This is the affect of years of my stepmum telling I should not ask my father for this and that
Hi all,
I've basically known my SM all my life as my dad left my mother when I was 2. She has a son from previous relationship and now they got two boys together which to me are my brothers.
I'm not going to say I was an angel I am a daddy's girl etc. She was horrible to me years ago which I have put behine. I believe now she has changed a lot.
Although certain things she use to say has stuck in my head and is taking affect now.
Like I use follow my dad about wanting to go anywhere he went. I suppose didn't want to be left with my SM as she use to question me on everything. So she use to say stuff like when u get older u won't want to be around your dad all the time. Saying its not fair my dad gives me money money than my SB.
She just made in difficult for my dad to spend time with me on my own we always use to go out as family.
Now rolling on I am 27 and the affect she has had is that I don't ask my dad for s**t and don't think he likes it. He says to me why don't u ask me to take u shopping etc. As my partner don't drive or do I. If he offers then I go but never ask him for anything feel like shouldn't because of her.
Saturday my dad calls me up saying he is going shopping do I want to come so I went it was just me and him. It was great but could see he missed spending time with me.
I feel like turning around and saying how I feel.
My stepmum and I get on alright even feel like we getting closer a bit but sometimes I see the green eyes monster.
Just really not sure I should be letting my dad feel like that I am distanting myself because of her sometimes showing signs she don't want me around.
My dad invites us over a lot but sometimes u can tell she don't want u there. My partner says to me that we should not go that much. We don't normally it was just this weekend.
We live next door to them.
She does sometimes make me feel on edge all the time. She is very nosey aswell at time. If I am pushing washing out which for never ends she has to question it. She can be negative all the time aswell thats when I know she is jealous again.
As she don't see her son and grandson a lot.
I just wanted to say that if u constantly go on about your Adult stepkids being around and they suddently don't want to be near there father this is the affect. Some Adult Stepkids can take the P**s I know about money. My dad gave me money all the time and he stopped as I with a wonderful guy now. He use to hide if from SM.
I just don't want to rock the boat as I do get a long with her just don't want to have to say something to her or him as feel a lot able to say how I feel.
What I am saying is I should
What I am saying is I should not feel I can't ask my father for anything. I don't mean money as I never ask for that my partner supports me just fine.
My partner is doing driving lessons and I am plan to aswell. My Dad actually teaches him and plan to ask him myself when I get my provisional licence.
This is me now on how I feel I can get about on the bus to go shopping and I do not ask him all the time he offers. I'm not like her that need to rely on my father all the time to drop her down the school and picked up. He goes shopping more than she never hardly goes out anywhere.
If she sees me coming back from shopping she will ask "Why didn't you ask your dad"? She will say if I do ask why did u not ask earlier etc. When I ask him is not her business.
My dad couldn't care a less anyway and he does take me shopping if I ask or he offered.
There are so many things that she will have to be negative about aswell which I don't like.
Well I lived with them for 4 years and I was made to work which I did. Then I did pay my way. I left when I was 22 to go back to live with mum. He probably need give me money from time to time just helping me out etc. Don't really want to go into the situation. Then met my partner and he stopped and to be honest I am glad.
I am just saying if your OH does not give their Adult kids money or help as u do get older aswell and don't rely on them. Does it make them feel they are not needed. I just feel she has contributed to me feeling this way as it was drummed into me from a child not to ask him for nothing.
At the end of the day he is my dad whether I 17 or 27 I am probably always going to need his support in one way or another . Again not money but feel her jealous ways with come out and he won't feel able too.
Ha ha ha u are so funny The
You do not know me to say that I expect my father to still provide for me. Lol u are so wrong on that I DON'T.
I can perfectly provide for myself without my dad giving me money. I don't however expect my father to take me shopping either another thing I have said over and over again like a broken record.
I never inter on what my sm or dad spend money couldn't care a less they are happy and I happy they are happy.
I have not found this site because I am jealous of my sm u are so wrong on that.
