Good to see so many of us taking back our holidays and our lives!

I love those quotes!!! T.D. Jakes aptly describes what happens to us when we succumb to bitterness. It does kill our dreams and our hopes. This wasn't entirely a bad for me. Some of the dreams I had (e.g. everyone will like me) were idols best put to death. I'm emerging from all this with a new, very different life and perspective. People pleasing was a high priority for me. When things came to a head with DH's family, I found I had lost patience for any other relationships that were toxic or otherwise unhealthy. My desire to people please has been taken out the hard way!

I totally agree with trust. Christ was perfect and He trusted no man... John 2.. 23 "Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name, observing His signs which He was doing.24But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men,25and because He did not need anyone to testify concerning man, for He Himself knew what was in man."

He wasn't bitter or callous, he just didn't entrust Himself to them. Life experiences tends to erode our trust, we aren't born that way. I trust people to a certain extent, but no one absolutely. I can love them anyway. Just like I can love myself despite my own sin.

I think too, it's important to distinguish between forgiveness and reconciliation. I can forgive my enemies, but I'm not going to reengage in the relationship unless I feel true repentance and understanding took place. My experience is that it's rare. One of the people that mistreated me the most apologized but within a short time was back to the old behavior. I forgive her, but have no interest in trying to be good friends with her or even seeing her. I do pray for her and actually have lost almost all my bitterness I had for her. She's very toxic. If I kept trying to be in relationship with her, I'd take tons of time just fighting off the temptation towards bitterness, vengeance etc... I'd rather step away and keep Christ commandment to love by praying for her, without battling anger or malice.

Christ instructed people to wipe the dust off their feet when they left a home that refused to hear about Him. He didn't say to hate them or be bitter but to walk away and move on with their lives. I apply this to these type of relationships. I hope I'm right to do so.

I think we make a mistake when we try to continually enter into relationship with those who mistreat us because they are some sort of relative. I'm guessing entire lives have been wasted by focusing on the drama and bitterness that accompany these relationships. This is no way to live ours lives.

I'd rather focus on God, the one who can redeem & give me true and abundant life.