I am the step child in this situation.
My step dad has been in my life since I was 3 years old (I am now 25). He raised me and is who I have always considered my dad.
That being said our relationship has been rocky as far back as I can remember. I am not by any means saying I was perfect and he is in the wrong every time, I was a typical teen and had attitude problems most teens have with their parents:/ My step dad, however has always had a horrible temper and while it is aimed at anyone who pisses him off, I seem to be the one who gets it the most. Growing up there was a lot of yelling in the house and I remember being scared of him and worrying about making him angry. He never did anything to physically harm me until after my biological father passed away. And even then it was only once- threw the home phone at me because I didn't answer it. My mom in all of this has just kind of stayed in the back ground and sometimes would escalate it to a fight between the 2 of them. She would sometimes threaten to leave and I would have my fingers crossed hoping she would each time.
Ok so when I turned 18 I moved out. I couldn't get away from him fast enough. I finished high school and did the best I could on my own. One night a couple of months after graduation, I was visiting at their house and my mom made a comment about me still needing to get the rent paid on my apartment (more as reminder than anything). I had full intentions to go the next day however my step dad felt the need to take over the situation. He ordered me into the car and immediately started yelling at me about how irrisponsible I was and always had been. Long story short, by the time we got back to their place we were both screaming at each other and I was in tears. He told me I was no longer welcome in their home and that I needed to leave. My mom did nothing but show up at my apartment the next day to get my key to their house. I didn't speak to either one of them for about a month. I was in a car accident and totaled my car which prompted us to start speaking again.
Fast forward to now. There is still tension but he usually doesn't try to start to many fights with me because I defend myself now. I also try not to argue with him unless I feel strongly about something. My mom still sometimes mentions leaving but I cannot tell if she is ever serious. Before I get to what happened today I want to say this..my mom is my best friend. I won't move out of state because I can't leave her. Whenever I have a problem she is one of the first people I reach out to. My 2 year old son adores both her and my step dad. This is also the first time my step dad has acted this nicely towards a child( he doesn't really like kids).
So today.. my mom had agreed to watch my son for the weekend while my husband and I went on a camping trip. My mom ended up taking my son to see my aunt and spent the weekend with them (step dad stayed home per usual). We got back early today and my mom was still out of town with the baby so I told her to call when she got in and we would come get him. Late in the day she calls to say she is almost to my grandparents and would meet us there. We told her we would leave in about 40 min as my husband was busy but that if she needed to go we could meet at her house instead My mom calls around 40 min later as we are headed out the door wondering where we were, she thought we said 20 min. Anyways we get to my gandparents which is about a 10 min drive and as I pull into the driveway my dad calls. Turns out mom had called him to just let him know what was going on. I answer and he says "you know, I am sick of you taking advantage if your mom" I asked what that was supposed to mean and he said " you told her an hour ago you were on you way" I told him no I said we would leave in 40 min and I just pulled into the driveway at my grandparents. At this point he hangs up on me. The tone between us was not a nice one which is how he usually is when he is mad at me. I don't feel the misunderstanding warrented the nasty phone call from him.
I spoke with my mom and told her I don't think I can take much more. I am worried he will one day treat my son this way which wi cause problems. My grandmother wishes my mom would just leave him as do I. We won't tell her this but both try to give her the encouragement she needs when she discusses leaving.
I guess what I'm asking is where to go from here. I don't want to take my son away from my mom but I can't mentally handle the way my step dad treats me. I am exhausted from trying to keep up a calm relationship with him and need to walk away for my sanity. I have been thinking about this all night and am also realizing this has effected my marriage, as I tend to be very defensive with my husband when we have even the smallest arguments. I am considering going to see a therapist about this issue as I feel like it may play a role in other problems as well.
Thank you for your input. I hope this all makes sense.. I know I started to ramble, if you have a question please feel free to ask. Thanks again!