I've been over it a long time ago if u only knew what I went through then u would understand but not about to like go in detail to people who don't have a clue on my situation.
As I said like it's ASKING MY FATHER FOR ANYTHING (not money). Anyway u lot would not understand.
I forgot do not ever say my parent never brought me up to be independent u have not f**king idea. U sure the hell don't.
I do not need counselling at all been there done that spoke to lots of people on sites like that which has helped me through and grown up a lot in the last 5 years.
I have put myself in my sm shoes so many times wondering how I would if my partner had a dd and I would feel.That why I didn't think my father was right giving me money behind her back. I use said not its ok but he would get annoyed and say take it. I am not a selfish person and my father know me aswell I could have nothing not a penny and would not ask him unless I really had too.
I'm just saying that he going to wonder why I don't ask for things and sometimes I think it's because of what my sm use to say or maybe it's not.She use to say "why u asking him for this and that".
Also the reason why I came on here is because lately I have felt my sm getting a bit funny with me again. Which is a shame as we been getting on great.
Only today she asked why we would not let her take my son to the seaside and we both said we don't even let our own mothers take him.
Seriously I have moved on and I am very very happy.
I come here to ask SM opinions
Mystery, This is a website
Mystery,
This is a website for stepparents to vent - not step kids. Although it can be good for us steps to hear the other side your blog is hard to read and comprehend. I am sure there are sites for stepkids and I strongly suggest that you go there for your venting.
Oh and I don't need to feel
Oh and I don't need to feel more important that her she is is wife wouldn't expect that.
I do not understand where u Stepmums get your ideas from. If u actually know me u would not I would be the best SD u could ever have.
So, the point of your post is
So, the point of your post is to say that you think your dad doesn't like that you don't ask him for things?
The OP is bait?
The OP is bait?
oh great...here we go again..
oh great...here we go again..
totally......... i can't even
totally......... i can't even understand what kind of point this lunatic is trying to prove...
so far, she needs money from someone - dad or so and has a weird need to go to the store all the time.... and lives next door (probably provided by dad)..
and it's all her sms fault...
LMAO! I thought she was
LMAO! I thought she was saying that she didn't need her dad's money but her dad was upset because she wasn't asking him for it.
I did catch the multiple mentions of going to the store & was trying to figure out...why all the trips to the store??? How many people need to go???
I can see where it would definitely be the SM's fault that at 27 she DOESN't have to ask her dad for money.
Way to go SM!!! If only we could all get our skids to that point.
I'm still stuck on the store though.
yeah, the store thing has
yeah, the store thing has given me a case of the giggles...
...and to think I spend my
...and to think I spend my days wishing I didn't have to go to the store. Oh, the things I take for granted. Heehee!
AND all of sms out here
AND all of sms out here should be ashamed..
Still all of u are clueless
I will put in word u might understand FFS.
I think my father wonders why I have taken a step back from not asking him for money or anything. We do now and again go shopping together which is fine.
We are still close at times.
I just mentioned that I was thinking the reason why I didn't ask was because my sm drummed it into me that I should not rely on my father all the time. In fact u know what ladies I take a different angle on the and thank her for being that way towards me she made me want to do things for myself and not rely on anyone. Although I might be relying on my partner which I don't like but will be earing my own money I assure.
Want to apologise I am back to being normal again lol. As I said I am a bigger and better person and as u all have said I'M 27. It not just me who realises this lol think sometimes my dad think I am still a baby lol.
I'm fine now I don't need counselling them days are over I was a young teenage girl struggling with hormones. All grown up blessed with a beautiful son and partner.
Wishing u all the best for the future
How in the world did you go
How in the world did you go from the complete disaster of broken English in your OP to such a plain straight forward message?
I think I understand what you
I think I understand what you are trying to say, Mystery23, but it's not coming across well.
You are saying that because of your stepmom you are afraid to even ask your dad for help.
However, I look at it from a different angle. Perhaps your stepmother was just trying to prepare you for the real world? And maybe as a kid, your dad was guilty of disneyland parenting, aka buying your love? I don't know, I am just saying.
