'Family' Dinner
So... I have disengaged from my OH's adult children, I just don't want to have anything to do with them... long story but over the years the interference has been overwhelming.
My new challenge is that my OH's Mother is travelling down to see the skids and she's chosen to stay in the same town as the skids and not in the town where we live (36 miles away). So my OH is going to go and meet them for food, which will include his Mum, Skids and partners and BM!!! As his Mum still keeps in contact with his ex, even sends Cards & gifts!
I am appalled at this! I could understand my OH's Mother keeping in contact with the BM whilst the skids were young... but now!! This just feels so wrong and disrespectful. Anyone have any thoughts on this? My next and biggest problem is my OH going to this 'family' meal.... I think its incredible that he thinks I should just accept it and IS GOING!!! Some days I think I'm going insane as he makes it out to be 'normal'.
I just don't know how to deal with this. My OH is very unsupportive, the skids come first even as adults... any ideas how to handle this situation? Thank youxx
Gosh you have your head
Gosh you have your head screwed on right...I'm in it up to my eye balls with my partner.. finances, pets everything. He knows I can't leave; infact I have no hold over him at all so he an treat me as badly as he wants. We have a 2 bed place, so we could split up, but I hate having to still live with someone when its over, its so difficult. Plus I know that if I do that, he will actually be relieved as he can go to the 'family' meal without any feeling of guilt! I don't have any choice but to put up and shut up - never get too involved with a man with kids.... it ill never be easy.
I'm sorry you have a MIL problem too and the way your SO is with his kids is exactly like my OH. I'm so fed up with it all, wish there was a way out r something I could doxx
Are you married to this man?
Are you married to this man? If not, consider that this situation will not get better when you DO marry him, and it will in all probability get worse. OH is gaslighing you - making you think this is normal. It's not. This would cause anyone to be upset. Try talking to a counselor about your concerns and work on the confidence to address the issues with OH. Good luck.
Are you sure she actually
Are you sure she actually cheated on him? Because I know my ex tells people all the time that I cheated on him. Recently he insinuated that I cheated on him on our freaking honeymoon! I've never cheated on anyone in my life, and certainly not my exhusband. It is easier for men to lie and say their ex cheated rather than admit that they failed at marriage.
Onthefence, I had the same
Onthefence, I had the same thing fom my ex. Our marriage failed because he went five years refusing to discuss the issues in our marriage and so I made plans and quietly left. I'm sure his family were shocked that our Brady Bunch family floundered (after 29 years) but there was absolutely no cheating on my part. It just isn't in my bones to think of cheating in marriage.
However, much to my surprise, about five years after the divorce, I started getting hate mail from various members of his extended family telling me they disapproved of my "cheating ways". So, I bundled up the letters and emails, and sent copies to ex and his lawyer and suggested that unless I had apologies fom each one of them, that I would reopen the support case. I got the apologies. The part about the support was bluffing, but I'm sure the prospect of more legal fees scared him into straightening things out.
My ex is now in a new relationship, and I'm sure once the honeymoon passes and real life kicks in, he will once again give up trying.
I recently found out my
I recently found out my inlaws are now friends with my husband's ex on FB. Husband was married to his first wife for 4 years and I never heard them say one nice thing about her and now they are "friends"? I agree with you, why would your MIL still be sending cards and gifts to your husband's ex? I think this crosses the boundaries of loyalty. I think they the inlaws might be thinking that it is the Christian thing or they don't want to create hard feelings but it does cause feelings in a different way, for us. My daughter divorced her first husband and I can say I have nothing against him but I have not remained in contact with him as I did not want to give my now SIL the wrong impression and I do support my daughter.
My mom is one to try to see
My mom is one to try to see only the best in people and even she recognized in fairly short order during my divorce that my XW was a skank whore of unparalleled magnitude.
She also could not comprehend that my SS's SpermGrandHag is an uncompromising and unequalled toxic manipulative bitch from hell. It took my mom overhearing a SpermGrandHag vitriolic telephone rant at my bride over some trivial non issue for my mom to gain clarity that her plan to give SpermGrandHag a call and bond as grandmothers needed to be abandoned since that toxic granny/Aunt Bee looking bitch is so far below my mother as to be on the level of dogshit on the bottom of her shoes and not worthing the piss it would take to put her out if she was on fire. Mom did with SpermGrandHag what she had done with my cavern crotched skank whore XW when she overheard a bitch phone rant. She took the phone out of my bride's hand, informed the SpermGrandHag that she was a low class useless individual, she would not speak to my mother's daughter in law and the mother of my mom's eldest grand child that way, that she was an abject failure as a mother to have produced such a useless individual as the SpermIdiot, and hung up on her. }:) I loved it. So did my bride. My mom was fit to be tied.
On one hand these parents that remain connected with their children's former spouses are adults who can make their own decision. On the other hand I think that that behavior is a passive agressive tactic to cut the knees out from under their own children.
If my parents pulled that shit, which they would never do, I would verbally rip them a new asshole for it and bare their asses on it publically and repeatedly until that shit stopped for good.
Well as adults SO's mum can
Well as adults SO's mum can be friends with whoever she wants. And how long has she known BM as compared to you? You cannot MAKE SO's mum not talk to people.
My DH sends a Christmas card every year to his ex MIL. I have met her and she is a lovely person. She always asks after me only because she is genuinely nice. I don't have a problem with that. Now BM ... who knows how she feels? As DH does not discuss BM with ex-MIL it isn't a problem.
Your SO wants to see his mother. He has to drive to see her and share a meal with his adult children (who you do not like)and along for the ride is BM. OK so let them have this 'family' get-together. Just let SO know that calling it a family dinner makes you what? Not his family? Because he cannot have it both ways. You are either in or out.
From there you make your future plans. If he does what a lot of men do and deflect this back to you hating his kids blah blah blah, just return to the statement ... is BM part of your family or not? And if she is, what am I?
What I would then do is make sure I am very nice and calm and give him something to really miss while he is wining and dining his mother, kids, partners and BM. With any luck BM will bring her partner and SO will be the odd man out. No wait, he always has his mum }:)
And rekey the locks while he
And rekey the locks while he is gone on his "family" dinner with his XW and their irrepairable toxic adult spawn.
}:) 
Sally, the diamond ring idea
Sally, the diamond ring idea is great. I think I'll do that as a hint, since SO is such a cheapskate he never would spring for such a thing. In fact, maybe I'll just get a real one and if anyone asks, I'll just say where did you think I got it?
I agree with Sally! Living
I agree with Sally! Living well is always the best revenge! You should def show up and out class them. Be yourself and be nice, and don't give them an opportunity to leave you out of your husband's life.