dh does not have a clue
i already told you all how dh told me anniversary gifts would have to be frugal due to supporting his parents through a financial crisis.
then he went and spent almost 500 dollars for sporting equipment for adult sd. i thought, ok, we can spend well so i bought him a very nice leather briefcase for about the same price. i gave it to him early as a surprise when it came in the mail. even then he still spent about 100 dollars in trinkets for me.
he then asks sd to go for a day ride in his sports car and sd turns him down to be with friends. then when he was on call to help her paint her apartment (move heavy furniture and paint, applying tape) she tells him the morning of the date that his help will not be needed. your should have seen the look on his face, like a jilted lover! all the day before he was happy in anticipation of this day.
she also did not mail him a birthday card. this does not take any effort. you can bujy a card and a stamp at a grocery store. dh rationalised by saying "oh she is busy with work." she only works a 40 hour week like the rest of us. she is not a medical student.
and dh looks like the jilted lover. hello?
I would take 400 and spend a
I would take 400 and spend a day with my family. Actually it should be 900 (500 from SD sport gear + 400 from the cheap present) }:) And leave DH enjoys his delusional world about his daughter himself.
A.
I have the same almost SS and
I have the same almost SS and sd always either want money, need him to buy something or take them to eat at a not so cheap place.
He's been doing way too much. Been a. Doormat way too much... When he wants to just talk he has to call. They won't come over.
Now he's changed a lot and finally got sick of being a door mat. Now, he's pegged by them and BM as the shit hole. And now, he's getting it finally.
Seems like men want and need to do things for other people. They like taking care of people. He does also pay all his dad's bills. In fact, his other two brothers refuse to help dad with anything. It's sickening . He stands by his dad when all other choke.
Also, he does act like that sometimes with his BC. It's weird, but your DH and mine are alike. I was told by a guy also that it's instilled into a man to want to care of others. I haven't totally understood some of it. I guess they're geared that way to feel financially responsible for a lot.
Like I said I don't get it fully.
I guess bc I feel there's tools out there to get help if we are sick or need special resources. Or that children need to be responsible and get a job. For DH and BM they've been doing too much spoiling and buying expensive toys then teaching, monitoring and mentoring . My DH bought His son a 6,000.00 yes not hundred, guitar for graduation. Like its sitting in a closet in our house.
He won't take it yo BM house. Who needs a freaking $6,000.00 guitar??? Maybe Jon Bon jovi or ZZ Top !!!! Now, he needs a car so who does he call ?! Makes me so mad. So, I tell DH tell him to sell guitar and stop asking for stuff again !!!
My mom did that to my brother and my dad gave him money and cars. He also manipulated my dad, coned him, and threatened him. He used my parents. And he turned out to be as of this day an evil 50 yr old man who is always thinking how he can do in his family.
I tried to not do what my parents did. Spoiling is not good , it has no good results.... Unless it's grand kids then lots of ice cream !
a 6,000 guitar?! its the
a 6,000 guitar?!
its the guilty dad syndrome for sure. its clear for me that "taking care of others" does not include a wife.
the dh in question got kicked out of the military, possibly for drugs. we will never know.
"Seems like men want and need
"Seems like men want and need to do things for other people. They like taking care of people." Please send him my way. Haven't seen that in my DH. I once had to drive myself to the doctor after asking DH for a week and 1/2 to take me. Found out I had a broken leg. It was hell trying to get home with a bulky leg brace and crutches. LOL Every once in a while I still have to remind him what goes around, comes around. He's getting a lot better though. But I know if SD had asked him to jump he would have asked, "How high?"
dh said he wanted to save
dh said he wanted to save money on gifts but he gave $500 to sd for sports gear. he spent one hundred on me for anniversary gift.
It really makes you wonder
It really makes you wonder where DH's priorities are, doesn't it? I've been through similar stuff with my DH. He doesn't have a lot of money but wouldn't even think before he spent on SD but would get real cheap with me. He did that last Christmas. It is both maddening and deflating. Coal for him next Christmas! LOL
^^you said it right. thank
^^you said it right. thank you for the support.
i have too much going on for a divorce right now, but i think the look on his face of the broken hearted lover was enough for me for now.
All DHs when they say "we are
All DHs when they say "we are on a budget because of ..." means you are on a budget but they will still spent how they want. I guess you DH wanted to spend $500 on SD because he has guilt issues, needs to be the hero or whatever the real reason. I really don't think it is right when you are put on the same "budget" to help HIS parents and he cannot stick to it whatever the reason is and then decides to stick to it when it comes to his wife, the woman who puts up with him day to day, makes him dinner and/or lunches (assuming), takes care of him and in ways no one else does and that is what you get? I would be super pissed at the situation. However if he said to SD "sorry can't help you with that it is not in our budget" and then spent $100.00 on a gift for you that would be great, but not how he handled it.
I would say something to him, not about the gift comparison (not this time at least), but about him breaking not adhering to the budget when you are willing to still with it for the good of HIS parents. If you have to add some spending cash in the budget for each of you and if he chooses to spend it on his kids instead of wants for himself so be it and you can choose what to do with your spending cash.
this happened for the
this happened for the birthday of dh. adult sd "forgot" to send a card and she did not care to buy and send one. period. dh does not have a clue.
when she came for a dinner at the house he paid for, she showed up with a bunch of hastily made cupcakes that would only pass muster in someone's home. she ate and hastily left with dh looking like a jilted lover. in fact he asked "you have to leave now?" what a sap.
threestrikes, you feel my
threestrikes, you feel my pain. dh is always going on an on about how his daughters are so smart, so pretty,to the point of nausea. one daughter got kicked out of the military and dropped out of college. she lived with a man for almost two years before he kicked her out. she has not had a long term boyfriend since even though she has thrown herself at several men. she was rather promiscuous with a social group of men (sports group at a gym) and i am sure word got out that she was cheap but not girlfriend or wife material. a date or two and then no more contact.
the worst part of it was when she was eating a dish of chocolate pudding and then spooned some into her fathers mouth like they were lovers. turned my stomach.
yes time to disengage.
dh has another chance to help
dh has another chance to help sd paint her house and he is eager and looking forward to it like a date with a lover. in the meantime he is snarky with me. as some of you know I had surgery and am still not feeling up to doing what I used to do. dh is getting snarky about that too. he is insinuating that its all in my head. to told him to spend the night at his daughters house.