I have been feeling so alone, bitter and frankly, depressed, until I came across this site. (Thank you so much!) I have been venting to my girlfriends, family members, and complain so often I am starting to hate myself. I am NOT this hateful, unhappy being I am becoming.

My husband and I have been together for 19 1/2 years, I met him when he was at the tail end of his divorce from his first wife. Together they had one daughter, whom came into my life when she was 19 months old. My parents divorced when I was an infant, and I myself went through horrible marriages and boyfriends of my mothers. As such, I have tried very hard to respect my SD's BM, and step back on decisions regarding the SD....have always talked positively about the ex wife..etc etc.

My husband and I moved two states away, 11 years ago to be near my mother and to get my husband away from gambling and drinking behavior. And good thing too, as my mother was a god send with our surprise twins late in life. Our twins are 6, and additionally have a 17 yr old and 14 year old. I work FT as a case manager with a not for profit, and H is an OTR driver, gone most of the time.

SD is now 21, and since high school has been going nowhere. Job hopping, been kicked out of every family member in her home states house for rude, inconsiderate and immature behavior. We invited her to come and stay with us TEMPORARILY, so that she could stay in our shop/family room, find a job, explore our area and decide what she wants to do with her life. She SAID she wanted to go to school. She was here in July for a week and a half, visiting, during which we bought new tires for her car, gave her money, bought her a car full of household items, etc. Grand total about 1,000.00. We asked that she give us a two week notice to move down here, so that we could prepare, figure out details.

Instead...she calls one friday and says: "Ok Daddy, I finished out my two weeks. I am broke. Come get me! Oh...and I am bringing my boyfriend (BOYFRIEND? WHAT BOYFRIEND?). He is 22, just got out of rehab/jail and doesn't have a job or drivers license/Car. My H, just said...OK. And informed me later. We were literally shouting at each other the day he left to get her, labor day weekend. I was upset that the boyfriend was thrown on us, and that we live in a rural area, 35 miles from nearest large town in any direction. HOW was a young man with no license/car realistically going to support himself? Within four days of arriving, SD informed my H that she 'needs money to make car payment and insurance, daddy'. Naturally, I was asked to mail a check.

Nearly three months later, both JUST started jobs this week. SD car nearing repossession, the boyfriend is a raging alcoholic, bi-polar/manic depressive whom has had three very serious seizures due to the medication he is on and drinking nearly three gallons of vodka a week. The SD is bulemic, manic depressive, lazy, entitled, immature and self centered. We have been struggling to feed eight people...and the more food in the house, the more my step daughter eats and throws up. I cannot say ANYTHING to her, such as 'please wash your own clothes, towels, etc', give them a timeline for moving out (May 1), ask them to buy their own food, pick up after for themselves, etc. When I did all of these things, I get either her SCREAMING at me, wage a smear campaign with my H, and/or pouting for a week minimum.

I am raising four young children...our responsibility. I pointed out to her that as an adult, she is a guest in our home and MUST follow my rules (which are few), or leave. She really plays on the guilt with her dad....'you abandoned my daddy when you moved and ditched me'...blames all her issues on him. It is killing him. She is manipulating him!

I cannot stand taking food from my kids mouth, to be thrown up and out on the lawn. I will not tolerate her boyfriend. He too....plays the poor me card. His parents divorced when he was 18....screwed up his world. Blames his alcoholism and depression on his father for remarrying and moving to another state. I am so damn tired of it! The SD has been in and out of therapy for 6 years....the boyfriend in treatment and therapy. What am I to do? I have to protect my young children and my marriage. I have started to think about leaving my husband.

Any encouragement or advice would be so greatly appreciated.