Whatever the case, at 27 years old, you should be moved on from that now. In essence, what your stepmom did was create a responsible, self supporting adult. Well, kinda, because now you depend on your partner.
And why can't you drive?
The wife I was about to say
The wife I was about to say the same thing. LOL From the info we have to go it does sound like her sm was just trying to prepare you to be an independent adult. Which IS what a parent is SUPPOSED to do. If this is correct you owe her a great big thank you! However IF you are depending on your SO that is your choice a lot of people do it that way, just not what I prefer for my self though. Good luck
I don't really want to get
I don't really want to get into it but my sm on one hand may say don't ask your father u grown and u don't need him. Which personally I don't.
Then if I see her and say I been out food shopping I get why didn't u ask your father. So I do get confused.
Thanks for all your advice
I do not word things great and probably could of explained better. I apologised for confusing u all but I have moved on and will get on with my life with my dp and child.
Listen Fabumom I have got
Listen Fabumom
I have got over it to be honest and I do thank my sm for a lot of the things she has taught me.
I was worse when I was 21 and I do have other threads I wrote on here about.
The other day my dad and sm asked if they could take our son to the seaside for the day we both said no. We both over protective with him but it's far away. It's nothing to do with my sm, dad.
This is how we are.
I don't think she like this but if we both like this with our mums then we certainly not going to be any different with them.
Thankyou all for you input good or bad lol. I can laugh at myself as my father use to say I take too much to heart. Now I got my wonderful bf that I can let steam off to without feeling like I am going crazy as I am not. He sees what she is like aswell but he knows how to handle her better. As I said before we do get on fine I even went town with her last week.
All of u who come here trying to think u know by replying she sounds like that and that have not clue.
All your sd will grow out of it. I suppose when u a child u think your sm is the wicked witch of the west but obviously some of u do care.
We just got to remember though and have to remind myself its the guy caught in the middle (Dad)or (husband)who sometimes makes it worse by hiding things from the wife or sd.
Lol am over it this has made me a better person this who stefamily s**t.
THANKS ALL FOR ADVICE
It took me 2 years before I
It took me 2 years before I rightfully put the blame / responsibility on DH rather then skids or myself.
I think I kind of get what
I think I kind of get what the original poster is saying.
One lesson we can gain from listening to adult stepchildren is that rather than get caught up in the day to day battles, we need to be thinking 10 and 20 years down to the road. Stepkids will grow up. What kind of relationship do we want with them as adults? I want my stepkids to know that despite my faults, I did everything I could to provide them love and stability in a really difficult situation. These kids will grow up, get married, and have kids of their own. I'm less interested in "winning" and more interested in the long term relationships.
I'm thinking about marriages, births, Holidays, grandkids, ......
Steve, Great post as
Steve,
Great post as usual.
We should all learn from our own experiences and the experiences of others.
Best regards.
Certainly there are wicked
Certainly there are wicked step parents in the world. Your SM may very well be one.
I was raised by my own parents who have now been married for 48+ years and there are things they both did that I remember from my own growing up that are unpleasant. All kids have memories of childhood and their parents that are unpleasant. That is part of growing up.
That has not stopped me from developing adult relationships with them to the point that they are two of my best friends.
They will always be my parents but as an adult they are people that I seek to spend time with.
I recommend that you let go of the past as far as your SM is concerned and focus on developing an adult relationship with your Dad..... and your SM.
I have a relationship with my Mom and Dad and with my Mom separately and my Dad separately.
In your case the balance may be different than in mine but you can and should have these relationships as an adult.
As for being 27 and getting help from your Dad ..... my XW and I divorced when I was 26. I sold my business and used the proceeds to go back to school full time. My parents ended up helping me the last couple of years of college which I finished when I was 30.
My parents loaned my wife and I the downpayment for the first home we purchased together.
Dad is still my most valued professional mentor.
BTW, I am 46 years old.
Just my experience and observations of course.
Best regards.