just learned my SD has been using me to buy heroin for years. Our entire relationship has been a total fake. im crushed, angry and heartbroken. Dont see how me or my marriage can ever get past this.
Long story but my wife and I learned about my sd20 drug habbit last week when she was arrested. I thought we were so close but the reality is she used me, her mom, and everyone else in her life to support her addiction. My wife is so distraught that she can barely function. We're seeking help but realize we have a very long road ahead of us, Trying to keep my head up for today.
Thanks Mustang and HR. Still trying to asess the damage. Im no stranger to tough love but man, didnt see this one coming. So hard not to just rage out of control
I think a Twelve Step program is a sound, methodological way to work oneself through an issue like this. I opted for a Twelve Step Codependency program and have attended meetings in a variety of locations since nothing is available close to me. One location has a women's only meeting and then an open meeting back to back. Thought I'd double my gas money by going to both, but IMO, the women's meeting sucked. The open meeting is great, just wished it lasted longer since it's a long, long drive for me. Saying all that to say, visit several if the first one doesn't suit you. I get a lot from my CoDA meetings and working my Twelve Steps, regardless if I make it to meetings.
My SS18 was addicted to drugs. My DH "was" enabling until I put a stop to it. He (SS) has been in and out of counseling and nothing seems to help. Since he has been out of jail(9-11) he has come over 2 times both times asking for $$ and a ride. DH was smart enough not to give him any $$. We had to start locking out bedroom door, even if we were still in the house. He would wait until we were out of eye sight of the room and go in and take $$ out of wallet or off dressers. My Dh is no longer giving SS ANY money at all.
I.really dont know if i have the stomach for this. I just want to run away. The marriage has been shaky before this situation and it would be very easy for me to just jump on a plane. tyying to get though the day
We don't have a lot of information from you to go on, NYClost, but from what you've said, it sounds as if you and your wife were both victims of SD. If that's the case, it's not very fair to take that out on your wife. Try to hang through a week (so the dust can settle a little) and talk to an expert or professional before making your choice.
This may sound a bit odd, but how exactly did she use you and your wife? Did she take your money or your support and lie about her finances? Or are you simply hurt because she did not tell you about it?
I guess what I am trying to say is that alot of people experiment with drugs during the twenties. Some of them continue experiment into their thirties. If it is just experimentation or "casual" use rather than addiction, then I might try to rethink the situation. Yes, drugs are bad. Yes, drugs are destructive and generally a waste of time and money (at best) and a life-crusher (at worst).
However, if she hasn't been using your money to get these drugs then I might try to be supportive of her (not the drug use) rather than upset. This was probably pretty shocking, but I have alot of friends who still experiment here and there and it doesn't make them bad people or bums. They have jobs. They keep in touch with their families and feed their pets and spend time with friends. They are normal tax-paying citizens.
At twenty, it is her choice as long as she is using her own money and resources to finance that choice.
I'm sorry. Your marriage will
I'm sorry. Your marriage will have problems now too?
Long story but my wife and I
Long story but my wife and I learned about my sd20 drug habbit last week when she was arrested. I thought we were so close but the reality is she used me, her mom, and everyone else in her life to support her addiction. My wife is so distraught that she can barely function. We're seeking help but realize we have a very long road ahead of us, Trying to keep my head up for today.
Thanks Mustang and HR. Still
Thanks Mustang and HR. Still trying to asess the damage. Im no stranger to tough love but man, didnt see this one coming. So hard not to just rage out of control
I think a Twelve Step program
I think a Twelve Step program is a sound, methodological way to work oneself through an issue like this. I opted for a Twelve Step Codependency program and have attended meetings in a variety of locations since nothing is available close to me. One location has a women's only meeting and then an open meeting back to back. Thought I'd double my gas money by going to both, but IMO, the women's meeting sucked. The open meeting is great, just wished it lasted longer since it's a long, long drive for me. Saying all that to say, visit several if the first one doesn't suit you. I get a lot from my CoDA meetings and working my Twelve Steps, regardless if I make it to meetings.
My SS18 was addicted to
My SS18 was addicted to drugs. My DH "was" enabling until I put a stop to it. He (SS) has been in and out of counseling and nothing seems to help. Since he has been out of jail(9-11) he has come over 2 times both times asking for $$ and a ride. DH was smart enough not to give him any $$. We had to start locking out bedroom door, even if we were still in the house. He would wait until we were out of eye sight of the room and go in and take $$ out of wallet or off dressers. My Dh is no longer giving SS ANY money at all.
I.really dont know if i have
I.really dont know if i have the stomach for this. I just want to run away. The marriage has been shaky before this situation and it would be very easy for me to just jump on a plane. tyying to get though the day
We don't have a lot of
We don't have a lot of information from you to go on, NYClost, but from what you've said, it sounds as if you and your wife were both victims of SD. If that's the case, it's not very fair to take that out on your wife. Try to hang through a week (so the dust can settle a little) and talk to an expert or professional before making your choice.
This may sound a bit odd, but
This may sound a bit odd, but how exactly did she use you and your wife? Did she take your money or your support and lie about her finances? Or are you simply hurt because she did not tell you about it?
I guess what I am trying to say is that alot of people experiment with drugs during the twenties. Some of them continue experiment into their thirties. If it is just experimentation or "casual" use rather than addiction, then I might try to rethink the situation. Yes, drugs are bad. Yes, drugs are destructive and generally a waste of time and money (at best) and a life-crusher (at worst).
However, if she hasn't been using your money to get these drugs then I might try to be supportive of her (not the drug use) rather than upset. This was probably pretty shocking, but I have alot of friends who still experiment here and there and it doesn't make them bad people or bums. They have jobs. They keep in touch with their families and feed their pets and spend time with friends. They are normal tax-paying citizens.
At twenty, it is her choice as long as she is using her own money and resources to finance that choice.