A couple of months ago my DH made a unilateral decision and my adult stepson moved into our home. My DH gets very defensive when I want to talk about how best that all three of us can live together.  Lately, we've been on very different schedules and I've been traveling a lot for work. They both have a habit of cooking and leaving dirty pans and dishes out all night. They leave for work the following morning without tending to their mess. Many times I've come home late because of work and dishes and pans are still out. 

Because of my schedule, I've been eating out a lot.  I just don't think it is my responsibility to clean up after two adults when I get home - especially when my DH does not want to discuss how we share space. 

My stepson is also living with us rent free with the assumption that he will be saving money to put a down payment on a house next year. I think that if there is no monetary contribution to household expenses, then he should at least take care of his mess immediately.

Has anyone else had this problem? How did you handle dealing with a husband who doesn't want to communicate and feels their adult bio child can just do whatever.