I am feeling just sad and empty this morning......
Well, that sums it up really..... Another terrible day yesterday, DH had some news which means he may have to cancel the Skids visit......it's a legal thing which may or may not be sorted out before their visit.....and will need to be sorted out by DH and I probably having to leave the country for a short time to handle it all !!! It sounds illegal but believe me it's not, just a mountain of red tape, etc!!!
Anyway, we end up rowing about the SD21 again, yes usually I try to stop the row going down the same old route, but hey, we were both in a state.....
DH said he just wants me to be good and let us all have a nice visit while she is here, if this happens..... He is only asking me to do this ONE thing and really in the big scheme of things it shouldn't be THAT much if a big deal for me.....these were roughly his words, I was fuming but I heard this !! He knows we don't get on , SD21 and I, he is not asking me to love her, and accept everything and if it was my child he would do the same for me...... Really ?? If this was say about a close family member of mine, he would do anything to help me out, etc, etc.
He says he knows it is not my fault that he has not seen her for two years, blah, blah.....that she is an Adult and living her own life....
I told him I am tired of knowing she is sitting on the internet for at least six hours a day, not working or doing anything for six months of the year. I told him I think when she finishes her education she will want to be back here with us, and I do not want to live with her again....
DH said he knows this and it won't happen , even he doesn't want to live with her again, but he doesn't think she will want to do this anyaway, so it doesn't matter. I also told him I feel like I am hanging around in my marriage waiting for that day and he is drifting away from me....he said that was not true, he loves me and we will be together forever.......
It was just so emotionally draining, now part of me wants this legal red tape sorted out before our deadline of next Monday, just so this visit can go ahead and it is just one week of my life
I shall just use and numb myself to get through.....that's how I feel.......
He has never ever said outright before that HE doesn't want to live with her again, so I was surprised when he said that.......
Sorry for the long post, will it ever be my turn to say, DH and I are on the same page and our life and love is wonderful.............
Sorry I was rambling the
Sorry I was rambling the internet thing should say, I know she sits on there NOT answering ANY of his emails......and I have to be silent when he moans and worries why she has not been in contact...then writes another email to her.....it's like a sick game and annoys me.
I don't mean use, as use drugs I never have, see another reason you shouldn't try to write a post with a raging headache after hardly any sleep.......
Wow, that really sucks but
Wow, that really sucks but hopefully he'll stick to his guns about really not allowing her to live with you again.
Sweetnothings. . this is the
Sweetnothings. . this is the 2nd time I've posted this. I tried to post this morning, but the site crashed.
You've already solved the issue here because your SD is going to have her education. Thus she'll be self-reliant and not have to move back home. Convince DH of this. There's no need for her to move home because she can stand on her own 2 feet. She should get a job and look for her own place.
I don't get along w/my SD (27), who lives with us and has been the source of much conflict and many arguments between me and DH. But I knew at the end of the day that with her education, it was just a matter of time before this nightmare would come to an end. She recently completed her master's degree, has a decent job, and is now self reliant. So she'll be moving out at the end of the month.
It will be your turn to be happy w/DH but you have to make things happen and stand firm. SD is already out, keep her out. Stay encouraged and try not to let this issue break your spirit.
Thanks for your reply
Thanks for your reply Shannon61, I am hoping that DH means what he said, sometimes it's hard to trust another promise when we've had problems before in that area. In fact this big situation we have at the moment has brought us a bit closer together after the massive blow up. He has been ringing me to check how I'm feeling, and when he's like this he really is like the man I met all those years ago.
I hope to goodness that SHE does become independant, he already thinks she is, but being at College and living on Campus, being given student loans AND with him paying for alot of other stuff I just don't know..... I know what will happen when that free money is gone after Summer and suddenly she is poor....well no job.....no money honey......didn't we ALL learn that ???
In the great scheme of things in my life and DH's, she really is only a small part of it, and maybe I can get through a couple of visits per year, I just get angry that she is the only thing we argue about and without that I would say life is good...... I just wish it was Tuesday already and we knew where we are with the legal problem and whether the Skids are coming a few days after that...yep...that's how close to the deadlines this is!!!! Stressful !!!!!!
How's the packing going..... I was itching just to push SD21 out of the way, and just throw all her stuff out of the window !!!! Too obvious I know but by then I was way BEYOND caring !!!!!
