"Adults" and their medical bills
This is truly just a vent - because my SO and I are not married and don't mix assets, so it's really not my business. But ...
I'm sitting here looking at bills (not snooping - they are in plain sight) to the tune of more than $4,000 for various medical bills for his adult kids.
SS25 has a college degree but has not worked a day in his life - doesn't appear he has any plans to do so. Lives in the basement in his mom's house. He has one more year to go before he ages-out of the health care plan. If anything happens to him after he is not insured, I know my SO will sell everything he has if needed to make sure he has the best possible medical care - he has said as much.
SS22 has been employed full-time since last summer with an expected income of more than $65K her first year. She also has a generous employer-provided health plan which I know she signed up for. Why she is still claiming medications on her father's plan is beside me, other than he is paying the bills for it. I didn't think you could be on two health care plans like that but evidently you can.
As I said, I really don't have a dog in this fight because it's not my business. But WTF!! This is so minor compared to what many of you go through yet illustrates that it never really ends - no matter how old the kids get.
Yet another reason why I am glad we did not get married and don't mix money. I sure would have something to say about it if we were ...
This kind of stuff gives me a mere glimpse of what some of the rest of you go through - and honestly, I don't know how you can stand it! You must all be made of much stronger stuff than I am, because I would have hit the door and not looked back. I am a bit aggravated to just see these bills and they aren't even my business. I can't imagine if they were being paid out of dual assets and I was having to fight about it.
My hat is off to all of you who put up with so much more and have done so for so much longer.
I know the feeling ... but
I know the feeling ... but like me, at least you aren't married and hopefully it's not impacting your finances. I am getting closer to retirement age and I can't imagine having my "golden years" be jeopardized by adult skids who never, ever seem to want to stand independently on their own two feet. Always a hand in Dad's pocket, it seems.
My parents never saw a medical bill from me once I turned 18 and had a full-time job. Never. Not once. Even after a significant surgery at 19 - I paid all the bills myself.
Yes, there is something
Yes, there is something liberating in knowing that if it doesn't work out, you can just leave. No big court fights, etc. In some ways, knowing I can just opt out has actually been of benefit - I stay because I truly choose to.
BM's mom pulls this. She
BM's mom pulls this. She takes him to doctors and dentists that are not in network providers or they just don't take the insurance at all and she puts DH's address down for the bills. This DOES effect my household, so I did say something about six months ago after I opened the mail and found a 972.00 bill for lab work that the insurance did not cover because it was not ordered by the PCP on the insurance. I made DH call the doctor's offices he had bills for, explain to them that he is responsible for carrying insurance on the child, he does that, and that during BM's 50% of the time, if she chooses to take him somewhere else that is on her not him. The next time she took him in, they handed her over 400 worth of bills that had not been paid and told her they could not see skid until it was paid. She went thru the roof and called DH. If the stupid idiot would just take him to the PCP it would cost 25.00. She just did it to cause trouble for DH.
On a different note, my last relationship before I married DH, my ex had an adult daughter who was a nurse, married, had a very good income, and he still paid for everything out of pocket. He paid for lasik eye surgery and her boob job and he paid hospital bills two different times when she was sick with meningitis. I feel for you. Like you, with him, we were not married, we only lived together for over four years, we did not combine incomes, his money was his money, so I had no say, but still thought it was completely ridiculous.
Holy crap - boob job?? For a
Holy crap - boob job?? For a married adult? That's just crazy.
And yes, at least in his son's case, I think they are going to non-covered providers because otherwise it would just be co-pay.
Oh, and to add insult to
Oh, and to add insult to injury, his son has not spoken to him in a couple of years -wants absolutely nothing to do with him and tells others in the family he hates his father's guts. But has no problem sending him medical bills.
That is how these types of
That is how these types of kids, now adults, are. They are users and it doesn't bother them one bit to be that way, they think it is owed to them.
