she didn't lose respect for you because you opened her mail... As you know that took place during her 3-4 weekly dinners. She got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. And who cares if you looked at it.. you were supporting her adult indulgences. If she is going to act like a child then she will be treated as one.

I wouldn't play who is going to respect whom first. You are correct, you are respecting yourself first. Cut off her gravy train and let DH know that he is a bad bad bad father, by not teaching his BD self- sufficiency or self respect. If she had any, she wouldn't be minnie the moocher!! At this point I would let him know that it's not important to you that he agrees with you.. he is part of the problem and it's their problem not your yours so keep it out of your house.

I so know what you mean about DH being a smart man, except when it comes to SD. sorry no referral here. I wish you luck

WOW! I found someone who has a H just like mine! Mine wont stand up to his 29 yr old SD from his last marriage. Are they afraid of hurting her feeling and not worried about OURS? YES, H and W should be a team!!!!

Your Hub sounds just like Mine!! My 26 yr old SS and SDIL are complete jerks to me, despite years of, for lack of a better term' "sucking-up" for the sake of my H. We go to all their functions only to be ignored, Bad mouthed, and I'm made out to be a mean SM who mistreats them. Hub will not stand up for me at all. And he KNOWS the truth. One stern word from him would turn the tide I believe. It seems to get worse all the time (if that's possible).
I'm just waiting for them to have kids so they can be used to hurt me as well. I'm right there with you Bethany! Hang in there!

the more I realize that today's kids are being raised by parents who(like my H and I) had to struggle growing up financially, with step parents too (me) and I can remember telling myself that my kids would HAVE the things I dreamed of as a kid if I had to work my fingers to the bone.. and thinking later when I became a step-parent that I would never do my step-son the way my step-Mom did me.. blah blah... and I have lived up to all of that. But in doing so have produced kids who feel entitled and that we owe them whatever they want and just can't see the sacrifices we made to give them all we never had.
I meet so many young people nowadays that are very narcissistic (sp?) in that the whole world MUST revolve around them and what they want and Their interests and to Hell with you if you don't like it. At the same time those same kids, while not 100% of them, seem unable to cope with making it on their own, and the parents are expected to dole out until the end of their lives. And they do! Because they fear the loss of that child's love.(and other reasons)
Some kids learn early on that starving their parents for affection and affirmation gets them whatever they want. AND it takes a tragedy to open their eyes to the fact that their parents did everything for them. Many times it is only in hindsight, and when it's too late.
We've had that lesson in my family. My sister passed away unexpectedly two years ago. She had taken a fall down her stairs at home the day before Christmas. She just got up, brushed herself off and got on with her life like the trooper she was. The impact from that fall perforated her upper bowel and she walked around like that for 3 weeks. Until this happened, we (There were 7 of us siblings) were busy living our own lives and we rarely visited one another, just on holidays, etc. Of course it's now only in hindsight that we personally feel that if we had been closer to her, someone might have noticed she was sick, and encouraged her to seek medical help. She didn't even know she was gravely ill because she never went to the doctor, and she was found having been deceased for about 2-3 days in her home. As we, assembled in her living room that night, listened to her voice messages from the previous two weeks None of us had called her to say "hi" even. So all the past disagreements, none of the petty arguments any of us had mattered, In HINDSIGHT.
But some people, children especially don't ever understand until then. What a lesson to have to learn.
Sorry, Long message and kinda deep, but I hope you see what I was getting at.
Barbara

My husband and I are seeking professional help TOMORROW for the same problems with this Ex stepdaughter (29 yrs old) I will let you know how it goes and what the counselor says!

We have gone through simular things when I found my SD and SSIL were using our biz debit cards for meals daily, and not just mcdonalds. I'm talking Ruth's Chris and Limosine service to and from, airfare for friends and family to come and visit, groceries, dvds, stuff from walmart, etc. And when I discovered it, my husband was angry with me. If you find a way to handle it.. please let me know.

I just LOVE children (at whatever age) who think they deserve respect from an older adult. Whatever happened to the truism that we respect our elders? Your SD sounds like a power freak and thinks she has it all. DH hasn't helped in changing that viewpoint, has he?

It took my hubby years to catch on, but I gently kept at it. He started getting the message once he spoke to other adults about it. They told him he was crazy to give them money and get abuse in return. Especially those friends that had witnessed the abuse through the skids disrespect.

I once wrote on a sticky note and hung it on the mirror where we put reminders to ourselves, "Insanity is doing the same thing, expecting different results." Try this on your hubby, maybe it will sink in.

One bit of advise: when my hubby did make the transition to "no more" I didn't MAKE him enforce it. If you find he "backslides" just give him a gentle reminder why he said "enough" in the first place. I think men struggle with "no more" because they equate their value as husbands and fathers so closely to their ability to provide financially. Gently remind him he is being an even better father by saying "enough" now. His own daughter's antics will reinforce that he made the right decision now.

I am so feeling all the pain here. It is every issue that I have beening having.

Now my question is, If all of our DHs is doing the same with the adult SD; like give money out like we grow it, allowing them to be lazy and not support themselves nor their own children to which they used against GP, and knowing which buttons to push; do they ever change and realize that they are doing a disservice to the SD?

If your DH have finally seen the light, how did he finally get to that point?

Please please tell me there is something I can do.

your husbands a wimp and you should stop doing anything for him or his kids until he feels man enough to treat you as his wife. honestly if it were me, I'd left him long ago.

Go to myspace and see if the 25 year old has a profile and waht she says...
we did that with dh's daughter and now after he sees what she is like, he has no problem at all standing up to her !

( after a few days where he was in shock, when he came back...
and was out of shock, he changed after seeing her myspace page)