She needs to get a job and if
She needs to get a job and if necessary 2 jobs. It's time for the gravy train to come to an end. When my SD was out of work, my in-laws stepped up and helped her financially, but it wasn't a long-term thing.
Once she realized her car was close to being repossessed, she went out and got a "survivor" job until she was able to get a job in her field. At this point, she's working one job full-time and a part-time on the weekends when she can. DH nor BM nor anyone has ever stepped up w/wads of cash because it would have enabled her, and she's already enabled enough. As an adult, she's responsible for herself. Also student loan payments can be deferred, so there isn't such a financial hardship when they complete college. Your DH needs to take away her safety net and force her to grow up.
Regarding the packing, SD hasn't started yet. I have no idea what she's waiting for because she has the summer off, and is sitting around watching tv all day .. fooling around. But she's so lazy that she'll likely wait until the night before, not realizing how stressful it's going to be trying to get all her crap together. I would tell her, but she has all the answers already, so why should I give her the benefit of my wisdom? Celebrate good times come on!
Yes, some of that rings true,
Yes, some of that rings true, on probably three or four seperate times DH has actually parented his SD21, but he and I BOTH know it was too little too late....... He also continues to move the goalposts concerning acceptable respect and responsibilities with her. One minute he is.... " well she is an ADULT now, I can't say or express an opinion on what she does " then when there has been a request for money and he gives it to her, he says " well she is my CHILD what can I do ??"
Now we are seeing the same problem with the younger Skid, in that they don't want to get a little job and just expect the same as SD21. DH knows that I warned him this would happen years ago, when he was not parenting SD21 ....... BM is no help either, basic education, hates DH STILL ?? !! and just use to say... if they are with you it is YOUR problem, that never happens at MY house. Hmmm, it did but what can you do ????
Update..... After a crappy
Update..... After a crappy weekend.......
Well, it's Tuesday, and I had an awful weekend.......
Red tape for DH is sorted out, mine has not, it's delayed so as I write I still don't know if I will have to leave to sort it out next weekend......
Anyway, DH said he would wait until Monday to cancel skids visit , but on Friday a memail from SD21 asking what to bring, etc as she is staying with family before coming over etc. I tell DH that it is time to cancel, he says he was going to wait until Monday, to tell them it MAY be cancelled like by Wed. Yes, he was going to leave it that late.... I couldn't believe it. Well, another heated discussion, and I finally say well why don't you change their visit to just 5 days , DH says that is not fair for me, or for us, as I may be gone for several weeks, blah, blah. I hate my good ideas, I hate seeing him sooo unhappy..... DH did this, he gets his visit, he gets happy and excited, he stops worrying about the other little problem.....me....us.....our future in this country,his job...... but hey SD21 is COMING !!! See DH is my number one priority, but I guess it's not the same for him.......
I asked him how the hell am I supposed to be happy happy during this visit when this is still hanging over me, whether I have to leave, etc, the expense of it all, etc, etc. He asked me if I will still come on the city break visit or else he won't go, so I had to agree to that or I would be spoiling the visit AGAIN !!!
The only good thing is that it means SD21 will only be spending 2 days in the house then we are away 3 days on the break, then we come back and literally four hours after that they leave.....
DH is in the dog house and I'm not happy, and HE knows it, I drop little remarks as yes, I do feel like last on his list AND unloved AND this visit !!! This week is going to be HELL !!
Forgot to mention....more
Forgot to mention....more memails from SD21.....she is bringing a half empty case, to FILL it up, the giant shopping spree I warned DH about like a week ago......
She is bringing her laptop for College work.....to keep up with her courses....translates as I will be in my room surfing all night, haha !!
Well, what a surprise.....who knew ?? ME......dumb old little me...and DH was shocked when she wrote all that!! She's in for a shock, I'm turning off the internet at like 11.00 p.m, other skid is still underage and does not need to be on it all night too....plus we have about three early starts so NO sitting up all night.
Discussed the shopping spree, we have had some massive bills so DH said it is not going to happen, I am planning another big talk before they come to discuss all this again. We need to agree this....and DH is just trying to be sooo good and nice to me, just to avoid anything before they arrive....
I just want my old DH back please.....thank you.......