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Guilt

Newimprvmodel's picture

Submitted by Newimprvmodel on Mon, 04/10/2023 - 7:27am

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Adult Stepchildren

We always seem focused on our own struggles with our SKs. An issue developed several weeks ago that made me feel tremendous guilt for the end of my first marriage and bringing Step hell to my children. And heat I'm focused on my own feelings yet I along with my ex were each responsible adults. Our kids not at all and they've had to navigate this craziness. 
Long story short. My 20 something daughter had become very close with her step brothers from her father's wife. All the same age. Within the past few yrs these young people have rented houses together in various resorts. So daughter was telling my how one of her best friends since the age of 5 had given her the cold shoulder and all her family had unfriended and even blocked her!  She reached out and got no response. This was several months ago. Daughter very upset especially given that she had suffered from own mother turning against her in the cruelest way. 
Turns out one of her steps had hooked up with her friend over one of their trips together. There was some talk it was entirely consentual? It makes sense to me that the friend could have even gotten pregnant or an STD in order to warrant involving her family into this. But another trauma for my daughter who really is a sweet soul.  If only.   So many if onlies.   Here I've been thinking of myself while she is suffering her own way. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

Submitted by Newimprvmodel on Mon, 04/10/2023 - 7:29am

MY mother, her grandmother had attacked her verbally and essentially rejected her to her face. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Mon, 04/10/2023 - 7:44am

I would do a lot of things differently if i had a do-over, too. Most people would, because nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. You can't change the past. If you want to atone for the past, your only opportunity is in the present and future. Support her now. That's how you can help her. 

Newimprvmodel's picture

Submitted by Newimprvmodel on Mon, 04/10/2023 - 7:59am

I need to stop whining about my mistakes. It's just time wasted and makes me more depressed. What's that saying the hardest place to get to is where you were 5 minutes ago. Very true. 

AlmostGone834's picture

Submitted by AlmostGone834 on Mon, 04/10/2023 - 9:41am

Seems to me this "friend" wasn't much of a friend if she blames your daughter for what went on between the SS and herself. Unfortunately people are going to change, grow apart, have falling outs, etc. but I can't see why your daughter would be blamed. The only thing I can think is something went down between friend and SS and the family is pressuring her to put some distance between that group of friends and her. Renting vacation houses and (I'm assuming?) partying might be too much for some parents. Perhaps they are pressing her to instead focus on college or her career and are worried she might get herself into some trouble. 
No idea but just some thoughts as to what might be going on.

 

halo1998's picture

Submitted by halo1998 on Mon, 04/10/2023 - 1:58pm

these people are adults..in their 20's....and they can't handle the fact that two of them hooked up  They had to involve parents in this...uhmm.....yea...seems to be some pretty crappy parenting there.  No offense but I would have told my daughter..you chose to hook up you pay the price.  If your old enought to rent houses for vacay and party..then well ya old enough to understand the consequences.  The parents need to butt out in my opinion. 

Sorry for your daughter...because that friend is just immature..if they can't figure out your DD and SS are two different people.