go.  Just tell you and not disrespect you.  Seems like he has no problem disrespect you same as his DD. 

Problem !!!   There Should be no secrets in a relationship. No,not giving out passwords.  No secret about going to SD wedding.  His DD he should go.  Just tell you and not disrespect you.  Seems like he has no problem disrespect you same as his DD.  Seems like he screwed up the first marrage and now working on screwing up his second 

wow sounds like my ilfe except my SO would invite me - just expect me to ignore being shunned.  i'm so sorry - it's all so very hurtful.  i will never understand it.  pray but don't let yourself be run over.  i'm constantly questioning what i'm doing.  everything is perfect until the evil ones comes into the picture.  it's so disloyal and feels so wrong.  i wouldn't put up with the secrets.  confront him and demand to be included.  you shouldn't stand for that.  how did you find out?

Hello lady,

Only you know if your marriage has the foundation to stay in tact. But write this bunch off period; right now.  They want to exclude you, well it works both ways.  This is easy, she is no longer invited to your home or allowed around YOU, either...sorry, she is not invited. You are too excluded to be included; this actually may give you some relief.  Use this to create your own peace and let your boundaries draw your own line of peace away from this man's family's dysfunction. You are not alone, but only you can fix your situation.

but watch out - if you disengage on your own or make rules for your own home, you will be called out on all of it is YOUR fault.  BULLSHIT!  these situations just make me sick.  it's all so dysfunctional and unhealthy and not difficult really to figure out who is the real punisher and who should be punished but never will be.  it's unreal.  i heard today "since you and my daughter don't like each other......"  i'm like go away for real.  gawd! like it's a two way street i'm causing.  NOT!