My marriage is falling apart.
So I have been married almost 2 years to my husband. He has 3 adult children 21 20 and 18 with 3 granddaughters and one due next month. I have 5 children with split custody with their father.
Currently 1 of his daughters is out of state and lost custody of her children to the state for her and her husbands violent relationship. His other daughter had a pregnancy she hid until delivery from everyone. And got pregnant 9 months later again and has no home for her and her child. The third is also couch hoping and leaching off my husband for rides to and from his job. Why are they both homeless you may ask. Well his daughter with her baby expected to sit on her cellphone talking to men and going out too hookup and just leaving her child with me. I can not lift over 10lbs. I reported her to CPS for child neglect and endangerment when a snapchat was sent of the baby with someone smoking pot behind her. She has custody still bc our system is so far behind and with bebopping house to house they cant locate her. The son stole my narcotics to sell. A year later I tried again to allow him in our home. He stole my car and gave my 15 yr old daughter pot that was laced with coke qnd meth. So I laid it out to my husband if he wants that life to get his own place and have them live with him and he can have a divorce. I can not subject my underage children to drugs. I absolutely refuse. I do not condone that behavior in the least bit. My husband is now sneaking around behind my back. His sons belongings are all in the garage. He gives him daily rides to and from work on our gas. He lies to me about taking him places. I know things are only about to get worse as his daughter is due next month with second baby and sold all the baby stuff and has nothing. Yet she refused to work claiming she cant because of having a baby already(bull crap as most women know). I will help people who help themselves and fall short but I will not support adults who make 0 effort and feel they are owed. My husband seems to be over compensating because their mother died from cancer. I do not know what to do to save us from falling to pieces. I am ready to give up.
When you discover you have
When you discover you have married a big time loser, the only sane thing to do is to get the hell out of there.
I’m surprised you hung in
I’m surprised you hung in this long. I agree that life cannot go on this way.
All the enabling would be a lot to handle (I know first hand) but then to be lied to about everything is inexcusable.
I am at my wits end with my husband’s guilt enabling too.
I have order a book for his birthday - Setting Boundaries.with your Abult Children.
https://books.google.ca/books/about/Setting_Boundaries_with_Your_Adult_C...
If he doesn’t read it I will read it to him and set up a Counselling appointment too.
Just wanted to let you are not alone.
Cut your losses
and follow through with "get his own place and have them live with him." He definitely doesn't have your welfare in mind at all. DH is opening himself up to all sorts of legal and financial problems. It is only a matter of time before it starts to filter on to you. It's only been two years - that's nothing compared to the hell that this man could cause you if this relationship continues. Show your Daughter how a REAL Husband treats his wife so that she will not make the same choice of a Husband that you have. In other words, kick his a$$ to the curb and make a resolution to make a better life for both you and your daughter. You're both worth better then this.
I would let this marriage
I would let this marriage fall apart. The level of dysfunction in your husband's family is frightening, and he has demonstrated that you cannot trust him with his sneaking around and lying to enable his children. What is a marriage without trust? I would not want my own children even exposed to this. Did you realize what you were getting into when you married him?
Eight children between the
Eight children between the two of you, all between 12 and 21 years old. Neither one of you are some prized catch.
Let him get his divorce. You've got five kids of your own with a year apart each. You need to be worrying about how you and your last ex are going to get your own five through HS and then college so yours don't end up in the same boat your now husband's adult children are.
Concentrate on getting your own through a higher education so they can truly afford to go out on their own without popping out babies, couch surfing, DCFS as regular visitors and welfare as their future.
I always wonder about the
I always wonder about the decision-making process in these situations, too. Perhaps I'm odd, but there is no man in the world worth this sort of thing - if I had 5 kids of my own I'd be too dang busy to date and marry anyone. Nor would I want to blend my 5 with his 3 feral children.
I suspect I'm missing some gene that makes coupling up more important than sanity.
You married a trashy man who
You married a trashy man who’s raised trashy, no-class loser kids. These people are only doing what ghetto people of their sort do. What were you thinking? Do you want your own kids to turn out like his teenageBreederCriminals??
Either do your duty as a responsible mother, toss out the trash and divorce, or settle in for a lifetime of being part of a family of lowlifes. And please PLEASE make sure you’re on extra strength birth control.
I am sorry to hear you are
I am sorry to hear you are going through hell. It is not fair for a person to be treated like a door mat.
You mentioned your DH moving out and living with his grown kids. I moved my DH to SD57'S house via Law Enforcement escort. He had to live with her and son-in-law for a few weeks, until we appeared before a Judge, thus I lifted, by request to the Judge, orders to allow him to even talk to me. It wad good for both of us. It was make or break.
Long story short, it cured the BS. We both have had to make many changes, but the best, I don't have to deal with SD57 as before. It is history, my boundaries, and the best thing, I saved my marriage.
I am not going to tell you to take such drastic measures, but my DH pushed it one step too far.
We are doing much better, not perfect, but it is better.
(((((Hugs)))))
You obviously cannot continue
You obviously cannot continue to expose your own children to the drug and breeding habits of his toxic semi-adult waste of skin prior relationship breeding experiments. Nor should you, and just as obviously, continue to expose yourself to this waste of skin toxically failed parent.
He is lying to you, he is sneaking around behind your back. No relationship can be built on that kind of crap and survive.
Move on and don't waste any more of your time on this shallow and polluted gene pool. And for damned sure stop sacrificing yourself and your children on the alter of offers to the toxic blended family opposition.