Me and my fiancée just bought a house and moved in together. He has a son who is 18 years old and works full time and lives with us full time. I have a 16 year son who lives with us half time. My step son is a slob, and both I and his father are neat freaks. When moving in his son asked if he could have the basement and we agreed, it sounded good so we didn’t have to put our expectations of cleanliness in his space like if he had a bedroom on the second floor with us.
Needless to say the basement is a mess. Actually it is beyond a mess. You can’t see the floor from all the dirty clothes on it. Garbage, food garbage, dirty dishes, empty beer bottles and pop cans are everywhere, it smells. Not expecting it to be as neat as I would keep my room however this is ridiculous not to mention gross.
My step son barely picks up after himself and he doesn’t appreciate all the meals cooked and cleaning up after him anyone does. I even clean his washroom mostly because my son has to share that washroom with him and because it is across the hall from our bedroom.
This father has also told him (for a year now) to pay his own cell bill and car insurance and he still isn’t. These bills are set up on automatic payment through my fiancée’s account and his son is supposed to pay his dad.
Now that he is 18 years old (legal drinking age in this Province), he just helps himself to the beer I keep in the fridge, another bone of contention. Borrows items of mine and his dad’s without permission, even takes things out of our bedroom.
My fiancée complains about all this to me and it is making him really mad, but there are never any consequences for my step son if he doesn’t do what is expected. He threatens that he will kick his son out, but his son has nowhere to go and no money saved for a place of his own. It also makes me angry because I feel like my fiancée is being taken advantage by his own kid. I also feel that my good nature is being taken advantage of by his son.
My question is how do I handle this? Right I don’t say too much to my fiancée, I listen to him vent. I don’t want to over step my bounds by giving advice/opinion on how to handle the situation with his son but something needs to change because it affects me too. I don’t want my 16 year old to feel that this is acceptable either. I think if my step son doesn’t pay his cell phone bill the phone should be cut off, I also think the monthly insurance payment should come out of my step son’s bank account and if his insurance is cancelled he will have to deal with the consequences because he is legally an adult now. I also think because he is an adult working full time (and not going to school) he should pay some rent, and some of that rent can go aside for a damage deposit and first month’s rent should my fiancée should ever decide to kick his son out then the kid is not homeless. Should I mention to my fiancée that consequences should be enforced if he expects there to be a change? How can I approach the topic of making house rules for my step son?
Any suggestions?