Christmas Scrooge
I am insulted. Not like I expected much from my 19 year skid but I did expect a little more. My fiancé's 19 year old son leaves with us, I cook all the meals, I clean up after him all the time, even clean his bathroom and he is a total pig, I take him out to dinner, do favours for him, etc.. He has always had a sense of entitlement and lately he has really pushed the boundries, he has swearing tantrums and the one morning he f-bombed me for walking too loud which I spoke to him later saying that is unacceptable and I won't tolerate it and that I would never speak to him that way and I told him that. My conversation correcting him was less then 2 minutes and I was respectful to the point and moved on without a grudge.
This evening we opened gifts, I spent about $200 on him, making sure to get him some decent presents. I don't expect much from him, however he lives here rent free, makes almost $30,000.00 a year and I take care of him. So this year he gave me a $10 McDonald gift card inside a card he took from the box of cards in my office.
I'm hurt, not like I needed something fancy or expensive but more though and effort (maybe even more money).
I saw my fiancé look over at the card and gift card, but he hasn't said anything to me and not to his son to my knowledge but I could tell he wasn't impressed.
I feel like he doesn't treat me like family, or as well as one if his friends why should I go out of my way? I no longer cook, clean or do anything for the ungrateful skid anymore.
Am I being too harsh ? What would you do?
Call his bluff! Calmly and
Call his bluff! Calmly and confidently tell both the skid and the dad who does not see this as a problem,
"I cannot accept this gift. It shows no effort, no attempt to make my holiday special."
Then hand it back or throw it into trash. Say nicely, "I already have everything, i won't be needing a Mickie D gift card."
He is 19 and making 30K a year? A 10-dollar card would be a good gift from a 10 year old with no money of his own. By rejecting it you will be teaching him a valuable lesson: it is time to grow up! And take responsibility.
For inspiration, read Amy Chua's The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. That woman is my hero. Enough molly-coddling the kids! It is GOOD for them to learn to give back. We as a society need that. You are not unreasonable. You are not demanding a myriad of gift worth thousands of dollars. You are drawing the line. If you accept this BS gift thisyear, guess what you will be teaching him to give you next year?
And if the skid cannot figure out that he needs to step up his game, daddy should be helping him out. This is not about whether he loves you or thinks of you as family. This is about showing respect. Fake it till you make it. Take care of behaviors and do not worry so much about the feelings.
I'm sorry for you. However,
I'm sorry for you. However, you've allowed him to treat you like a doormat, so you can't be too surprised that he would treat you like one on Christmas too.
Do absolutely nothing for or
Do absolutely nothing for or against him and for God's sake stay out of his bathroom.
This is typical teenage behavior so don't "punish" him by retaliation but simply downgrade your gifts to him in the future to the same level. In fact I would give him his card back to him in the form of his 20th birthday present. I'm assuming its generic looking and could be a new purchase for all he knows. You'll probably find that the next time you expect a gift from him it won't materialize and that's exactly the time you stop giving to him also. Expect no gifts and give none.
Your next move it to educate his father that the lad needs to be out and on his own. He's earning a good income, at the average for a family in the US, and there is no reason he has to live with you guys. In fact its detrimental to his mental health and development. Get on Amazon.com and find a book on how to push children out of the nest and why its a good idea and buy it for Daddy.
Well I am glad to see that
Well I am glad to see that other agree with me and I will not be doing anything for him, the only reason I would before because I didn't want to treat different than my own son. I do love the idea of giving the same gift card to him as a present for his birthday. The skid has swearing tantrums, and the swearing has never been directed at me until a week before Christmas and I called him on it right away, and he seemed mad for 2 days later that he was given a talking to (but I don't care if he was mad). Found out my fiancé after my talk with skid said that anymore behaviour like that and he can move out. But the skid did behave poorly again and he is still here. My fiancé should stand up for me and hand his child his ass for treating me that way, I would never allow my kid to treat him that way nor would my kid treat ANYONE that way.
Give him an eviction notice
Give him an eviction notice for Christmas.
Good idea
Good idea
Is SS living in YOUR house
Is SS living in YOUR house rent free? If so, tell him to leave. And please do not marry his father until he completely convinces you he will ensure his son respects you and that there will be hell to pay if he doesn't. Your BF made the threat that his son would leave, then didn't follow through. This is definitely a red flag. If you marry this man, you will lose all respect for him. Then you will be stuck in a marriage that you want to end but there will be financial ramifications if you do. Stuck! It's a lot easier to set up boundaries now with both SS and fiance. If your fiance doesn't like it, he isn't worth keeping.
SS19 is living in our house
SS19 is living in our house that me and his Dad bought last year, so it's pretty hard for me to have the finally decision on him leaving. Maybe if I stop making it so nice and comfortable for him to stay maybe he will decide he doesn't want to live here. He is just entitled brat. Even today he texted his Dad to thank him for the tank of gas, however the $50 gas gift card was one of the presents I gave him.
New Years resolution is to set limits and boundaries with everyone.