Yep, she had a baby and had
Yep, she had a baby and had no shame in complaining about what it did to her boobs, TO HER FATHER, and anything she wanted, she got. She wanted her boobs reinflated, and she got it.
your DH should know that
your DH should know that having two health insurance policies is really no benefit. they have a "duplication of benefits" clause whereby only one insurance will pay. the other will only pay if the primary doesn't cover the expense as much as they would. so, if you submit a $100 charge to the primary (your SD's ins) and they only allow $75, then the secondary ins. is asked to pay and they only pay $75, the insured with have to pay the balance.
if they submit to the primary and the primary pays $50 and the secondary allows for $75, the secondary will pay $25 and the insured still pays the remaining amount.
the insurance companies will not be held to both pay for the same benefit. however, they will accept a "duplication of premiums"!!
so, it doesn't pay to have two policies. we paid over $700 in premiums for a secondary health insurance policy and that insurer only paid $11 during that year. totally not worth it.
I am so glad I found this
I am so glad I found this board today. My Sd is 21 and her goal in life is to party all the time. Doesn't
Like to work, etc. She went to a rave party last week, got drunk, fell and skidded both her knees pretty bad and twisted her ankle!
Guess who paid for the doctor? I feel if she can afford fake nails, pedicures, lingerie, booze, weed, etc, that all bets are off.
Wow, boob jobs.
Exactly! SD does the same
Exactly! SD does the same thing - parties, parties, parties. Going to expensive clubs and dining out is pretty expensive habit. Every FB post is of her with friends and a drink in her hand. She also has mani-pedis, massages, facials, etc.
But when those medical bills come in, well heck, that's no fun. Just have them sent to dear old Dad! Can't take a cent away from party money ...
SS27 lives at home with us,
SS27 lives at home with us, pays “rent” (which we save for when he finally moves out)
He has a job with no insurance and has MAJOR problems with his hips
He needs bilateral hip replacements
He’s a cook, was a sous chef at a very nice restaurant, full time had benefits, but he lost that job… (immaturity, and lack of respect for his boss… to be honest)
He was offered insurance paid for by the woman that owns the fancy gourmet café’ where he works, when he started there
He never took her up on her offer
He now really needs to have both hips replaced
That’s time off work (no paycheck)
Major surgery costs major money. He doesn’t have it
He left a good paying job at a country club that had insurance a month before he was eligible because he felt “stifled” there
REALLY?!?
You want creativity, be creative at home!
My husband and I discussed this and we are in agreement, we are NOT paying his medical bills, no matter what they are
He can go on public assistance and get “free” insurance and whatever else before we are going to be saddled with that kind of debt
(DH is way too close to retirement age to have to worry about other people’s bills)
How sad he needs double hip
How sad he needs double hip replacement at such a young age. When I was 19, I had a job I did not like but it had good benefits. I needed some surgery so I knew I had to stay at that job until after I had it done. Which I did. Later, I found another job I liked but I never would have been so foolish to give up a job w/health insurance when I know I had a health issue! I was 19 and had figured that out. So what the heck are these "adults" like your SD thinking? I just don't get it...
it's tough, but he's known
it's tough, but he's known this for a very long time. Being in the hospitality industry, jobs with health benefits are few and far between, he's had TWO Jobs with health benefits, short term disability, and one even had a 401K... but unfortunately, his Daddy has always come to his rescue for every tight situation he's ever been in, he's never had to bail himself out, he's never had to tough anything out he's never had to climb up out of anything, or pull himself up by his own bootstraps, the concept of "tough love" is not one that my husband could grasp for a very long time, he's done his son a horrible disservice, because I believe this is why he's left these jobs to move on to jobs with lower pay and less benefits, so that he can be "more creative"
(insert eye roll here)
Ha! Maybe she can drag those
Ha! Maybe she can drag those expensive nails along the road to stop her car!
SS27 called a couple of days
SS27 called a couple of days ago (first time in two weeks) whining about some infection that was going to kill him. I had sepsis this summer so I guess he thought it was a good excuse.
I know he wanted DH to send money. I only heard DH's side of the convo. He was telling he needed to have it looked at. SS was whining about not having insurance I guess when DH told him he could go to an urgent care for what he spends clubbing in a couple of nights.
DH did not mention one word to me when he finished the conversation. I didn't ask any questions either. No money was sent.
All right! We're talking
All right! We're talking priorities and your DH understands it! Good for you!