I can't live like this.....right?
Hello everyone. I am new to this forum. I am glad that I have means to vent with others that can appreciate my issues as a step parent.
I have 3 step kids. Ironically the teenager adores me. The two younger ones do not show me the same amount of respect or love. The preteen girl (now 12 years old) literally just laughs me off when I tell her to do or not to do something. The boy (9 years old) recently urinated on my toothbrush. When his mom addressed him about it; he didn't deny it and has yet to apologize. His mom did not punish me at all for what he did. Since that day (about a month ago), those 2 kids have ignored anything I say. I have no trust at all in them. If a 9 year old can piss on your toothbrush, not apologize and not get punished for it.... What am I to do?
What did his dad do? Are you
What did his dad do? Are you a SM or a SD? Just wondering b/c if you are a step mom and he lives with his mom then you need to go to his dad your dh. My dh would never ever put up with that crap. If you are a step dad then we need to know how his mom reacted, what did she do? Did she punish him? She should not put up with that either. The problem you have is the parents how did the react to his behavior? If they did nothing then you have a huge problem on your hands.
Sounds like the OP is a Step
Sounds like the OP is a Step Dad.
I am the SD. His mom (my
I am the SD. His mom (my wife) told him how nasty that was and basically left it at that. The boy and I have a half way decent relationship (so I thought). I used to let him play games on my laptop often. Since that day I have not let him play on my computer (he hasn't even asked until yesterday). When he asked I told him no because of what he did. I left home for the majority of the day and when I returned, my wife (his mom) allowed him to hook his Nintendo Wii to our TV in our bedroom to play. I feel like she doesn't care to punish him. She even told him if he had pissed on her toothbrush she would have whipped him. I guess my toothbrush means nothing.
No no, the bedroom is your
No no, the bedroom is your room. Please stop this now or it will get worse. At least one room in your home should remain untouched by skids. The bedroom.
I have made my skids uncomfortable to be in my room. I glare, if they sat on the bed, so did I. That stopped. The last time SS came to our bedroom to get his dads ipad, I glared at him. I was still in bed. He won't do that again.
Some of us keep our toiletries locked up or move them to the bedroom and bring them to the bathroom to use. It sucks, but its a way to handle it.
If you have an electric
If you have an electric toothbrush you could change the coloured ring on the head from your to his so he will be using the head that he has 'made his own'.
Don't engage with them. Don't
Don't engage with them. Don't watch them, don't tell them what to do, don't play with them, don't give them money.
I would not hesitate to piss on 9 YO toothbrush. See how he likes it. Even better, don't do it, and out of earshot of his mom ask him how his toothbrush tastes and just give a mischievous look.
I really wouldn't recommend
I really wouldn't recommend that. That would make his mom extremely mad!! There is no way that he wouldn't tell her. Don't cause extra problems that don't HAVE to be there.
That is really appalling
That is really appalling behavior. The BM should have done something. He's a 9 year-old and I don't think he should pay forever but taking a privilege away was good. Your wife undermining you is a very bad sign, I would try counseling if possible.
There is no way I'd be able to live like that.
Yeah, we need counseling. I
Yeah, we need counseling. I have tried to get her to do that with me for a while now about other issues in our marriage but she is ashamed and embarrassed about our issues. I'll post back soon.
If she isn't willing face
If she isn't willing face problems in your relationship head on then how on earth is she going to face inter-family problems?
The toothbrush thing is really creepy (beyond the obvious, I mean). The kid has some real hostility towards you and that needs to be dealt with ASAP, it's only going to get 1000x worse when he hits puberty.
And, Rock and a hard place,
And, Rock and a hard place, feel free to comment on my post about custodial StepDADS!!
http://steptalk.org/node/49440
That is absolutely
That is absolutely disgusting! I always worried about my skids doing something to my personal items like toothbrush, so I hide them! I figured they would use it to clean the toilet or something gross and disgusting --- wouldn't put it past them. Sounds awful, but after hearing your story --- can happen.
Your wife should have whipped him when he did that, if she would have whipped him if he did that to her toothbrush. I think I'd have a chat with your wife again if I was you. Or, if possible, have a little chat with the kid yourself and ask him "what the heck was that all about?" Or would your wife get upset? Sometimes I do take it upon myself to talk to the skids myself. I figure I have to live with these kids, I'm going to talk to them and try also. Sometimes it works -- sometimes it doesn't. Maybe give him the chat that he doesn't have to like you, but he needs to respect you and if he can't respect you he can expect to start losing privileges (if wife will back you). Or maybe that can come from her too.
I don't know -- I want to whip him myself! }:)
She wouldn't get mad at me.
She wouldn't get mad at me. But in a short while she wouldn't fully support any decision we came up with to punish him. Children need a steady mix of ying and yang, good cop, bad cop type thing. She does not have it in her to be the bad cop. Her son needs alot of bad cop. She wont give it to him and I'm sure his biological dad loves hearing how his son runs over me in a sense.
That toothbrush thing, can go
That toothbrush thing, can go both ways, ya know? Just saying-!!!! Ha ha, that would stop it I bet!!
True but I cant drop to his
True but I cant drop to his level. I gotta be the adult.
That is absolutely
That is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE behaviors; and your wife didn't punish him? If my BKIDS ever did something like that to my DH? Ohh, there would definitely be a butt-blistering session of whoop A$$ going on. Or...definitely there would be repercussions whether it was a privilege denied or something. I know as adults we can get pretty vindictive and do unacceptable things; maybe even think of of them out loud, but for the most part? We rarely act upon that kind of behavior. To condone it is like giving a reward..I hope you, DW & SS can come to a "Meeting with Jesus" so there is less strife in the home..
Thank you.
Thank you.