No longer "asking" for my demands
I have been asking SS 21 to stop having loud headphone-less face time conversations with cursing from him and whoever he is talking to. I have told him repeatedly to put on head phones and stop the cursing. I mean I have been asking for years (him, his father and I have lived together since 2014). He still does it anyway. So last night when I get home from work at midnight and was trying to sleep because i had to be back at work at 8 am, he was so loud at 1:30 am that I could hear him and who he was speaking with loud and clear while laying in my bed it highly irritated me, and was preventing my sleep. I mean cussing like sailors. I started to get up and ask.. yes i said ask... him to quiet down. Something in me just clicked and I realized that I pay the damn wifi bill. I cut that s**t off. It was soooo sweet. The noise instantly stopped and after about 15 minutes of fiddling with the wifi box and bitching at his dad (who was at work to keep his ungrateful butt afloat)he was quiet and I fell asleep feeling satisfied. No more yelling for me, I will try this taking back what I have provided if you won't listen thing. As much as he thinks i am some purposeless figure in his life, I greatly contribute to his well being and as she giveth she can taketh away....#feeling strong.
Good! I've done this with
Good!
I've done this with the data on the phone plans...and the phones themselves. Wonderful to be able to turn them off as I please...
Good for you! I agree with
Good for you! I agree with Danielle - SS should have been out long ago. Maybe time to say 'adios' to him and quit contributing any funds to his existence.
WOWZA, good for you. I would
WOWZA, good for you.
I would have done the same thing if it were my own bio.
Yup DH asked me what happened
Yup DH asked me what happened and I told him. He said why didn't you just ask him to be quiet. I resisted my urge to say something smart and just told him because he doesn't listen to me. what I wanted to say was ask him?! How the hell has that been working out for you?
I try to give him a break
I try to give him a break because he truly supports me and I know he is feeling stuck in the middle.
Good job. He is a grown man
Good job. He is a grown man and unless the person he was talking to lived far away, he can go see them in person if he wants face to face conversation. And he should respect your asking him to keep the noise and cursing down. If I were you, I would cut off the WiFi every evening before you go to bed.
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!! GOOD
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!
GOOD JOB!!!!!
You go lady, he is NOT paying
You go lady, he is NOT paying for the house nor working. Daddeee needs to man up like a lot of other men described here...
Good Job! I suggest that
Good Job!
I suggest that you sent up a wifi password that you change daily. You and DH can have a nice conversation with SS and let him know that he can easily earn the new password each day. All he has to do is be quiet on the phone, not swear in your home, and do chores of XYZ and tomorrow he gets the new password.
Easy for him to do. Easy to enforce.
Oh yes... the power of the
Oh yes... the power of the WiFi box. Our house was fully wired with the SmartHouse system and the panel was in our master BR closet. So... when we left for work in the AM everything was shut down (cable and WiFi) and the Skid did his chores. If he failed to complete them by the time we got home then the next AM he was left on the front step with no food or water until we got home at the end of the day at which point he had to finish the prior day's chores plus that days chores without disturbing us. Once they either turn 18 or finish high school they remain in the home at the convenience and pleasure of the parents//Sparents. If they lose track of that fact... they should learn quickly that they are little more than a live in chore bitch/house keeper. In my SS'd case ... had he actually chosen and attended a college/university he would have been on the mom and dad full meal deal scholarship. Since he chose to not go that route he had the choice of getting a job. Nope, he didn't want that either. So.... we worked his ass off as our chore bitch.
They learn fairly quickly that launching is far easier than living at the convenience of someone else. In the case of my SS .... it took about 4mos of live in chore bitch status to enlist in the USAF delayed entry program. For another 4mos he remained our live in chore bitch until he reported for Basic.
He is approaching 25 and is doing great. He just re-upped for another 4 years, finished his first 6 year enlistment ... and is slowly completing his BS degree. All on his dime (and the USAF's) and his time.
His mom and I are very proud of him.
you are a success story. I
you are a success story. I truly want that for my SS. His dad wants it to but he doesn't have one disipline bone in his body. He would never go for that.
