My exH tells me often: Its difficult to keep all the women in my life happy, meaning his mom, SM, me and his wife. Hey, if he thinks it's important to keep ALL of us happy, that's on him. While we were married I had issues with his allegiance to his SM and mother. Now he puts me in the same boat and SM gets to deal with it.

Bahaahahahahah

that's mean, but it's the truth

My DH is the classic guilty dad. SD is more important I think. He would rather piss me off than her. That tells a lot. I am so sick of the games.

Me too. My solution is to accept I have lost unconditional respect for him, I am afraid. For economic reasons and because some years to come my life will just be so full of stress and activity through work, household development, kids etc, I just don't have the energy to make a crisis out of it and give him ultimatums. I just accept that he has very little insight and try to minimise the fallout for me and my bios. Luckily the unpleasant two of my skids are pretty neglectful of him so unless they have a specific demand, no approaches are really made so I rarely have to deal with this directly. And each time an approach is made, I get better and better at managing the fallout (mainly thanks to ST).

My DH did this during the first three years of our now 5 year relationship. Tried to "keep everyone happy" because he was "stuck in the middle". That's code for being too much of a pussy to stand up for your partner (the newcomer who has literally landed in a shitstorm) to BM, IL's, and skids.

Someone posted about losing unconditional respect for their DH. That's where I'm at, too. DH understands now that there are issues and people that just can't be "peacemaker" on. It doesn't work to chew out two parties when only one is clearly in the wrong. Because I lack maturity and the ability to forgive, this is hurting our relationship. I have little respect for my DH as a man due to this and a couple of other disappointing/hurtful circumstances we have experienced.

This type of behavior has served to hurt DH's relationship with me, his parents and his adult daughter (mini-wife who got put in her place and is going on 3 years no contact with him because of evil SM).

For years my bride would tolerate the toxic bullshit of the Sperm Clan. She had her reasons which were in no way cowardice or wanting to make them happy. She maintained that she wanted to keep the Sperm Clan drama to a minimum so that they would not take their frustrations and manipulations out on SS when he was in Sperm Land for visitation.

This used to drive me nuckin futz. Finally I was able to successfully point out to DW that they were taking their bullshit out on the Skid anyway and they would continue to do so until we made it too uncomfortable for them to even try anything.

That was when we finally got the Sperm Clan under control for the most part.

I believe my DF is a fence walker as well. I understand where he is coming from but I will never agree with it ~ I will always hold my children (4) accountable for their actions. He will hear me say that very statement to my children if not daily. I seriously doubt those words sink in when I say them.

I remember when I was talking to him when she was 14/15 he got upset with her cause she came home late ~ her resolution was to run away. He let her have it ~ the next day he gave her the proverbial silent treatment ~he was in the shower n she shoved a letter under the door that said I am sorry ~blah blah blah but I think you went over board on how you reacted. I tell you this situation has never sat well with me. ~ who's the parent here ???

I believe when he sees her I think he hands his heart over to her n she just loves the power he gives her n with me around that will never happen bc "we" are the adult parents.

My DH used to do this. I strongly suspect that at one time he gave SD the impression he was leaving me. But actions speak louder than words. For whatever reason DH decided to stay. DH then became non-existent to SD. Fence riders may straddle that fence for years but eventually they pay for their own stupidity. It would have been a lot easier to present a united example in the first place. SD might not have been too happy with it but at least we would have avoided a lot of misunderstanding. No pity for self-inflicted wounds.

Blecch!

The Fence Whisperers

When one partner or the other tries to keep everyone in the blended family equation happy then no one is happy and the marriage suffers. The Xs tend to take advantage of the lack of spine from the catering individual(s), the kids run amok and suffer from not having clearly defined and enforced rules from the spineless parent, and the new partner is left with the clear message that they are far from the priority for their own partner.

Rather than cater to everyone's happiness the spouses/SOs should clearly define what their collective expectations are, commit to those expectations as part of their commitment to each other and their marriage, and enforce their collective expectations as a team. Enforce them on the kids/skids, on the Xs, and on anyone else that requires collective enforcement regarding the rules.

Why are they guilty? My DH has been a wonderful caring parent and provider. Yet guilt appears to motivate his irrational behaviour with his daughter. I get it as I am divorced and have experienced all sorts of guilt and fears but I stop myself and focus on good

guilty parent fence sitters are just emotionally lazy in their need to be loved and liked.

Doesn't sound like it ever works out for them. We all prefer strong people with principles in the end. Wives go off men that do not tans strong as their partner. Not sexy.