Adult stepson leaving stepmom out of Thanksgiving
Forums:
Hello- I am desperate for advice and really not sure if I am right or not:
My husband -we are married for 5 years, has a 33 year old son with 3 grandkids. I am a nurse and have to work Thanksgiving- my husband and I had decided to have Thanksgiving on Friday.
His daughter and son want to have him over when i am working and do thanksgiving Thurs.
My husband says why should he sit home alone Thurs when I am at work all day?
I see his point but feel hurt they are scheduling this when they know I cannot come.
I feel my husband should celebate with me when i can be there and this sets a bad habit for his kids to leave me out.
Why can't he go and spend
Why can't he go and spend the holiday with them on Thursday and then celebrate with you on Friday. I don't think they are leaving you out. You are just unable to attend. I also think your husband is right. Why should he be penalized and have to sit home just because you can't get the day off? You guys already decided you would have your celebration on Friday.
I know you feel like you are being left out and I can totally understand, but think of your husband sitting alone on Thanksgiving.
Being a working SM I would
Being a working SM I would advise not sending a dish because after all you are not invited and were not considered in the planning of it. The extra time required to shop for ingrediants and make this dish is too valuable when you are working! I don't think that sending anything will make them miss you as they probably look upon you as simply dad's wife since you came into their lives after they were grown.
I also recommend that you (unless you have invited other quests) cancel Friday's Thanksgiving celebration and schedule something special for you to do. Your husband will have already celebrated Thanksgiving and unless you love to work in the kitchen - I would spend the day conecting with people that cared about me and doing things that I enjoyed. For me that does not include cooking LOL! If you decide to cook on Friday - hubbbie will just have to eat turkey 2 days in a row!
Since you will be working I would not say anything about husband attending without you but I can certainly understand why you are upset. But in the long term you should remember that raising a fuss when you will not even be around may be counterproductive when similar issues with the adult stepkids come up again and it is more likely than not that they will! Take the high road here and act as though you encourage his spending time with his adult skids when you are unavailable as long as it does not cut into your hoiday celebration plans. I would draw the line only when it cut into my plans.
For clarity- I just have one
For clarity- I just have one question:
This dinner that your DH is going to on Thursday- is this the dinner that you were going to ORIGINALLY have at your home on FRIDAY with those SAME GUESTS? And now it's going to be MOVED to Thursday instead?
If this is the case, then yes, I would be hurt, because you and your DH FIRST planned to host dinner with these people at your home on Friday...and now they're ditching you and moving it to Thursday.
They could do OTHER things on Thursday- go other places with other people, but the ORIGINAL people who were supposed to come to your home on Friday should stick to honoring their original commitment of coming to your home on Friday if it is that important to you. JMHO.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
I don't think thats it...she
I don't think thats it...she said her and DH planned on celebrating together on Fri...sounds like she doesnt want him celebrating with his kids without her. I don't see why he shouldn't go see his kids on Thanksgiving if you're going to be at work. Why should he have to sit home alone and not see his kids? Makes no sense. That doesn't change your plans to have a Thanksgiving dinner with him on Friday, right? I don't think his kids are trying to exclude you, I think they are just having a Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving. His son and his family are simply celebrating and are inviting your DH because there is no reason for him to sit home alone.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
It was a little unclear to
It was a little unclear to me, Melis, which is why I asked her for the clarification.
If she and her DH were originally planning to have everyone over to their home on Friday (his son, the grandkids, etc) to have the "official" Thanksgiving celebration and now it's being MOVED to Thursday (when she cannot come), then yes, I could see why she'd be hurt.
Now, if she and DH are planning to have their "official" Thankgiving dinner on Friday just the TWO OF THEM ALONE, and her DH will be alone on Thursday anyway, then you are correct- she's gotta let it go and let her DH go to his son's house.
See the difference? I think it makes a huge difference in why she might be feeling slighted.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Have him go where he wants
Have him go where he wants on Thanksgiving, since you have to work and on Friday spend the day with him as your thanksgiving.
I am also a nurse and have found Thanksgiving is the worst holiday to work. It's the first real holiday of the season and after working one 12 hour day shift on Thanksgiving once, I refuse all others. Its a lonley thing to work on Thanksgiving.
so... this year have your thanksgiving on friday with your husband, but don't count on the family being there as most people celebrate it on the correct day which is Thursday.
I think your husband should
I think your husband should be able to go to his son's house on Thanksgiving , guilt free. It is a holdiday and you do have to work. I would put a smile on and wish him a good time with his grandchildren.
If you want to celebrate together on Friday great, thanksgiving is a long weekend and think of the yummy leftover on Saturday.
But let him enjoy his son and grandkids, you do have to work and fair is fair.
pick your battle carefully, you dont want to give the family or your DH a reason to be upset with you, plus it makes you look petty.