and we're still getting BUY ME A CAR!!!
So, I posted last month where we got a text from YSD asking for a car. Husband said no. So then they (BM and YSD) hit up my in-laws for "college" money. They said no. Then, we got hit up for "dorm fees" (which we called about and there was a hundred buck "fudge" in the amount requested. In their favor. of course. And, as predicted, she isn't even going to that school now anyway. Surprise, surprise. So, anywho. We get this email two days ago. From BM. Who up until child support not being court ordered, hated our guts.
Hi everyone:
I am writing to let you know that YSD has finally decided on ___ University(her original pick) with the hopes of attending ___ next year. She will be moving into her dorm on the _ __August, taking 16 hours of classes and working in the Library on campus. Thankfully, she received academic awards to cover a large percentage of her tuition but since nothing covered room/board, my family is working on getting the remainder covered; however, we recently had to sell our car and the truck my dad gave me has some serious engine trouble, so YSD is left without a vehicle. I am writing with the hope that her dad and his family might be able to figure out something to help her get a car. (nothing fancy- just so she has something while she attends college.) I will get her address to everyone as soon as we have it.
I hope all is well with your families:)
God Bless,
The Devil Incarnate
Of course she sent this to my elderly inlaws, and my husband. I was left off the distro list, which is fine, but the woman doesn't get that husband ain't spending no money without checking with his wife first. So really, if she wants to kiss anyone's ass, it really should be mine. But I digress.
My thoughts: 1. living on campus, working on campus, and 15 minutes from home, tops? Um, maybe we should chip in for a bus pass. You don't need a car, darlin'. 2. Made the collosal huge mistake of buying OSD a car. And it was nothing but heartache and phone calls about what a piece of shit it was. Refusing to pay insurance, etc etc etc until we finally just called it a loss and got ourselves off title and registration so if he wrecked it or killed someone we wouldn't be liable for an uninsured car. We sure as heck aren't signing up for that again! 3. We bought one car, The Devil Incarnate can buy one car. Seems fair to me? Or...just a thought, the kid can buy herself a car. Hmmm...
Husband chose to just ignore the whole thing. He's a good guy, but very non confrontational. He said he told her no once, we ain't gotta reiterate more than once when BM is a learned woman, just earning her masters degree on the state's dime.
In-laws sent this:
Hi All,
I received Devil Incarnate's email announcing YSD's college plans to attend _____. This sounds like the right choice to me. By going to MNU now she can keep up her study skills, and will be right in hometown close to most of her family.
As far as getting her a car I have some major concerns about how she would cover the cost of owning along with maintenance of a car. With the price of gas at $3.00 plus per gallon, and general maintenance, (oil change, misc. repair that older vehicle need,) also even if she would just have liability insurance I’m concerned that these extra cost would take monies away from her main objective which is getting a college education, and a good job to prepare her for the remainder of her life.
Having said that, I believe that I would be doing YSD a great disservice by not allowing her to experience what life is all about by making her own choices, and figuring out how to accomplish her goals in life herself. I’m a firm believer that good things come to good people, and I believe YSD is a good person. Good people learn by doing for themselves, not by having other people doing things for them that they should be doing on their own.
We wish the best for YSD and hope that she will accomplish her goals in life. By doing these things herself she can feel proud of herself for her accomplishments, and know that whatever challenges confront her in life she will be able to make the most of them.
Best wishes,
Gramps and Granny
cc: YSD
so, I'm rather curious as to how this is being spun. Actually, I'm trying not to be because I'm disengaged, but still, part of me is downright giddy that shit isn't going down BM's way. The same BM who has said the nastiest things about Dad, about the inlaws, and alienated her kids against us. I wonder if the woman has a moment of regret...because seriously, had she raised the kids to love and appreciate us, things may have turned out a little better for her. Just sayin'! 