"live in chore bitch".....ha
"live in chore bitch".....ha ha love it. I had to do the same with my DS at one point. We bought a foreclosure when we moved south, and he spent a very hot summer summer helping us...stain the fence, stain the dock, landscaping, weeding (and when one pull up one weed another immediately grows in its place)..... it made an impression on him, that's for sure.
Lol. Glad to hear it. My
Lol.
Glad to hear it. My parents gave my brother and I this lesson when we were in our teens. Their most dastardly chore was sifting dirt. Fortunately this one was developed after I had launched. My brother still to this day (30+ years later) tells me I can'tt bitch about the chores I had until I have to sift dirt.
He was home from boarding school for the summer when he was about 15-16 and mom had a pile of about 6tons of sweet sand (that is what they use to plant yards and gardens in the middle east) and wanted her lilly bulbs removed from the sand, the sand mixed with soil, and it all put back in her flower beds sans Lilly bulbs.
He had to build a sifter out of screen and 2X4s and sift ever grain of the sand. It took him a couple of weeks and he is still traumatized by that experience to this day. I love that I missed out on that one. }:)
My husband asked me for the
My husband asked me for the wifi code. I asked him if he was going to give it to his son then explain why it was taken and that it will be taken again if he does't act right. So I was in DH cell phone and saw a text between him and his son where he says I have a new wifi password, the son ask for it and he gave it to him. So I asked if he talked o him about the cursing and he said no. I was pissed. it led to me loudly releasing all my feelings. We had a huge argument yet again about not stepping up and putting his foot down. He looked me in my face and told me if I'm so unhappy should leave. Long story short, I'm looking for a new place.
Too bad that DH's nuts are so
Too bad that DH's nuts are so firmly in SS's hands.
Enjoy your new life with that shallow and polluted gene pool fading in your rear view mirror.
Take care of you.
I truly think he is scared of
I truly think he is scared of him or scared that he will not be the favorite parent.
Lack of courage is not a very
Lack of courage is not a very attractive trait IMHO. I would be heartbroken if my kid faded into the sunset on me ... but... I would not tolerate any crap from him to keep that from happening.
Your DH would likely find that if he was a man who demanded and was worthy of respect from his own son... his son would in fact respect him.
He just makes excuses for
He just makes excuses for him. Like if he disciplined him he will break. I do care for his son but I care for myself more. I just want some respect.
He needs to be pushed and DH
He needs to be pushed and DH is like he is grown his choices are on him but it effects me too. I don't want to take care of a grown man. I thought teaching responsibility is good. He has to learn to care for himself, and to be respectful.
It pisses me off having all
It pisses me off having all the responsibility and none of the say.
Your DH is a craptastic
Your DH is a craptastic enabler of a son he should be encouraging to launch. Has he ever said what his plans for his son launching are? Because at this rate he will be laying around playing video games when he is 40.
Without a firm plan for his son becoming a productive citizen who lives elsewhere, and also that he does not have your back, I would be looking for another place too.
He has tried school, that
He has tried school, that wasn't his "thing". I suggested to his dad to pay attention to his studies, nope all he would say is "that's on him". So he failed 3 semesters and dropped out. He gets a job but can never keep one. The last job was a good one and he only worked it for 2 weeks before he got fired. Dear ol dad seems to think that this doesn't effect him like where does he think he will be living if he can't support himself. he has no plan and dad is just letting him do nothing.
With this situation all that
With this situation all that remains is to kick him out, change the locks, take him to the local homeless camp and introduce him to his new neighbors. That is what it took for my Skid do pull his head out of his butt and graduate from HS on time. We took him to Philly to the homeless camp under the Interstate in the middle of winter, dropped him off for an hour, picked him up, then gave him the message that on June 5 we either go to his HS graduation or we drip him off with his new Wal-Mart pup tent at the homeless camp. It scared the shit out of him so bad that he busted his butt to graduate on time and he even did it with honors.
