How do you win a no-win situation?
After all these years (11 so far) I thought all this rubbish would be behind me. The two stepsons are SS18 and SS20. I really thought they would be gone by now and I am in mourning that they are still here and no sign in sight for their departure. I feel like I live in a share-house and I have never been that way inclined. They both work - earn more than I do but pay no rent. Yes there is just so much resentment built up over the years that is half the battle. I have bit my tounge or just held on because I could see that little light at the end of the tunnel that they were getting older and would soon be gone.
I know it sounds cliche but I am so sick of cleaning up after other peoples kids that I just want a place of my own. I really love my husband - when we are on our own life is grand but when the rest of the troop is around there is nowhere I want to be less. He loves spending time with them and can't see it from my side. I try and make him see it from another perspective that if he lived in a house with four women and ballet or gymnastics was on tv all the time or that was all we talked about he would go stir crazy within a week. But he doesn't get it. Why wouldn'y anyone want to hang out with him and the boys??
I would pack my stuff and go for a few weeks except I have no where to go. My son 12yrs also lives with us so I can't drag him around - I have no family and the friends I have I couldn't just arrive on their doorsteps for a while. I think I have hit rock bottom because I really believed they would be gone now, how dumb am I?
It is a no win situation because if they leave husband will resent me for driving them away and if they stay I am miserable and I just don't wanna do it anymore. Please what do I do??
is there anyway you can start
is there anyway you can start saving some money so you can get away for awhile? tell dh that he can pay more of the bills of the ss's can. Especially bills they help create like phone, internet, or utilities. I hope they pay their own insurance. If you can save some money you can maybe get a motel room for a weekend (to start with) that has a spa in it, invite some girlfriends to make it into a girls weekend if you want. You situation is tough, keep us updated.
I am so sorry you are going
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am starting to believe it never ends. I too thought it would end eventually, but I can see where the issues still come up...the resentment gets to be more...and the idiot skids & DHs continue with their guilt/harassment...
I too am in your situation, because all my money I spent to support my stupid DH and his pathetic daughter...now that we are drowning, it's of course my fault for not being understanding...funny he would have never allowed himself or his pathetic daughter to drown since I had money to give them what they wanted...
I wish I was close...maybe we could both get out...but I think the idea of taking a weekend away to think is a good idea. I am thinking if I can't immediately move out, I am going to book a hotel stay for me and my son and get the heck away from my DH too...
I see it from both
I see it from both perspectives....Luckly my two older boys ages 21 and 22(both in college) choose to live with their dad. One works the other one does not. I pay insurance, cell phones, and cable/internet bill for them. Their dad feeds them and keeps the roof over their head.
If they ever needed to move in with me I would let them. I love those boys so very much....they are my kids. I am sure your DH feels the same way.
Me and DH got married in February and he has 3 kids..ss12, ss10, and sd8 along with my son10. I keep thinking when they get 18-20 we will be free but damn I should know better.
Every other week when we have this three it is like a tornado hits my house....they are not bad kids but it just gets on my nerves.
Sorry I can't be more optimistic about this....but be patient a little while longer surely they will move on.
Thanks for that - I have had
Thanks for that - I have had that weekend away - and it was awesome =)!!! - even came back to DH trying to initiate things for the boys to do to try and help around the place. He does actually care and does try but doen't follow through for long. I am placated for a while but I guess it just comes back to the same ole thing -I have had enough of them. I have got to an age where I want to relax in my own home - not listen to whatever they have on tv or stereo at full blast. Yes they will turn it down when I ask but I don't even want to. I am sure this sounds terribly whingy because so many more people on this forum have so much more serious problems but I am also sure someone must have some great advice. None of my friends are in blended families so listen but have no idea.
The younger SS18 is suffering anorexia - yes in a boy - and I can't begin to describe what a challenge that is to live with. You have to cook while he's not watching (I love to cook)he is grumpy all the time. The way he speaks to his dad kills me - he wouldn't dare speak to me the same. But DH is worried about his mental state and him possibly commiting suicide. He has been spending amazing amounts of time with him lately to try and help him and I know I should be supportive - but its just about all gone. All the years of putting up with - have just left me cold and really indifferent. Sigh.