Lazy adult stepson moves back in..HELP
My name is Jessica and I've been married to my husband for almost a year now. We are 4 months pregnant with our first baby. My husband has a son from a previous relationship. The mother is nonexistent and they haven't spoken in probably 20 years. I love my husband, his kindness and humor is what made me fall in love with him. It's been an ideal marriage but not without some bumps in the road. His son is 20 years old. I didn't think he would be a problem but he's becoming a bigger one by the day. We met about 2 years ago so I didn't know his son when he was younger. I am only 7 years older then him. I am 20 years younger than my husband. His son was mainly living with his girlfriend most of the time up until now. His son and I get along great. He is very sweet and caring a joy to be around.
The problems...His son is almost 21 and just starting his junior college career. He has maybe a semester already done. He does not have a job. He goes to school 10 hours a week. Other than that he is over at our small condo playing his music secluded in his room downloading movies all day. I really don't want him living with us and whenever I try and bring it up with his dad it turns into a fight. So i've learned to not say anything. His son is a little slow on the maturity side like most young males are. I honestly don't want to be at home when his dad is working and we're home together. He is a grown adult and it's awkward having a man living here. I want to help him get on his OWN feet at the same time helping my needs and get my husband focusing on us and our baby who's coming soon.
I am at a loss of what to do..please help.
Jessica
Your DH sees his son as part
Your DH sees his son as part of his immediate family. Imagine someone telling you that the baby you are carrying should be booted out of your home. Even when kids grow up it is hard for parents to see their children as adults. My kids are in their late 20's and I can remember them as gradeschool kids so easily. You see SS as an strange adult man who has moved in with you - more like a roommate that you found on Craigs list. The difference between your perceptions is going to cause problems and the best way to get him to see it from your point is to be able to see it from his.
Frankly, this is something that you should have talked about a lot more before you got married and especially before you got pregnant. So how do you reach a resolution? First explain to your DH that you like your SS. He is a joy to be around after all. Second, explain that your pregnant brain (google it) makes reason hard for you and the desire to nest is high - hence your previous desire to chuck SS out the door. Third, state that you would like to be on the same page with DH. SS appears to be stuck and needs help to get on with his life. Last, develop a joing plan and support DH in implementing it. Accept that it might be months before SS is on his own.
Good Luck