Does Anyone Else Have This Issue?
Does anyone else on here deal with Sk who blow off their BF completely, and BF is a good man and pays his CP and TRYED to show his BK love and build a relationship with them only to be kicked in the teeth? and talked down? but yet Holidays come BF still sends money? even tho they treat him like crap?
And does any BF have BK that do the ultiment disrespect by referring to him by his first name and not " Dad" ?
If so, I would like to know how others handle this?
Because this really bothers BF, and it has been like this for 6 years or a little more and actually got alot worse with their behavior and mindset towards him. How does a BF deal with this?
As BM condones 99% of ths behavior, for if they show any attention to BF she comes right out and tells them its betrayal, and they buy into EVERY word she says.
Its like its a little mafia or something, and their very violent and disrespectful not just with BF but with the law and authority. They were seen chassen down a car beating on some guys window telling him to get out they were gonna kinc his as*, BM has 3 older kids from a previous marriage and they are the ring leaders of BF kids and nothing but trouble, and hateful and they breed this crap into BF kids helping BM with the brain washing, and yet HER kids promote a realationship with THEIR BF..but enjoy ruining my BF kids realtionship with theirs cuz BM is a bitter Bi*tch. I actually HATE that whole clan....I really really do for EVERYTHING they stand for..because its all trash!
I hate to say it honey - but
I hate to say it honey - but "Welcome to the Club".
That's why we are all here, be have skids that are doing, saying and acting ways that are very disrespectful and self-centered.
It sounds like it is time for some seriour BOUDARIES and possibly DISENGAGING to begin with your BF and his kids.
I can understand that this upsets you, but the best advice I can suggest is that you try and help your BF see he would do well to heed the advice of others on these boards and begin to get some distance from his kids.
This will involve some "grieving" on your BF's part. Grieving the loss of the idea that his kids will treat him with respect just because he wants them to - and that is what kids are supposed to do to parents - right?
There's that saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Your BF's kids don't care, and don't respect him. That's just the plain truth of the matter. It doesn't mean your BF doesn't deserve respect or consideration, but these kids aren't going to give it to him - at least not in the near future.
Your BF needs to take the time to retreat, gather yourself, get stronger, and gain new tools and information on how to deal with these kids.
Just becuase it is the holidays, doesn't mean you can't do this NOW. Actually, the holidays would be the BEST time to begin. It would be a good time for a WAKE UP CALL to these kids. They need to SEE and EXPERIENCE the pain of not seeing their father, getting any money or presents from him, etc.... before they will see that he is serious about not being their emotional punching-bag any longer.
Yes, they WILL scream, have fits, call names, try to intimidate, but that doesn't mean your BF is in the wrong to begin setting some healthy boundaries NOW.
You will be amazed at how nice the holidays can be without the bratty kids giving you grief!
Instead of giving the kids money for Christmas, take it and go on a little trip over Christmas, just the two of you - if possible.
Go have fun despite the kids.
Has it always been this way
Has it always been this way between them, was he an active father
RE:Not-The-Mom Thank
RE:Not-The-Mom
Thank you...you gave the BEST advice and said ALL the right words, your awsume
I will show him what you wrote when he gets home tonight, sometimes other peoples perspective outside the boat who do not live with you give a un-bias opnion, Because like most we try to reason within ourselfes over this and say " Well, Maybe, or should I", Thank you :)~
RE: BIO Father, yes he has
RE: BIO Father,
yes he has tryed, and has faithfully paid his CP for 6 years and still is even paying on the one that is 18, he didnteven have that stoped, he is letting it run its course tl they stop it just to help BM.
He has invited the kids over and they blow him off, There were times the kids would come and stay but BM would get all jealous and mad if they had a good time.Her kids can love her and her only.
She does not promote a relationship with Bf because she is bitter and feels if the kids love their father and want to be here they have betrayed her.
There were times her other kids from her previous marriage would come over and tell us they cant let their mother know they are here or going out with us because it would piss her off. BK and BF SK have closed BF completely out.
He has made effort and attempt and effort and more attempt to just be hurt.
BF kids only live like 8 mins away, even when they see BF in public they act like they dont even know him, dont even aknowledge him, there was even a moment where BF son entered unto a elevator and didnt know BF was in it and when he seen him he turned the other way looking up at the ceiling..this is just so sad and terrible...what a heartbreaking mess for BF.
BM depends on her oldest kids from the other marriage and the kids that are working because if she dont have them she would be living on the street, she is not a worker..just a here and there and housekeeping.
