Do not for one minute consider that this is "your" house.  It never will be, even if you marry this man.  He has made it clear that he and his daughers (and grandson) are a package deal.  

You are in your 50's so making a mistake at this age could be absolutely tragic in many ways.  If you do not want to spend the rest of your life with your boyfriend's daughters, and have them run the show, then you should not move in.  You should tell him that you are willing to continue dating him but you will not be moving in.  

Keep your own place, where your own children are free to visit, and just date this man.  It is especially difficult with a man's daughters - much more issues related to jealousy, nastiness, etc.  

If that is really your picture, you're quite a catch for 53 (my age as well) and don't need to settle for moving into a household where other adults are lounging around with no ambition.  I bet you can find something better. Just being honest.

NEVER move into a house with adult children residing there. Ever. You don't move in until they are gone. And that might mean you never move in, and that's ok. I don't care how sparkly and new the home is; you will be naming it Chateau Misery.  His DD's think it's their's ( and it might be). You need clarity around who will be living there. You need clarity around what happens if something happens to your SO - are you out on the street? 

I have two adult SD's and the problems are bad enough without them living with daddy. 

Frankly, I think I'd have to say, "No, thanks," to that living situation. It sounds like a nightmare.

Rule #... well, I don't know what # it is, but NEVER move into a situation that is unappealing, thinking that you can change it. If you move in, knowing the circumstances, everybody thinks you are okay with it and will always be okay with it. You will be the bad guy for wanting to change it.

And, I agree with the above person who said that he's not building YOU a house. If it was for you, the daughters wouldn't already be taking up residency. He is completely supporting them and probably has no plans to stop. They don't have jobs so, of course, they will be moving into this new house, with your boyfriend's blessing, I'm sure. One has a kid, he's not going to put them on the street.

This will be your life, the anxiety that you are feeling, right now. Only, it will get much, much worse.

He’s not building you a house. He’s building his family a house and has offered you to stay there. If it was truly for you, the “kids” wouldn’t be claiming rooms like some twisted game of musical chairs.

Agree with the others, but your reluctance to even talk about it with the BF is what troubles me most. If you are in a long-term committed relationship, why are you hesitant to talk about something that is so important?

You said he's building the house for you -- is he paying for it, or have you hired him to build it? Big difference.

spoken to your BF about the living arrangements at this new house?  How does one get to a point of building a house "for" someone else, yet not discuss living arrangements?  How far along into the building process is he?  Have you discussed who will be living under this roof, or are you just assuming?  Did you two discuss this before viewing floor plans?  Are you contributing to the financing of the creation of this house? 

If the answer to any of the above is no, it's time for a serious sit down session with your beloved.  It would be in your best interest to know where his head is at with this, the particulars of the living situation, and whether you two agree on the living arrangements.

Good luck.

Parents who do not force their children to launch are not much as equity life partners. If both of these young women were in school and approaching graduation it would be something different than it is.

If BF lights the platform on fire and forces these women to jump or get singed then the smell test would be saying something far different than it is IMHO.

Until he does this... be very, very careful.

Take care of you.

Good luck.

If your boyfriend has 2 adult daughters that live with him I would never ever marry him.

If you want to date maybe. But those 2 daughters could be a total nightmare for you. Do not move into this house he is building.

Keep your home and keep your sanity.

To ever live with adult daughters spoiled by their dad. It never works out well for the intruder, and thats who you will become, in the house that he supposedly built for you!!!. Why does he think you will marry him no matter what? If you chose to say yes to this living arrangement I can see why he would think that. You need to be able to communicate with your partner, now, not after you make a huge life altering mistake. Good luck.

This is so common-you have adult children who have independent lives away  from you- yet you call his kids, who are not much younger, babies...???

They are not babies and that is what he can't face. My Ostrich is the same- he cannot accept that his offspring have grown-up and are living their own lives.

He needs to kick them out!! Or kick yourself out girl. You are getting anxious and have knives in your heart, well that's what brings so many of us to this site.

He doesn't get it- they rarely do. It seems some do, but often only after years of hard work and anguish.

This is my advice- he may listen and make all the right noises but six months later nothing has changed. If you stay and complain about them he will begin to resent you and your love for each other will grow cold. If you leave you may be lonely and depressed for a while but you will pick yourself up and get on with a life where you can enjoy the company of your own well adjusted children and have removed the poison from your life.

These are your choices, once they were mine but now my choices are being made for me by a man who says he no longer wants me in his life after almost ten years of hard work.The reason? I dared to criticise his off-spring, who are still expecting daddee to change their nappies. It isn't healthy. Choose to be well.

He is building the house for his kids too, you say; you won't move in with his kids, you say. So...you're at a standoff, but he doesn't even know that. If you don't tell him, you can't expect him to fix the issue so you can move forward - with or without him.

Tell him you are a grown woman and you must be the lady of your household, which isn't possible with two other ladies in the household. Tell him you didn't plan on living in a group situation. Let him figure out his priorities. If you mean that much to him, he'll figure out what to do with the daughters.

Don't compromise. And don't let him half fix it (i.e. telling you, "The daughters will move out as soon as I finish their house.") because your life will be miserable until that happens. It's fair to tell him that by early 20s, if the daughters aren't out on their own already, you have concerns that it won't ever happen.

It appears he' not building the house for you.  He's building it for his daughters and grandkid.

Have you redlined with him that you will not be living with him if there are adult children living in the house too?

I would talk to him now adn tell him what you expect and what you expect the living arrangment to be when you marry.  You do not deserve to be second to adult kids that have not launched.