Can you relate to this?
I married my DH 4 years ago, he has a D that was 21
at the time and for the first two years she made our lives a living hell- in a recap nutshell she would end up in the ER for various things, 4 breakups and carousing all hours of the night. She would cuss at her Dad and just be awful. She eventually moved out, but it really did a number on me. She got a really good job and moved in with her boyfriend but she would do trashy things I couldn't relate to like tattooing Trump20/20 on her *ss! In the last month we moved 56 miles away to a newly built house. She apologized for being so awful to me and wanted to start fresh, so I was thinking maybe she wanted to try to heal the damage. This past weekend she and the boyfriend came and stayed for three nights, bringing their two dogs. Their good dogs but I didn't feel like a had a say. So the dogs were tearing around getting dirt and dog hair everywhere. Then I overheard her say the one dog was vomiting in the night. She also sat there and basically ignored everyone by watching shows on her laptop. I told my H that the dogs couldn't come anymore and he agreed. It's such an imposition and they're not my responsibility. She's so inconsiderate of my new house! Every time my husband calls her she's at the bar drinking and she gets into these verbal altercations with people. I told my husband I didn't think it was ever going to work between us and they were welcome to come stay with us but her behavior is so opposite my lifestyle I just can fake it anymore. I'm relieved my husband agreed no more dogs but I just know she's gonna blame me. I'm getting to the point where I just don't give a rip about appeasing her to make things close. She's 25 and wants a baby, but her bf hasn't made any commitment.(can you blame him?) she also doesn't have any r with her BM, who lives out of state. I feel pity for her but she created the mess! Did I do the right thing by stopping dog situation and not continuing to try to be a friend or support to her? Just going to be civil and distant from her.
I realize it's her choice to
I realize it's her choice to put whatever she wants on her body, I'm just saying I can't relate to her when she does that. My husband calls her to check in, and she is always in the bars.
Why welcome them?
There are lots of SMs in this forum who ask their DH to meet with the stepchildren outside the marital home. I think that's fair and reasonable given the history here. He can visit them elsewhere.
Yes, you did the right thing.
Yes, you did the right thing. Bringing dogs to someone elses house, especially for days, is just plain rude, but she sounds like a rude person, so....
I wouldn't even want her in my home.
Fifty-six miles is really not that big of a deal. No need for her to visit for days.
Yeah, that's a 1-2 hour drive
Yeah, that's a 1-2 hour drive. Makes for a good day trip, or maybe an overnight for a dinner, but definitely not a full weekend.
BM did not create the mess.
BM did not create the mess. BM and your DH created the mess.
I should have clarified, I
I should have clarified, I meant the SD created the mess, along with my DH, and her BM who abandoned her.
I can completely relate. OSD
I can completely relate. OSD is only 15 and being brutality honest. I would be embarrassed to be seen with her in public. She lacks any morals or values and I find the way she dresses and behaves completely outrageous.
When a counselor with 40 years of experience working with kids says SDs behavior goes above and beyond that of most children her age that is saying a lot.
I remember one time SO brought her to an event I was at with DS and YSD. She was dressed so inappropriately and behaving like a fool for attention. Everyone was staring at her rolling their eyes. Whenever she came near me I would move right away from her I didn't want to be associated with her.
Not that I usually care what other people think. But I didn't want them judging my parenting based on her behavior. I pride myself on certain things. One if them is trying to be a good parent. I had nothing to do with that hot mess of a child.
Yes, I try to put on a brave
Yes, I try to put on a brave face, but SD always make me cringe. Eventually you realize trying to maintain composure just isn't sustainable to even be around them.
it's great that you tried
and allowed this visit. But since you didn't enjoy the visit AND you no longer want the dogs in your new home AND SD is only about an hour away, overnight visits don't need to happen at all. And if the dogs are at their home, even a day visit can't go too long. Hope your DH agrees that there will be no more visits like this. He can always drive the 56 miles to go see them at their place. (Although if she gets pregnant, who knows what DH will want. Keep that in mind!! And if she gets pregnant and boyfriend doesn't stick around, you don't want to get stuck babysitting/dogistting). You built a new home, congratulations, and enjoy it!! Don't need to feel guilty about visitors you do not enjoy and don't want back, no matter who they are. You've earned your peace and quiet!