I'd get upset if DH planned a vacation of any kind with anyone other than me without telling me. Isn't it just common courtesy for spouses to inform each other of things they are planning to do? And if you aren't invited, shouldn't he be tactful about it and discuss it and care about your feelings about not being invited?

Maybe I have too high expectations for a marriage partnership ...  but I don't think so.

Did he promise you that he would give up taking his kids on grand vacations when you became married? 

IF my dh did this you can bet I would confirm my own 12days thru Italy with a friend and hubby would pay for it too.  IF it is good for the goose.

Forget counseling....put your money on 2 round trip tickets to Rome for you and a  friend...hell I will go with ya

Oh my, this just gets worse and worse. Do you even want to continue with the marriage? 

How did you find out about this second trip? Does your H know that you know, and what has he to say for himself?

I always wonder why people like your DH bother to even get married. Is it because it's something they think they should do? Or for the status?  Tax beneifts?  It seems his emotional life and activities revolve around his kids while you're just a lackey to fill in for sex and when his kids can't be there.  

Sorry this is happening so early in your marriage, but I guess it's better to deal with it now rather than later.  

When he is on his cherished trip with his kids, you should be at your desired destination having a ball with your friend.  If you have to fake it, act like you are just SO excited about your trip that it will make him think he is missing something.  You never know about those hot men in Italy!  Right?  For your anniversary, tell HIM to surprise you.  Let HIM do the leg work.  If he can go out of his way with his kids he can go out of his way for you.  You are not his secretary, you are his wife.

I'm not of the ilk who say, 'Take the upper road.'  Sometimes you have to get down to their level to get the message through.  He may be taking a 'superior position', but he's acting like a bottom feeder when it comes to being a good Husband.  Don't undervalue your own intelligence.  If he plans something without letting you be in the loop, let him know that you will be returning the sentiments.  If it's OK for him, it should be OK for you.  He needs to learn to adjust his priorities and choose to be married or not.  He has options and opportunities - if he fails to recognize them, too bad, so sad. 

My DH use to act like this just after we first got married.  He behaved like an a$$.  He didn't want to make any sacrifice for me what-so-ever.  When I retired and a friend gave me a party, he was mad because he had to take off an hour from his work.  I could go on and on about experiences with DH that made me feel like I was not worthy of his time or his demonstration of love.  DH was an 'educated' man too but for his own comfort and survival of the marriage, he learned to be a good Husband.

Like my DH did, your DH feels like he has to "make it up to his kids" because daddy got remarried to another woman. My DH changed when he realized we were going to split because of it. He had to learn that wife and daughters are two different things and are to be treated differently. 

When your DH is being an ahole it really doesn’t matter why.  If it’s because his pathetic crotch droppings are COD that’s not an acceptable reason. 

Thoughts regarding your DH abandoning you and worshipping his adult children.

While he is on that vacation over your annviersary give yourself the gift of having divorce papers drawn up and the locks rekeyed so when he comes home he feels the burn of his poor choice.

Don't saddle yourself with this POS waste of skin man.

Move on.

I wonder when he plans to tell you. I mean, most married people expect not to spend New Year's alone.

Play with him a little bit. Why don't you plan an expensive surprise trip for both of you over New Year's. When he brings up his trip, whip out your airline tickets.

What always stings so much is that sock in the gut when I find out -- which never seems to happen because he's giving me the small courtesy of telling me about it.

If I weren't so cheap, I'd have pulled this trick of planning an expensive trip when I know he's ditching me for SD. I just never have the nerve to blow the money, even when I know it will make the point.

Make plans for New Years that way, he will have to tell you 

Trips with just SO and SKIDs don't bother me. I encourage it because it proves I'm not interfering with their relationship. But planning the trip without telling me is quite a different thing. That's purposeful exclusion and is wrong across the board. You're the wife. That means you come first. He should have checked in with you and I'm sure he knows it'll cause a fight later. Most DH's just don't know what to do. 

Move out while he is gone, when he gets home see how he feels about not be included in big decisons. Once you have leveled the playing field THEN discuss how things will be moving forward. Whn people hit me in the face with a hard ball then act surprised that I am hurt I tend to hit back with bigger hard balls this why they learn not to continue to jack with me.