I am so sorry because it sounds like you love him very much. However, it takes two to make a relationship work.
He was not a partner, sounded like he did not treat you well..
I hope you have peace now that SD will be out of your life! That had to be so draining.

You are in my prays hun. I are strong and will be back on your feet in no time.

Divorce is scary. I left my first husband; father of my 3 boys. It was painful and hard but once I got used to not being abused, I found a new life and new joy for myself and my children. I know it's scary now but try and take little forward steps, take one day at a time and you will be amazed at what you can achieve. F his daughter and her husband. Be done with them. Husband wants a divorce; fine! You will be ok. It may not seem like it at first and you will cry but in the end you will make it. I know this because that's what I did and if I can do it then so can you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers
Amber

I'm so sorry it came to this! I know it's going to be hard, but not as hard for you as it will be for him when they chase off anyone in his life because they now know how. He'll eventually realize he ruined his own life for them but you'll be in a better place. Hugs!

Sure...post anytime. It is sad. He is a Disney dad and has no balls. History will just repeat itself in his life. He will not change until he hits rock bottom. Be alone can sucks at times, it is way better than being with disrepectful people. Disney dad with chidren is one thing. Being Disney Dad with adult kids...is a sick disease. That is my thoughts.

HUGS!! Hang in there!

Sorry you are going thru such tough times right now. I wish you the best and hope all works out for you.

NorAstepmom I am so sorry to hear this, could he have just said this out of anger ? Has he said this before ? I know both me and DH say stuff like that when we are upset. You are strong and if he can't make a stand for you, to demand they respect you ,you are better off. I love the saying "this too shall pass" cause no emotion lasts forever, you will eventually look back and laugh at why you stayed for so long. Its also a possibility that you leave and DH realizes what he missed out on and will come crying back.

Man this is sad. So sorry for you Nora! Please don't be a stranger- I know we all care and want to know how you're doing. You can do it. ps- I think your DH is due for a rude awakening very soon.

Nora, we love ya hun. Please stay strong. You deserve so much better.

{{{{Hugs}}}}
This is so hard & Painful. No is the time to loo out for you. Grab any funds you can so you have something to work with & contact an attorney.

I'm very sorry you are feeling hurt, frightened, confused and lost. But I am happy that your husband has finally given you something special. The gift of freedom. Right now you don't feel that way, I understand, but in time you will. The reality is you haven't lost a husband, because a real husband would not treat his wife as you have been treated. He has been using and abusing you for years, now for whatever reason he is setting you free. One day very soon you will not only be glad he did this, but you will regret you didn't do it yourself years earlier. Your new life will be far less stressful than the life he has given you. Don't make another mistake here, don't walk away with nothing in a last ditch attempt to prove to him you weren't all about money. That won't change how he or his kids feel, make sure you get every cent you are entitled to. In fact, I think you should now take control. Don't sit back and wait for him to start legal proceedings. Take charge, see a solicitor, and show him and his kids you are not going to be walked on by them ever again. You may be losing a bad marriage, but you are gaining a far better life. Time to dry your eyes and start taking charge. You don't have to sit there waiting for him and his kids to dictate anymore how your life will be. You owe your husband nothing now, he does not deserve your loyalty or respect. Take control, find a solicitor, and let your husband see you are not the pushover he and his kids think you are.

Good Advise...GET A GOOD LAWYER!!! You will be sending the message...you do not take being SHIT on lying down. If he wanted you to quit your job, he should have his will setup to take care of you. No woman or man stays out of the work force for years, then...jumps back in it ASAP and lands a good paying job.

Your DH has pulled this crap repeatedly. Get a good lawyer.

NoraAstepmom I am so sorry you are going through this. I so feel your pain as I am in the same boat as you are. I was also told DH wanted a divorce and asked me to move out of the house that he shared with BM before me. I have now been out of the house for close to 3 months.

I won't lie, I miss my DH oh so much it's painful. But being out of the hell, stress, drama out weights my love for him. And each day does get better. I can even tell by my looks. You can look at a picture of me from just a year ago right after DH and I got married and then look at a picture of me right before I moved out of his house. WOW HUGE DIFFERENCE! Doesn't even look like the same person. Now I am constantly being told that I am starting to get my looks back. I can't believe how I let all that crap get to me so much!

A few made comments about your DH coming around eventually. This is something that I have been struggling with since our breakup. I too feel like yours as well as mine will come around. I think that they are caught between making everyone happy but themselves. I don't know about your DH, but mine was getting pressure from his sons as well as friends and family (because sons talk to them) to leave me. I believe the pressure got to be too much that he decided to take the easy way out by ending it with me. I don't think he actually believed I would leave. And I know that he really didn't want me to go. I think he wanted me to cow down to all the shit and tolerate his son's behavior whatever they dished out with a smile on my face. He was quite shocked when that didn't happen. Since I have left there has been no communication between us period. He has not filed for divorce nor have I.