The main reason he doesn't
The main reason he doesn't want to help is this. When OSD was off to college, she went to a community college close to her aunt and uncle (bm's brother) and lived in their little guest house out back. Bm has been on welfare for years. Section 8 housing, food stamps, the whole nine. She pleaded poverty so we ponied up for books, plus we gave her money every month. At that time we weren't friends with aunt and uncle. She also got aunt and uncle to pay FOR TUITION. As in all of it!!! So when aunt went to financial aid office later,she got to talking to clerk, who told her that OSD had a really large grant payout, how great it was, etc. probably wasn't supposed to reveal that, but small town, everybody knows everybody, etc. anyway, OSD had the check mailed to bm!!!! And OSD never saw any of that money!!! Her whole semester was paid for by grants! AND she turned down down a full ride choir scholarship because bm didn't think OSD would have time.
We had asked numerous times throughout the process if OSD qualified for grants/loans, and we were lied to. And bm pocketed all the proceeds, and got in a huge fight with OSD and didn't speak to her from September-December of that semester. There is zero transparency as far as finances go for college, and both daughters hand money over to bm. That is the main reason we aren't helping. We are now very close friends with that aunt and uncle. They refuse to have a relationship with bm.
Another reason is this. I am still paying off my student loans. I got no help with college. My dad *could* have helped. He choose not to. His money, his prerogative. Was I pissed off at the time? Yeah. I was. i got over it, though. i was a brat at 18, wanted tO party, and it would have been a bad investment of his money. i choose to join the army. I got gi bill. I also was a dummy and took out way to much in student loans and I'm paying for it now. Every month!!! I am not going to go into further debt to help pay for a child who has treated us badly (mostly not acknowledging and ignoring, mom encouraged that) to go to a private university when she could go to a community college for a fraction of the cost. And she got good grades, I know she earned a full ride to where she is going, because we got the email from bm bragging about that, but again, zero transparency, just a hand out for us to give more. We aren't allowed to ask questions. It's none of our business. And honestly, the $100 "fudge" for dorm fees was telling. Yeah, it's only a hundred bucks. But that's quite a round up in your favor. Left a bad taste that really, nothing has changed with them.
BM is broke, mostly because she doesn't want to work. Her rent, utilities, groceries, and car are paid for by you and me (car paid for by her father) in the form of welfare. She works that system too, babysitting under the table. makes pretty good money doing it too! YSD qualifies for every need based grant in the book. And, she can take out loans if she wants to to cover the rest. She has a lifetime to pay it off, where me and my husband have a limited time to start on retirement. We are seriously lacking in that department. If we pay for college, or even help out with books, will this girl ever help out and contribute when it's time to put us in a home and we have no retirement? Uhhhh, no. Isn't gonna happen.
Loved the Inlaws response.
Loved the Inlaws response. It validates the point - when you burn certain bridges, you do not attempt to cross the bridge again or you have to work to create another bridge and don't employ the people you fired to build the first bridge. No pity for self-inflicted wounds. She and BM bombed on their own.
Tell SD how lucky she is that
Tell SD how lucky she is that she will be walking everywhere because maybe she can avoid the "freshman fifteen".
Or get a really ratty old used bike and tell her how happy you are to help her with her transportation issues. I am near a very, very expensive college - the students all ride ratty old bikes. most don't have cars.
Love the grandparents!
The BM in our situation (who is the master of PAS) has parents who have sent my DH two emails : One with the subject line "you cheap-a$$" because he isn't paying $ 75K for a private college tuition for SD and the other was "you are a c$$$ s******" becuase he grounded SD once. Nevermind we pay for everything for a third car we have so she can drive everywhere. There is no reason a child who has a mom who is working the system, going to a local college and liekly receiving grants can't get her own car.
Umm since when we’re extended inlaws responsible for her upkeep?
And an adult too?
since when did bio mums start sending emails or group messages to the ex parent in laws basically saying they should contribute. Where i’m from, people even from rich families catch public transport for almost 2 hours to go from home to uni, and these are ones who could be living in almost 1 million dollar homes and buy a car from working throughout highschool as a delivery driver or checkout person at supermarket. No family member buys them a car even a crappy old one!!
the nerve of some people!!
Response 10/10
I absolutely ADORE the grandparents response.
An absolute cracker! A cut out and keep!
I’d be ‘giddy’ too if I were you, especially as you can sit back and watch the cards fall without saying a word or lifting a finger. BM and her begging bowl hasn’t gone quite to plan for her has it?!