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desperate for advice

millieau's picture

Submitted by millieau on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 4:56am

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Adult Stepchildren

Hi All

My husband and I are just about to move to a new area so my 20yr old stepson can live with us. We have been talking about this for 12 months. He agreed to pay $100 per week as we are moving to a high rent area for him. I changed my job to accommodate this move.

Once we found a place to live the ex wife now wants him to stay with her 2 days a week and to pay her $100 per week. This has put a lot of stress on all of us as now he no longer wants to pay us this much as it will only leave him $300 a week to live on.

How do we deal with this? We suggested maybe not moving and would stay where we are but have now been accused of trying to guilt him into paying us the $100 and that is not fair to put him in this situation.

The ex wife goes around telling who she can how horrible we are and it has taken the excitment out of moving with him.

any suggestions on how best to handle this would be greatly appreciated.

thanks

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:03am

I would suggest the following approach. As your SS can afford to contribute $100 to whoever for his keep, if he is going to spend 2 days out of 7 with his mother, then let him pay two sevenths of the $100 - roughly $28 to her as a contribution for the 2 days he spends with her.

I personally think it was a bit of an overly generous thing to do in the first place - to agree to move and change your job for a 20 year old - but it sounds as though you are a bit too far down the line now. If he doesn't agree then I think, cancel the whole arrangement. He should pay you the lion's share of his upkeep as he will be with you most of the time.

millieau's picture

Submitted by millieau on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 5:11am

He tried to negotiate with her about how much he pays her but she says she needs the money more than we do so we should reduce the amount he pays us.

I feel sorry for him he is trying to keep his mum happy and us. We did suggest cancelling the whole thing but was accused of trying to guilt him into his decision so it is a no win on that suggestion.

Its the ex wife who is the main problem. She is fairly irrational most times it comes to go up against her and unfortunately we will live near her

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Mon, 10/10/2011 - 6:15am

You will be reducing the amount he pays you - by $28 which will be payed to her! And you will get the remaining £72. I don't see how she can say this isn't fair. If this is going to go on and on and you are going to get into the most awful embroiled situation with this woman I would definitly scrap the whole plan and have no more communication with her.