I don't know what to do! I can't take it anymore!
I have a stepson who thinks he knows everything. He has caused so much harm to my marriage from trying to manipulate my husband before we moved in together by telling him I was flirting with him to manipulating my husband to actually believe that his stepson's tyrids are just about jealousy and not that he thinks he knows everything. The fights we have are because my husband doesn't think his son is disrespectful by stating his opinions as facts. He thinks if his son actually came out and says something like "I am smarter then you" that, that is disrespectful. It has gotten to the point for me that I now don't think my husband respects me because he keeps telling me that I am wrong, or my opinion of his son is wrong.
I dated a man for 5 years. His mother was a very difficult person to get along with because she felt that I wasn't good enough for her son. (I can respect that because I have two children of my own) But, it made our relationship increasingly difficult because the man I was with believed his mother wasn't disrespectful by her comments. Alittle background before the comments: there were three kids, the youngest a girl. She was jewish and the father of her children was italian. She was divorced twice, two different men. So over the years of dating this man, situations arose; Sunday dinner, every Sunday at Mom's house. Dinner was always scheduled for 8pm. My son's bedtime was 8pm. She knew this. My son and I couldn't go and the man I was seeing would go without us, every Sunday. Weekends away, his mom would always somehow end up coming with us. One of those weekends away we had gone to the beach, it was the first time to get into my bathing suit, I am a skinny person, I actually had gained weight, and I made the comment to my boyfriend, "I look like I am six months pregnant" his mom, said "What? Your pregnant?" with a look of disgust on her face. "I said no, I have gained so much weight that I think I look like it". Being critical of myself, her replie, "oh good. I am not ready to be a grandmother." (she was pushing 60 at the time) A week later at a birthday dinner with my boyfriends family his mom asks his little sister when she is going to have a baby because she can't wait to be a grandmother. (disrespect?) Another instance, which happened often, when I would try to strike up a conversation she would get up and walk away. But finally the straw that broke the camels back was when we got engaged he couldn't bring himself to tell him mother. Everyone knew, his father, his siblings but not his mother. Thanksgiving she came to our house and I had to tell my parents not to talk about any wedding plans because he hadn't told his mom. Everyone left and my boyfriend asked me why I was in such a lousy mood. I told him because I had to tell my parents not to talk about wedding plans because you didn't tell you mom and it is starting to seem to me and my family that you don't want to get married. He then told me he had told her a few days ago. So my response was thats it, its over. I cooked thanksgiving dinner, she came into my home and ate with me and couldn't say "welcome to the family", its over, we are done! He was beside himself. But I pointed out this went on for 5 years and you did nothing about it. You told me it was all in my head. I said, you told your father that we were getting married. The next time I saw him he grabbed me and gave me a big hug and told me he was so happy to have me become part of the family but your mom, she comes in, sits down, eats, leaves and doesn't say a word. The relationship ended.
Now I feel like my husband is telling me the same thing. Its all in my head. I can't take it anymore!
I got confused reading this.
I got confused reading this. The relationship you had with your boyfriend has nothing to do with how your DH is treating you and you need to separate the two in your head.
You need to deal with your CURRENT relationship and those problems.
How old is the? Does he live
How old is the? Does he live with you?
The best solution is for you to totally remove the SS from your life if possible. No talking, texting, emailing, visiting. You may have to be in the same vicinity at times but a polite but distant relationship is best in a case like this.
If he's an off site adult your DH can see him elsewhere and he should NOT come home talking about him.
Sorry amber3902... I was
Sorry amber3902... I was really mad and I was comparing my ex's behavior of not standing up for me to my husbands behavior of not standing up for me regarding the relationship with his son. I was so pissed at the moment of writing that it came out all wrong. I am very sorry about the confusion.
to oldone: he is pushing 30 years old and just got married. He lives with his wife. I have continuely removed myself from the situation for the past few years by nodding, and smiling when he's talking and excusing myself from the conversation as politely as I can to go wash dishes or talk to someone else because the conversations he picks are really just his opinion on something and you really can't have a conversation that way. He expects you to agree with him and when you don't he gets more persistant that he's right until it blows up into a confrontation and he turns around and plays the victim and doesn't understand why everyone is against him. The thing is no one is against him. He will state something really dumb like one blow up we had with him on vacation went like this: (we spent a week away with him, he was with us every single day, and every single day he would tell us how we need to run our lives, what our views should be, and how great he is. We made plans to go out one day without him because we needed a break from him, he invited himself along and because we didn't want to be rude or start a confrontation with him, we decided to be bigger people and he came with us) So we are on a 2 hour car ride to go to the place we picked and two hour car ride back to my husbands parents. My husband and I were talking about music our our trip back, specifically the Beatles. It was a conversation between my husband and I and we were talking about our all time favorite songs that we liked by them and it turned into a "I remember when" on our lives as children. Out of the blue his son jumps into the conversation with "I know this isn't an acceptable opinion for most people, but the Beatles suck. They had no talent and one day in the next 20 years people are going to wake up and recognize they were talentless hacks." His father started yelling at him how inappropriate he was being at the same time of me saying "Your right, that isn't going to be an acceptable opinion and there is no way that in 20 years or 100 years anyone would ever agree with you." Which then led his son to say "See Dad, she thinks I am unacceptable." Which then led my husband to really blow up and point out that I didn't say HE was unacceptable, that infact I was agreeing with what he said which was that "I know this isn't an acceptable opinion... and to quit twisting my words to play the victim when he was the cause of the arguement. This 5 minute arguement led to him closing himself off in his granparents guest room and pack his stuff up to leave, and blowing off his grandparents for the rest of the day when we got back to their house.
Now for the most part, his conversations are about him being the best at "everything" and how smart and wonderful he is and the music he mixes is. I smile and nod. what am I supposed to do? I am being civil by listening to how great he is. But now in the past couple of months the conversations have changed with him. He comes more at me with absurd statements trying to cause a confrontation. He trys to instigate fights. I haven't stooped to his level until Thanksgiving because he offended me and my family to my face with his condescending attitude. I slipped up. (don't play with pigs because you will get dirty and muddy.. and the pigs will love it) Well I did. Bad bad move on my part.
I have found that it is just to hard and too much work to have a conversation with him. You can't. And having my stomach tied up in knots from the anticipation of the possibilty of a confrontation or a humilation of some sort I came to the conclusion that I can't be in the same room with him anymore. I told my husband that I was going to go see my parents when his son was scheduled to come over on Christmas and my husband turned it around and made me feel bad for wanting to be in a safe and healthy environment. He told me I was making him choose between his son and me. I tried to get him to see that wasn't the case, that infact we would be together all day and he would get to see his son with no chance of any type of confrontation unless he makes one with my husband. He didn't get it and he is now playing the victim card.
Really I think both of them are manchildren! They both love to play the victim card... grrr...