Having said that, I totally recommend once you do leave limit your conversations with him to bare minimum if at all. This is not a stab at him, it's for your own sanity. Going through a divorce is one thing (this isn't my first time) but going through a divorce after dealing with toxic waste of steps is even more to process and heal. This is what I am doing. I try to remind myself that I did my best but it was a loosing battle that wasn't my fault. I remind myself that even though I am no longer there, the drama is still going to happen (btw, YSS was arrested again 9 days after I moved out). I remind myself that even if he replaces me, that woman will go through the same thing. I remind myself that I have survived worse and no matter what has happened in my life, it always turns around for the better.

Also, like a few other posters have said. Our DH's are actually being kind to us if you really sit back and think about it. And what's funny the DH's don't even realize it. You were in your relationship for a few years same as me. We could be like many others on this board going through it for 20-30 years. I couldn't even imagine!

I think when we marry men like this we spend years trying to fix it. Trying to get on with the steps. We examine ourselves and we try to find ways to make the steps feel welcome in our homes. We do this as we see it as our role to blend the families and maje our husbands happy.

There is a type of man who raises kids like this, there is a type of woman who puts up with it for years. Both of us, the male and the female need to grow a spine. This lifestyle isn't good for either of us, nor is it good for bio or steps. There are never winners while you live this life, only losers.

Norastepmom, stop thinking it's you. Stop trying to fix it, stop wondering where you went wrong, what you can do now to stop your husband from leaving you. This kind of thinking is what got you into this mess in the first place. It's not you, it's them. It's the way your husband raised them to be, it's your gutless disloyal husband who allows them to behave this way. You cannot fix or change them. You can only change and fix you. Your husband thinks he holds all the cards and he uses them to bully you into submission. Show him you refuse to play his childish game anymore. Show him a strong, decisive woman who's sick of his crap and his kids, muster all your courage and call his bluff, don't allow him to keep calling the shots. He wants a divorce does he. Well go out today get a solicitor and give him one. Show him your not going to be bullied and used anymore. He's counting on you being afraid, he's counting on pulling you into line here. You need to pull the rug out from underneath him and see a lawyer now. Let him see your strength , not your weakness. This is no time for self pity. This is the time to stand up and fight . This is the time to be strong. This is the time to see it's not you it's them. Your dh and steps. There was nothing wrong with you going into the marriage. But there was definitely something wrong with him and his kids. YOU WILL NEVER, NEVER CHANGE THAT. People like this cannot change. But you can change you. Show him your strength, don't wait for him to do something to you, to divorce you on his terms. Start talking with legal representation now. Then tell your husband if he needs to speak to you, he's to do it through your lawyer, your sick of his childish games and your sick of his kids. Let him see the quiet submissive woman he married, is not the woman who is divorcing him.

Who knows. Perhaps if you stand up here and take action, instead of allowing him to call the shots, to treat you like a fool, like a doormat to wipe his feet on, he may actually begin to respect you. But if not, if he's happy to go through with the divorce then you are better off divorcing. It is pointless to cling to a man who doesn't want to be with you. But you need to change. Doing things the way you have been is what put you here in the first place.

Everyone here has given you great advice and support. I can only add that being the wife of a widower is a unique and very difficult relationship. Having been married to one for the last 12 years I can tell you at best it is a constant insecure feeling and at worst it destroys one's self-esteem. It seems that no one is ever on our side. I hope there are better days ahead for you.

Words are cheap and easy. Actions speak louder than words and action is needed here, not cheap words or gestures to placate you. If he seriously wants the marriage to work he needs to put you first, he needs to demand respect from his children for you and if they can't do that, then he needs to tell they cannot come into your home. You've said what he's saying. But what is he doing.

Please please please don't take him back! This will never change. I notice you feel you have no options and that is why you are staying. Don't you see that is EXACTLY what abusers do? They make you feel like you have nowhere to go and so you have to stay and take it. It was NO accident that you had to give up your job. Don't stay. Go to a shelter and file for divorce.

Staying because you don't want a third marriage to fail is no reason to stay. It's not a foundation for a good marriage.

So both your ex husbands said you were TOO nice. And you still haven't learnt the lesson, Giving your all to a man, putting his happiness, wants and needs first last and foremost, never getting your needs met, is a sure fire way to ultimately destroy a relationship.

You need time on your own to learn to live with and like you.