Why does your Dh allow this? Is he afraid of 'losing' her somehow? What does he say when you ask him this.
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

Why do you care how much time he spends with his kid?

I think if he wants to spoil a kid that's his decision and any problems that come out of it are his. As long as he's not spending vacation money on her I'd sit back and watch the show.

Your husband will catch on eventually. He did, after all, leave his ex and her leash.

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There's an exception to everything I say.

Sorry I didn't respond to you sooner; this site saved my LIFE regarding my "adult SDs"....they are now 30, 29, 25, but when I met my H almost 7 years ago, they went BALLISTIC that "daddy" had a new "girl". As I've said many times, I could have had wings and a halo, and they would have hated me.

This is a case where you really MUST HOLD YOUR GROUND, or you will be SECOND to her for the rest of your life, and that's just not normal. Before we married, I broke up with H several times due to their meddlesomeness. They felt that they were "joint partners" in our relationship and that they should be included in everything. NO FREAKING WAY!!

After I joined this site, I found the backbone to tell them "If you ever interfere in MY LIFE AGAIN, if you EVER disrespect me in MY HOME, your dad and I ARE THROUGH, and YOU have to live with yourselves knowing YOU ruined the best relationship your dad ever had". It DID WORK, they have backed off incredibly. But, the thing, Mrs. D. is that you HAVE TO MEAN IT. Leave for a weekend and don't contact him. Let him KNOW THAT YOU WILL WALK OUT if things don't change. (And, in brat SD's heart, as well as in my SD's hearts, they KNOW that the situation is not "normal"....grown women hang out with people their OWN age, not their "daddy". Sure, you have a relationship with your dad, but you don't call him five times a day or every time you have a gas bubble.)

I totally relate to your dilemma. Stay strong, don't let her push you around.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

I agree with Crayon on this one! I have said it a thousand times! ITS CODDLING! ITS BABYING! IT DOES NO ONE ANY FAVORS! " If you have a two year old who you are teaching to walk, they will NEVER NEVER learn how to do it on their own unless you LET GO OF THEIR F***ING HAND!!!!!! Literally, they need to fall on their face, scrape their knees, get bruises, etc...but finally they will learn how to do it if you just let go. I am so sick of people being 'friends' with their children too. And I'm going to say it, WTF is Orange thinking??? Typical. Typical. Enjoy the show. Yeah. Great advice Orange.

And here is further evidence of my words of above on Oranges lame comment above that ....I received this joke in my email about two or three days ago. Its a gem. I've posted it here for enjoyment, and Orange pay attention and MAN UP BUDDY! hahahah

Subject: Why Men don't write advice columns

Dear Walter,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbors' daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I'd leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Sheila

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine... Start by checking that there is no debris in t he fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

WALTER

THIS IS WHY MEN SHOULDN'T GIVE ADVICE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. .....FOREST FOR THE TREES MAYBE???? HAHAHAHHAHA

I agree with Orange Co on this and I speak from experience. I have a 26 YO SD who has been attending college fulltime since she was 18 and is STILL not finished!! My DH continues to pay for tuition, books, insurance and cash advances when she needs them. We're not wealthy but we are okay finanically. I just let it go. She's out of my house, I have a strained but cordial relationship with her and I'm okay with that. I had to attend AlAnon meetings to get my head straight on disengaging in DH's and SD's enabling relationship but I finally get it. It's none of my business if my DH wants to give give give and spoil his daughter. He's not doing her any favors but who I am to say otherwise? I still think that I'm right but I'm much happier now that I've let it go. It's their business not mine. I no longer offer an opinion or interfere. They never listened to me anyway!
Glynne

Hi D,

I'm a sober alcoholic so step 1 for me means realiziing that you are powerless to change your DH and SD. They will continue in this dysfunction with or without you. You cannot change them. Take a breath and accept that.

Step 2. Turning it over or asking for help. This was very hard for me. This site is very good for this but you can get help also from DH. I had to ask my DH not to involve me in his interactions with SD. I don't want to know what she is saying about me or blaming me for this time. DH knows that his interaction with SD is his business and not mine. Too often I took his side in an argument, they would make peace and I'd still be angry. Attending Alanon meetings also helped. It's another outlet and support system. Plus Alanon taught me that it's not my role to change DH or SD.

Establish your boundaries and enforce them. Like the boundary of DH's and SD's interactions. I also do not allow any one on one time with SD - I have learned albeit the hard way that I need a witness so that my interactions with SD and not "misinterpreted". Also, SD must call before she comes over, and she must enter our home baggage and drama free. This allows me to prepare for an encounter with her (Alanon meeting, excercise, massage, whatever it takes) and to be cordial and civil to her.

Limit your time with SD and with SD and DH. My DH and SD have a seperate relationship. They go out to dinner, talk on the phone, text etc. That is fine by me. I don't need or want to know the details. Also, no open ended visits. SD is invited over for holiday/family dinners or to meet with DH. There is a beginning and an end to her visit. I can tolerate a few hours with her.

Practice and repeat the above.

I COMPLETELY understand you. This week, I must have dinner with DH, SD and SD's new boyfriend. Before the dinner, I'm exercising, I attended an Alanon meeting over the weekend and I'm on this website now. The dinner may not be perfect and I won't look forward to it but I'll get through it.

Does SD still annoy me? YES. Does DH enabling behavior bother me? YES. Do I let their behavior define my life and my relationship with DH? NO and HELL NO. VALUE YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE. Try disengaging a bit and let DH know that you are doing this and WHY. Good luck and please let me know how you are doing.

Glynne