If it wasn't for the kids supporting her and the CP she would be homeless, I THINK this WHY she is so against BF because if one should want to move on she loses income " I dont know", income in the way of CP and income in the way of the kids working their first real job which is help to her.
I know right...you would
I know right...you would think so! Her oldest daughter cant even keep a boyfriend long enough for a week because she is a control freak like her mother, I think her and her mother should be soul mates lol..really, they think the same way about people and life, and I just cant see ANY of them having a relationship with anyone because what person is gong to ther bust their as* so any of them can continue to support ther mother who is lazy? Thinks like David Kersh( you know...the weirdo guy that lived in Wacco), I mean its really a three ring circus, and the hate and bitterness that she had seeded in those kids is gwad awful, and her oldest three kids from her previous marriage help condone this crap to BF kids for BM feelings.
RE: Not-The-Mom My Bf read
RE: Not-The-Mom
My Bf read your post on lunch break, and said you are ABSOLUTELY right, that you made perfect sense!
Thank you, because I could not of said it any better then you. You helped him realize something he was confussed with and fighting with inside, he said you points are very valid
looks like BF will have exstra money in his pocket this month, because they will NOT realize as you said until he takes a stand.
Thank you ((huggs)).
RE: MUSTANG1 Wasn't always
RE: MUSTANG1
Wasn't always ths way, we use to fight and argue about it alot, finally I learned just to shut the heck up because he had to see it for himself.
Use to make me sooooo mad, and I was more hurt for him then mad.I can remember him breaking down and crying over his kids,and kept going back ALWAYS just to have his teeth knocked down his throat.
Now its been a little over 6 years...Now he see's it and he is excepting the hurt with it.
I guess he needed to try everything he could before turning his back.
All because the kids are mad that he disciplined them when each one and certain times wanted to live with BF, they hate him for it. They felt they should live how they want to cuz that is what BM allowed and STILL does, it was ok to get drunk and high and sleep with God and everybody and get in trouble with the law, not finish school, run around like heathens and stealing and beating up people " This is their life", this is BM raisen.
So when BF said no no no..you wont do this or that and they older boys bowed up to him like men BF had to put them down, SS18 stands there and tell BF " F*ck you" all cuz BF told SS18 not to disrespect the neighbor because he was running his mouth to a adult.
I mean..its endless, and BM breeds this " Your not a man crap" about BF and tells the kids that BF is a coward..I mean just demeans him totally to the point the BK dont respect him because of it.
her mission was to seperate these kids from BF,
Her mission has been " Successful"
His D told me she dont respect her father at all when she lived with us, told me the only reason she wanted to be here was because of me, but when BD bad mouthed her dad and ACTUALLY punched him in the face and BD took her down to the ground she moved out shortly after, they have NO respect for their father " Period".
and ALL of them have nothing intelligent to say other then to disrespect you or cuss you out.
YEP! The Behemoth (BM)
YEP! The Behemoth (BM) created huge loyalty conflicts from day one for over eight years now. Brainiac (SS15) and Venus De Milo (SD13) haven't been at my house for three years now as they've PASed out. A couple years ago they tried "just coming over to pick up gifts/money" GG (biodad I live with) finally saw a GLIMPSE of light and decided that relationships are a two way street.
The youngest, Prince Hygiene (SS stb9) PASed out over two years ago over a homecooked meal. Of course, the Behemoth made it so that GG has NO authority over his own children when under my roof and is not "allowed" by her to instruct or discipline his own children.
So do ya think I want them to come back under this set of criteria???!!
GG thinks that they will "come back when they get older." By the looks of things from FB they are sprinting towards being out of control teenagers and I predict VD will be preggers in the next three years.
RE: AUTEUR LMFAO, I LOVE your
RE: AUTEUR
LMFAO, I LOVE your quote you have..that is just to d*m funny, I laughed my butt off
Yeah, I dont want to put up with nasty behavior either or being used or hearing smart comments directed to BF, and they always put him down in front of him to make him feel insecure or something..and sometimes do it infront of other people, they are so jealous.
BF is a very good looking guy,and BM looks like 1,00000 miles of bad road, shes like 8 years older then him but looks older then that, and ANYTHING the kids could say to TRY and give a complexs they would say it, eventually I started commenting back about my BF with every positve for every negative they had, then they would say " Im only jokeing", truth is...cuts always have some kind of feeling behind them.
I can't take credit for the
I can't take credit for the tag line. Another poster on here wrote it in a blog while she was venting and I told her I just HAD to use it as my tagline!! She said "yes!"