I am in such a christmas tangle
This is such a mess.
The nice stepson invited us over for Christmas Day. It was supposed to be SS and his fiancee and her family. This would have been a nice collection of people. Unbeknown to me, as the weeks went past, his fiancé family declined. Then the dreaded SD took their place. So I am now left with 2 Step kids, fiancee and DH. I swore blind that I would never be in a small gathering which included SD, as SS becomes distant and DH starts acting nervous.
Naturally I do not want to go, however I do not want to let SS down. He is getting married in April 2016, his BM said that she would not attend if I am going. DH then said he will not be going if I do not go. He then told his mother, that I am coming and he suggested that we all met for lunch. He told BM that things need to move on, I am important to his Dad and I will be coming. She ranted, screamed and raved, but he stuck to his words.
I really want to nurture this relationship. He is distant when SD is around, however he is really nice to me and my children when SD is not around. For this reason I will spend Christmas Day with him, even though SD is going. It is going to be uncomfortable and I will feel vulnerable, however I feel he clearly wants to accept the past and create a happy family. What I am going to do, is leave after christmas lunch and visit my family. I cannot spend the entire day in such a toxic atmosphere.
I think you've got a good
I think you've got a good plan.
Hopefully SS will appreciate you sticking it out for a few hours.
Does your DH still drive? Are you able to take separate cars, or will he leave when you do?
I was going to suggest what
I was going to suggest what your are already planning to do. Tell SS ahead of time you will be leaving early to spend time with your family. I wouldn't give him and exact time that you are going to leave. That way you can leave whenever it becomes unbearable and he won't think you are leaving before you said you would.
I admire you for going. It will be a tough day, but you are doing the right thing to preserve your relationship with SS>
The BM doesn't want to go to
The BM doesn't want to go to her son's wedding if you go? I just find that so odd.
My DH does not want to be within a 10 mile radius of his ex wife (she is truly a psycho bitch) but he couldn't care less about her husbands or boyfriends (and there have been many). He would not boycott SD's wedding because of BM, much less whoever BM is with. That person is the least of his concerns.
Sorry that you have to put up with the SD, after all. Just focus on the visit with your family afterwards.
It sounds like you have a
It sounds like you have a plan in place and it sounds like a good plan.
I think that before the wedding it would be a good idea for you and SS to have lunch and discuss how he withdraws when SD is around. He might not realize he's doing it. That might how he protects himself. I wouldn't ask him to change but just to be aware that he does it and that you notice it.
Exjuliemccoy.. No we have
Exjuliemccoy.. No we have separate cars.
I am so dreading christmas, but it is one of those things that has to be done. I have told SS that I would have to leave early, on when things get sticky .... off we go!