Hi, new here but I’m desperate. I need help with my wife who is an enabler to her daughter. When we met, she had a daughter 10 years old and I accepted this being adopted myself. We got married a few years after and as my sd got older she got more manipulative of her mother and defiant towards me. She showed signs of trouble at around 13 and it just got worse. She would hang out with the worst kids around and defended them as “her friends” fiercely even though I didn’t want them around. She and a “friend” decided to break into our house while we were on a long needed vacation and throw a party resulting in our house getting robbed at the age of 16. She was supposed to be staying at her dads. He’s another story but needless to say, no help there. More incidents than I can remember: pepper spraying kids in school, getting kicked out of school, had 2 restraining orders against her(and us) by other girls and parents for fighting with them, sneaking out, sleeping with older guys the list goes on, you get the jist. This was all while she was a kid... No matter what we tried, counseling, tough love, private schooling (she got kicked out for not following the dress code and blamed it on the teacher being a bitch). All the while, I was the mean one, and my wife was the saint. Every time I wanted to go to drastic measures like military school, she wouldn’t go for it and my stepdaughter kept manipulating her and wound up moving out at 18 because I had enough. I said me or her and it only lasted a year. For the next 12 or 13 years the disasters kept rolling in from her. She moved back in...with her baby @ 19 and I had to endure an abusive father that I almost went to prison trying to choke him out when she came home with a black eye. Next, she met a sailor off one of the Navy boats, and the stayed with us till I knew caked them out and they had another kid. He got fed up with her mouth(which by the way is very nasty when she doesn’t get her way). That was dissapointing because he was level headed and it looked like our troubles would be over for a while. She just nested in with him and just head tripped him while smoking pot in front of her 2 kids. That pissed me off her doing that with small kids around but supposedly it was none of my business. I should have called CPS but Noooo. Anyway, I figured she was cheating on him and that was that. He then got full custody of their daughter because she couldn’t pass a urine test.(by the way, my wife shelled out 3 grand for her lawyer against my wishes to get it pissed away). So, what does she do? She hooks up with I don’t know how many other dudes, we take in her son (first kid his dads in prison) for a year till she”gets on her feet”. She then decides to get pregnant again with another guy, has a daughter, and doesn’t get through 3 months with the baby before they’re in a fist fight (in front of the kids) and he goes to jail, and she’s in a battered woman’s shelter. OK, now this was 2 weeks ago, and she is coming to thanksgiving tomorrow. But I won’t tolerate her living with us anymore because of the disrespect. Smoking weed in my garage, people I don’t know at my house when I get home for work, cars pulling in my driveway in the middle of the night waking me up, yea there’s a history there. Oh and things missing, I gotta lock everything up, so no, she can’t live with me. Her mother on the other hand doesn’t want her grandchildren out on the streets so she’ll do antpyrhing for them blind to our needs. I came home from work today in a good mood that changed quick when she told me they we going to be kicked out of the shelter on Monday and I knew it was coming. I don’t want her living here, and Have a bag packed ready to go to a motel till I find a place of my own while my wife takes care of a 31 year old sociopath who doesn’t have a clue how to be an adult. If I let her stay with us, I will forever be paranoid about my belongings disappearing and people I don’t like in my house. If i continue to say no, my wife will be stressed out worrying about the grandkids, so I’m ready to sacrifice myself and just go get my own piece of mind but it’s a lot of work for an aging guy with aches and pains and I don’t want to move out of my own house. What do I do?