It took nearly another year to get his head fully extricated from his own butt though the effort was well worth it. He will be 25 later this summer and is starting year 7 in the USAF. He is doing great and his mom and I are very proud of him.
Time for daddy to pull his own head out of his ass and learn to be a father.... before it costs him his marriage and before he has completely failed with this POS kid.
Even when he was working dad
Even when he was working dad didn't expect him to contribute to the household. He works like 1 day a week at a shoe store now. DH still buys his personal effects, like why can't he buy a damn bottle of lotion or deodorant.
Ok, so he doesn't like
Ok, so he doesn't like school. So I guess now he thinks he has a great excuse to not do anything but mooch off of his dad and SM.
A lot of people don't like school. A lot of them find a job as a trade apprentice. Not like school is no excuse. And he can't work more than one day a week? Would cut into his video game schedule?
So sorry to hear this but you
So sorry to hear this but you are probably better off. If your DH knew SS was being so disrespectful of you in your own home, and didn't support your right for a decent sleep at night he deserves what he gets - and it ain't going to be pretty. You will be just fine because you know how to stand up for yourself. Good luck and (((HUGS))).
Thank you... It hurts like
Thank you... It hurts like hell though. My girlfriend asked me if I really expected him to choose me over his son. I told her I expected him to choose me over everybody.
Why is it assumed that
Why is it assumed that wedding vows for the first marriage are sacred but for the second marriage they are only words? I am glad you said that to your girlfriend to let her know you have respect enough for yourself that you would EXPECT to be chosen over everyone. Yes, it hurts like hell right now but in another year, while DH and SS are rotting in their own toxic juices, you will be thanking your lucky stars and wondering why you put up with it for so long.
Good response. Plus, it's not
Good response. Plus, it's not even a matter of "choosing you over his son" in this case. It's a matter of setting boundaries and expectations for his household. His son is GROWN and doesn't NEED WiFi to survive.
When children are little, their needs come first because they can't do for themselves...in that sense, I agree that they come first. But that's not what SMs are complaining about. Early in our marriage, I remember times when my NEEDS (like, to make my car payment and have transportation to and from my job, for instance) fell behind whims and indulgences for the skids. That should NEVER happen. In your case, your need for a good nights sleep is not secondary to a grown ass man's nocturnal schedule in YOUR home. Also, The kids should never set the expectations or rules in a house...no matter what age they are or whether it's a "first family" or a second...
Sorry...your friend is pissing me off a little with this stuff...
He had the audacity to tell
He had the audacity to tell me he didn't need me, and he could do it all alone. I wanna test that theory. He has never lived with his son alone and I think it is time he should.
"He had the audacity to tell
"He had the audacity to tell me he didn't need me, and he could do it all alone. "
He sounds like a flaming jerk. I am sorry you are hurting now. But you are better off without this cretin.
FYI - this is a clear
FYI - this is a clear manipulation tactic. Many people when hearing "I don't need you / I could do this alone" go into overdrive and actually become MORE giving and generous to prove to their SO just how valuable their contribution actually is.
Glad you aren't falling for it.
Nope. I will keep my money
Nope. I will keep my money right in the bank. No money, no honey, no dinner, no shopping, no cleaning, no laundry, no handling business, nothing. I want to see him do it. I run things like a well oiled engine and he knows that. He gets defensive when I talk about SS, he thinks his kid is the cats meow but in actuality he is a disrespectful slacker. I won't let anything slide anymore, if that means he and I won't be together then so be it.
Good for you for thinking
Good for you for thinking enough of your rights as a wife that you did not fall for DH's threats. This is about potential health issues brought on by lack of sleep - and it can be serious. He will definitely be suffering the consequences when you leave - and take everything you can.
I will put bets on it that after a few months of supporting slacker SS, cleaning up after him, and all the other jobs associated with taking care of a household, DH will have a sudden 'aha' moment. Then he will be begging you to come back. But he runs the risk that you might not WANT to come back after the life you are going to have - because you have all the 'right stuff' for a happy, successful life. His loss. Not yours.