Legal and Emotional Issues with Stepchildren
I see that many of you have posted about the requirement of detachment with they stepchildren and even perhaps with your spouse. I am new here. I was married to their father for 17 years and they never really accepted me, no matter how many meals I cooked, how many parties I planned, how often I put them up or listened to their sobs on the phone. What wasted years! I was my husband's third wife and so the primary issue was inheritance. My husband was a nice man but a chicken when it came to trying to please all of us, so his trust was murky and they are fighting me every step of the way. I've been working with a lawyer for more than a year (he died 1 1/2 years ago) to try to proposed deal that would benefit both of us. They have all been declined and it's clear that they don't think I deserve anything. The last missive from his daughter was so mean and greedy I have been down with intestinal problems for the last three days. How do I detach in the middle of this battle. I am not going to give away the store because it won't stop them from coming after me for more!
These "kids" are both nearly 50, have turned my two granddaughters against me, are extremely passive aggressive and just plain mean. It's so clear to me now that they never loved me. I look back and retrieve awful memories of what they said or did. I feel like a fool that I went into this marriage so blindly, and believe me, I would never get involved with a man with children again. What a hard lesson to learn.
Thanks for letting me vent and any advice you have I would be most grateful to receive.
So sorry for your loss, Lucy.
So sorry for your loss, Lucy. If things end up like this for so many unless we totally disengage, I wonder why it seems to be such a well kept secret. As I read and read this site, I know if I wasn't financially responsible for this house I would have ready left. The emotional abuse and disdain never really ends.
It almost worked, I know what
It almost worked, I know what you mean. I keep looking for books on this topic and they don't exist. you hear about these situations all the time. Why has no one studied it?
There are no books or studies
There are no books or studies on it because our society forces us into believing that families, even step-families, are supposed to fit the Norman Rockwell mold. You know?
I agree with STEPASIDE: let the lawyers deal with them. Cut all contact. Your relationship with them died with your husband. I am so sorry. Allow yourself to grieve, then move on with your life. (((HUG)))
There are no books or studies
There are no books or studies on it because our society forces us into believing that families, even step-families, are supposed to fit the Norman Rockwell mold. You know?
I agree with STEPASIDE: let the lawyers deal with them. Cut all contact. Your relationship with them died with your husband. I am so sorry. Allow yourself to grieve, then move on with your life. (((HUG)))
Sorry for your loss and
Sorry for your loss and situtation. Try not to interact with your step kids unless necessary; do you have lawyers handling this for? If so, let them do all the interactions. I'm sure it must be heartbreaking to have your grandkids set against you. I wish you luck with your situation
Blue Belle, Thank you so much
Blue Belle,
Thank you so much for giving support to a step parent. It is such a breath of fresh air. I do believe that she (your SM) can fight this, however, if it's just all in a will. Unfortunately, my husband put his wishes into a trust, which I stupidly signed. I was very ignorant! He kept promising to change it and even spoke about his intention to change it to his kids and my sister, but a fat lot of good that does me now. I'm on my second attorney. There are two properties in the trust and I am trustee of both of them. We will soon go to court to have a judge determine what my rights are as a trustee. I would like to rent the second home, which makes them furious, so I have to choice but to go to court. My small income can't keep the two houses afloat.
You tell your attorney to get
You tell your attorney to get the best deal you can and then he asks the court to finalize it. It may be that the court will have to work the details as the kids won't settle. Take what the court gives and walk away - your health isn't worth the money.
This is such an eye opener
This is such an eye opener for me. My husband and I finally got will's written up about a month ago after over 20 years together. I think after having our son (who is 7) i started to worry about what would happen to him if something happened to both of us? It made me stay up at night.
It just amazes me that even at 50 these people you mention (my stepkids are not that far away from 40!) are sitting around waiting to see what they are still entitled to. We just had a friend of ours, also in his 50's go through a total family battle over his mothers home. The house had virtually no equity in it but here all these people were fighting over the crumbs.
I wish you the best of luck, i agree with the others. Avoid dealing with them, let your lawyer do the dirty work and move on. I know it must be so difficult to have such greedy self centered people hovering around but when it is all said and done they are nothing more than pathetic vultures.