DH ~ Help Needed to write a letter to his Brothers/SILs to BUTT OUT
DH's daughters have COMPLETELY disengaged from him (and me, YIPEE), mostly due to his Brothers/SIL's interference with his daughters by chumming up and doing the mob mentality/bashing against us.
DH has attempted to contact them (Bro's) to arrange a meeting of sorts to let them know how imperative it is for all of them (YES, the ADULTS) to stop DH/Wife bashing to his girls, and keep their comments to themselves.
This behavior, of course, has given the SD's the golden-ticket to *believe* their dad and his wife is completely wrong, and their self-entitled bratty behavior is correct, and acceptable.
So, since DH's brothers have not bothered to contact him to face the facts of their actions and swallow the bitter pill, and accept what they are doing is wrong, DH has decided he needs to send them each a letter.
I need help to form a letter to them (from DH), something short that explains how their actions are causing more damage with DH's daughters, and how it IS and WILL affect his attempts to eventually repair his relationship with his girls. And honestly, we could give a rats-ass if the Bro's/SIL's still want to act like juveniles and bad mouth us, just as long as they do it amongst themselves and not "pal" around with his girls about it.
(The SD's are basically throwing a temper-tantrum (disengagement to DH) because my DH finally put his foot down in the last year and refuses to let them control his life and wipe their feet on him like the door-mat he's been all his life. AND, he's finally gotten to a point of understanding (and clearly made a stand with his daughters) that I AM his wife, and I AM #1 priority/loyalty in his life. The SD's are not liking their *NEW DADDY* who finally found his family jewels, and isn't allowing them to use and abuse him anymore).
Any suggestions would be GREATLY APPRECIATED......
DH's mom is deceased. New
DH's mom is deceased. New revelation I found out last weekend, one of the SIL's, has actually been "chewed out" by DH's mom (when she was alive).....the HHMMMMMM factor light went on
YES, it does need to be short and sweet, and I appreciate the advice about not telling them what to do...there's NO WAY the PASing SIL that is leading the pack, will EVER take the advice to back off, cuase she believes the adult SD's are right and DH has no business putting me first.
DH's dad has also made attemts at telling the Bro's to stay out of our business......but of course, here we are today, and no meeting.
Dear Tom, Dick and Harry, It
Dear Tom, Dick and Harry,
It has come to my attention that you have been interferring with my family. I understand you have been bad-mouthing me to my daughters. I have no idea why you get some stupid pleasure of dividing my family. I am remarried and I love my wife. If you have a problem with it 'man up' and come and talk to me. But then 'manning up' would mean accepting my position which you and your wives appear to find impossible. But then finding my family so terrible makes it easier not to look at the problems in your own marriages.
If you have such interest in running my children's lives perhaps you would like to take over my child support as well.
I LOVE IT, course we couldn't
I LOVE IT, course we couldn't be vindictive like that, they'd just have more fuel to their fire that we are the a-holes and not them. IT IS CERTAINLY what we'd like to say, and ESPECIALLY EXACTLY HOW WE FEEL, but like I said, calling them on the carpet for their immature high-school behavior will only bring out the boxing gloves.
It's got to be civil and reasonable coming from DH ---- taking the high road approach.
OH YEA, exactly.....his
OH YEA, exactly.....his brothers would shit bricks if the tables were turned, and one of their children had a problem with them, and we were doing the *hate campaign* to them.
~~~~~~and, not to worry, they've alredy recruited their own under age children in the hate campaign against us...
Oh I can be MUCH more
Oh I can be MUCH more vindictive. Actually it needs to be written by a man because they write differently. You can't be nice to people like this. Telling them they are HURTING his family means nothing to them because they are right and have to be right and everyone else is below them because they are right... Appealing to their kinder side is not going to happen because they don't have one.
What consequence is DH
What consequence is DH stating to them? Is this a plea to stop? Are they aware they are damaging the relationships?
Yep, it will be a plea to
Yep, it will be a plea to stop/refrain from negative comments or negative campaigns that would include his adult biological daughters.....
and somehow write how it's affecting his ability to even have a relationship with them right now....and could do permanent damage forever....
......so, no they do not realize their enabling behavior to a couple of really IMMATURE adult girls, is only making them *stronger* to campaign against their dad and have nothing to do with him...cause, you know if Auntie and Uncle think we're a-holes, then, it must be!!
We are dealing with SELFISH/INSECURE adults....they are too busy feeding their own egos (especially the one SIL, who has no children of her own.....so you can guess the ego she needs to fill there......) to realize they are damaging DH's relationship w/ his girls......
SO, HERE'S WHAT I'VE COME UP
SO, HERE'S WHAT I'VE COME UP WITH........(thank you all for your input)....
Dear Bro;
I had hoped we would have had a chance to sit down and talk brother to brother.
******* and ******* are my biological adult daughters.
I don’t completely understand what is being said or done, or even the motives why, but I wanted you to know my wife and I are hurt and disappointed that my immediate family would join my girls in a hate campaign toward us. The mob-mentality being driven by my own family, is causing immeasurable damage between my relationship with my daughters.
I am happily remarried and I love my wife unconditionally. My duty as a husband is the loyalty I have with my wife. My biological daughters are also my priority. My new life and marriage has been realistically an adjustment for me, *wife*, *daughter1*, and *daughter2*. There has been, and will be bumps in the road as it will take years for all of us to become comfortable with one another.
I am asking for you and your wife's support to resist and refrain from negative comments or negative campaigns that continue to include my daughters. My wife and I would also appreciate it, if you have a problem with us, to come and talk to me about it.
We’re all family (including *wife*) and we’re all adults, and our goal (as I hope it is yours too) is for everyone to ease into the adjustment of my new marriage and life by being positive and nice to one another. Setting an example for my daughters is one of the most positive ways I can teach them how to become mature adults and prepare them for the responsibilties in life, especially how to treat others.
I expect, should the roles be reversed, you would agree and want the same respect as a father to your own children.
DH