So my SD came to live with me and my DH when she was 16. At the time our son was 3. We lived in a 2 bedroom apartment and did not have much. She had been living with my DH's dad and his wife since she was 4 in a huge $500,000 house and they would always spoil her by buying anything she ever wanted. Including taking her on vacations to the carribian after telling her she was grounded, ect. We had always been told by them that she would never come live with us. Heck, they didn't even want us to visit with her so I never imagined that we would one day have her come live with us. The only reason they had her was because my DH was sent away for 7 years and her BM couldn't get sober enough to take care of her, so instead of CPS taking her, my FIL took her and raised her as his own. It was a pregnancy that took place after a weekend fling when my DH was 19. When my SD was 11, my FIL's wife told her that she wasn't actually her mother and that her dad was really her grandfather. It was very emotionally taxing on such a young child. I get that. I also understand the fact that her grandfather was her rock...the one person that she had a very close relationship to. So close, in fact, it ruined his marriage because he always stuck up for my SD, regardless if she was in the wrong or not. He never took his wife's side and I can see where that would be a huge issue. My SD apparently always had a lying problem but it got even worse to the point that CPS was called twice due to her lies. So she came to live with us because FIL and his wife couldn't deal with her anymore. It was extremely hard...I had never been a step parent not to mention I hardly had gotten to know her. We rarely visited and most of the time she didn't seem too interested that we were there. My DH and I agreed that our relationship might not make it because of the situation that we were in. We've had our ups and downs with her but the one constant is the attention she demands from everyone around her and the lies that she feels she needs to tell to get attention on a daily basis. I get that my DH feels regret for not being there and we've come to heads with her about that. But one thing has been made clear...do not disrespect my wife. He has told her that on numberous occasions and gladly takes my side on most things. We moved into our first home a week before she left for boot camp. It's been about 3 weeks now. Before she left she insisted that since our son got to pick out a paint color for his room she should be able to do the same for hers. We explained that she was leaving and would only return to visit, but she threw out the, "what if I die in the army...then how would you feel." Which totally trumped my DH's emotions and won out. So we painted her room a color she wanted which agrivated me to no end and she knew it. Then when we started moving our things in I saw that she had put her high school mums up on the walls. I made her take them down. I told her that this room was not going to be a shrine to her high school days...she is growing up and I'll be using this room as a guest room due to the fact that she will not be living here. So she took them down after throwing a crying fit and trying to get her dad involved. I think part of the issue is that my FIL passed away about 2 months ago so she is VERY clingy to my DH right now and I can somewhat understand that. I am also 6 months pregnant with our second child which brings on a whole new range of emotions in itself. I don't understand why she is trying to claim a spot in our new house at 18 years old. I've sat down with her and calmly explained that she is moving on with her life and will be back to visit but she won't ever want to live with us again. She will be in basic until fall and at AIT until the end of winter. Then she'll be deployed. She is an adult now, not a child and she needs to start acting like one. She has enlisted into the army and has been at bootcamp for about 2 weeks. That was entirely her decision and I commend her on making that choice. It is a breath of fresh air for me to be honest. No more drama or lies or me,me,me attention. Just peaceful nights with my DH and our now 5 year old son. I am worried that when we go pick her up from graduation it's just going to continue where we left off. I cringe evertime I think of what will happen. I have tried my best to do what I could for her over the last couple of years,and remain as positive as possible (counting down the days until she leaves). This included being there for her in the hospital duing a still born birth that should have never taken place. She had an abortion that went horribly wrong before we picked her up and I was the only one that stayed by her side for 2 days while she was in the hospital. I was the one to get the baby out of our toilet (it had been dead for 10 weeks inside of her)and to talk with the investigators. I paid the hospital bills and made sure she had everything she needed. That was still not enough...she has told me that if it weren't for my son, we would have no connection. I told her, "How about the fact that we both love your father?" Of course there was no answer. I've been there and done everything I could have for her and it's just never enough. She still feels like she deserves the moon and the stars from us and has the right to all of it. I'm ready to have my little family back and to start over with our LO that is due at the end of October. I did not sign up to be in this position, but placed myself in it because of how much I love my DH and how much I wanted to keep my family together. He is an awesome father and I didn't want my son to suffer. She is so jelous that we're having another child it's almost like she sees red every time we talk about the baby. She's always compares herself to her little brother (my son) and acts like we love him more. Of course I do, but honestly I don't try...it just is what it is. He is my child...I know I can't be the only one that loves their own more than their SD. My DH loves both of his children equally but she has so many abandonment issues it's ridiculous. I've even had her in couseling and all she did was lie to the therapist. She finally told us about 6 months ago that she doesn't need help, she is who she is and she's not going to change. She knows that she is a compulsive liar and there is nothing that she is going to do about it....the army will change her. I guess we'll see. Thanks for listening, I just really needed to vent