It's complicated.........
Ok, usually I come here to bitch about my dh's bitches (lol), but I have my own soap opera, or rather my ex does.
Here's the dilemma.. My ex lived with his ex fiancée for the past 10 years. She has one daughter, 20 years old, who became very close with my children, and they all refer to themselves as siblings. So my ex screws it up by having an affair for the past 2 years with a co- worker who lives thousands of miles away..
So, the house gets sold and ex fiancée and her daughter now live in little apartment after losing their only house. They know that my ex cheated and are deeply resentful. However, her daughter continues to be very close, and visits at my home. She is invited to holiday and birthday celebrations. She is very curious about this other woman and occasionally asks my daughter about her, who feels very uncomfortable. My daughter is only 16 and honestly believes the crap that her father tells her.......ie......she does not know it was an affair..
So, my dh has my kids believing this woman is mother of the year. I have to add that she herself has 4 small children, yet basically spends 2 weeks of the month cavorting all over the world with my ex..it is not hard to understand why she left a doting husband for luxury trips....but this relationship will not last......and I feel the relationship that my kids have with their "step sister"is much more important..
So here is the dilemma........my oldest son turns 21 in a week, and lately tradition has been that we all go out to a fancy dinner.....we all including kids, my parents, me and my spouse, and my ex. We have included his ex fiancée 's daughter.
So the other woman will be in town this week and my ex has informed me that she will be attending. I have not invited my kids' step sister because of this. But I feel bad doing this. And I might add she is not particularly close with this son....
Any thoughts?
I would draw the line
I would draw the line now. This is a disaster in the making. New GF does not need to be involved with these traditions. if becomes serious and they marry, MAYBE, think about it.
just say no.
The problem is that she is
The problem is that she is visiting this week, and usually is in town twice a year? Look, we all have met her, including my parents and we get along.
And my ex made the plans for this dinner.......so if I tell him not to come, likely my kids will side with him.......remember, he is one of those types that get people to drink their kool aid..........my dh and myself married similar types ........except we have a relationship with my ex, which I do want to continue.
Also, this really is not my
Also, this really is not my problem. I need to let my ex and kids handle this......
Thoughts? Your ex is drama
Thoughts? Your ex is drama seeking douchebag with no remorse for the lives he has hurt. If you exclude the stepsister, the whore wins again.
Either way, I see this whole weird dinner blowing up with a lot of hurt feelings and drama.
I agree.......I have spoken
I agree.......I have spoken to my kids and told them that they need to consider this, and if they feel strongly that their stepsister attend, they should ask their father. Surprisingly , my daughter said that the gf has expressed a desire to meet ex fiancée and her daughter. Really?
So that is where things stand. I already have had dinner with this gf. She is charming, but I would expect that.
The kids are old enough to
The kids are old enough to know that life changes, sheltering form this isn't doing them any favors. It sounds like the adults invited to the dinner are ok with eachother. If your step daughter is usually there for this then go on with it.
I don't think she should
I don't think she should attend. They had an affair and I think your kids should know it. My father did this to my mother and my Stepmom never comes to anything unless I invite her specifically. I forgave him years ago, but my sisters haven't.
My two cents is that she should not attend it is still to fresh. This child is a part of your kids lives and should be included as she is considered family. Also, I think you are doing your kids a disservice in not telling them the truth as teenagers they are old enough to know.
Just tell your ex no....You don't want the drama there. Also, he can tell the kids if he wants, but someone should.
He did cheat on his fiancée..
He did cheat on his fiancée.. I am not defending him, but he did not string her along......he ended the engagement.. I do think it does not rise to the level of cheating in a marriage? Look, if you meet someone else before you are married.........why would you ever marry someone you no longer love?
I think I have handled it to the best if my ability. This really is between my ex and our children. My parents, and my dh and myself will show up and be friendly to whomever is there.
That is the best thing to do.
That is the best thing to do. Life goes on, things change. Why be miserable about it?
You've already made up your
You've already made up your mind. But I do agree that your children should know, are you sure they don't? Perhaps the stepsister has already told them. If they are close I would think she has. I would invite her, but let her know that the new GF will be there. Frankly, I'm over the whole family getting together thing, my feeling is when kids get older you no longer have to do that. That's my opinion, not my SO's ex. She believe we should all get together as a family.