I knew it was the calm before the storm!
SD26 called Daddy last night sobbing that he's never there for her...that he wasn't there for her when she was young (we once drove all the way to Florida to see pick her up for a visit and she she wouldn't come!) and now she HAS ISSUES because of him. Also, SD said that my DH badmouths her BM (deceased). This is the daughter that left her mother alone in Florida to die because she couldn't stand her anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth anyway--DH never talks about SD's BM. He said he hardly lived with her as they were separated four times. It was BM who wanted to leave my DH for another man that she had in Florida. Then she got to Florida and the other guy didn't want her. But she was stuck there. My DH gave her title to the house there (it was their winter house as DH's business is seasonal). DH came back here and got divorced. BM definitely had mental/emotional problems and DH said she was bullimic/anorexic too. I think SD is having the same mental/emotional problems only she is way overweight--she gorges herself.
I told DH that it was bullsh*t and that she is just trying to play 'victim' because I've been in the picture since she was about 10 so I know all that he did for her--all that I did for her. She was always welcome but pitched a fit when she had to stay with us. Later she learned how to manipulate my DH and make him feel guilty. I told him that is exactly what she is doing now.
Anyway, I told my DH to have any relationship he wants but that I'm not having her in my life. I'm much happier this past six or seven months without her. I told him that he can put up with her drama but that I don't have the time nor the inclination to put up with bad behavior. I told him that his daughter is manipulative, lies and is self absorbed. I don't even want her in my life anymore EVEN if she acts nice. I'm done.
I think that once you're an
I think that once you're an adult, you have to take the lead on healing past wounds and solving past issues by getting counseling, like SA said, and/or seek out some other form of resolution.
Part of the problem is your DH. He's not doing SD any favors by handling the situation the way he is now. He needs to tell her that he loves her, but she has to take to find a way to help move past these issues, because blaming him for them isn't working, and that he'll always love and support her, but the best thing she can do for herself is to seek professional help.
The best thing I ever did for myself was to continue to seek help as an adult and realize that I, as an adult, now had a special chance to turn things around for myself. Taking my fate into my own hands was very rewarding.
I've never met anyone who had a perfect childhood. But I do know a lot of people who realized that they, as adults, have the chance to make their lives better. Many people here, myself included, have divorced parents too. And many of your adult SKs had childhoods I don't envy. But they do have the power to make things better for themselves as adults. And most of them know it but choose to remain permanent victims. That's why I have little to no sympathy for most of them.
New wife, Sounds like your
New wife, Sounds like your friend the therapist is a freakin' brilliant!
Oh the victim card is the
Oh the victim card is the worst!!! My SD has her issues but she thrives on being a victim. She has spread rumors of how her parents & her step parents have all abused her. She is the one that bullies others..I don't get it! Grant you can't fix stupid but victims seem hopeless to me. I think its their way to being happy being miserable & don't intend on changing or even considering that they may be the one with the problem...