Wow! THANK YOU StepTalk!! 

It's been 16 months since I left that sham of a marriage to the guy I accidentally married after a 5 yr long-distance relationship (3 hour drive apart). He and I are both in mid-50's, both claimed to want to be married to each other. I was happily unmarried for almost 20 years. While I was trying to fit the proverbial square peg into a round hole (pun intended), exDH was having more than an emotional affair with his DaughterWife, age 23 then. They staged it so I could walk in on it a few times in different positions, in the house that exDH and I had just bought. My dog and I didn't sleep one night the entire time we lived in that house of hell. I even did a cleansing ritual and smudged that house but to no avail, the evil there was too strong. 

*See first post on 6 March 2020. I bailed out on 19 March 2020 after living in that house for 43 days. I moved back to the beach, a nicer one, 2 1/2 hours away. I NEVER LOOKED BACK. In fact, I kept watching my rearview mirror through my tears of relief to escape the house of hell and mostly, him. My goal was to get my happy back and invite peace into my life. I got my happy back and now have peace!!

THANK YOU to the folks on here for giving me the push, funny sarcasm and hard truths that I needed to escape a situation that was not going to get better, as exDH promised, even after couples counseling to discuss boundaries in the new home. Divorce was filed after 2 months and the divorce finalized 4 months later. So it took twice the amount of time to divorce the disordered guy (far from being any type of man) than the marriage lasted. Cost me about $3K and I signed the quick claim deed to put an end to it, at the very end. I made it drag out as I put the final screws to him, as he deserved every bit of it. ExDH kept leaving messages to 'let's be friends' and 'I love you so much' type of crap but I refused to reply. No contact is no contact. It works for a reason! 

It took me a few weeks of full no contact with exDH, a lot of sleep, and a great therapist to help me realize that exDH really does have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). And not just the traits that I sniffed out and of course, the gaslighting had me doubting myself all the time, and of course I made excuses wanting to see the 'good' in him and his flying monkeys. The Karma bus hit him and his DaughterWife23 with severe health issues since I escaped. ExDH was already turning me into a nurse for not only him but for her and the live-in maid, cook and therapist. I would bet that exDH is still paying for the BEST for DaughterWife23 now that she's living all over the country with her homeless boyfriend. The loneliness and stage 4 cancer will continue to burn exDH until he dies. The last pic I saw of him, he looked grey and gaunt. Yes, I peek on social media from time to time...keep your friends close and enemies closer. I did 'settle' for this clown and his ill-mannered 20-something entitled daughters, especially the one that was scantily clad and all over him. Well, it was mutual between the two of them. Yuck.

So, how do we exSM's get our happy back after going through the emotional roller coaster with Disney dads and their awful spawn? I did a few things that I would have likely never done had I stayed with someone who (that I allowed) kept me on pins and needles with all the acts of service I could DO for him and his ungrateful spawn. He would say, "My girls love everything you do for me and for us/them." DO for him and them. Yup.

1) While it's so easy to blame other people, I learned as much as I could about myself. Those childhood wounds that reopened by exDH were in need of healing, I have two great therapists and a therapist mentor that invest in saving my sanity, nurturing growth and challenging me when I need it. I realized that I have different morals and values than exDH.

2) I opened my own private practice, part-time, now that I'm semi-retired. I decorated my office the way that suits my client needs and I did it all and financed it all through busting my tail and working, mostly remotely, during 2020. PEACE is part of the name of my practice I had $45 to my name at one point during the divorce process. I am HAPPY that I worked so hard while I was healing, it was a LOT, but I've always had another successful career in healthcare, so I take pride in my thriving (new) career!

3) I redecorated my entire living space, each room is just what I love, beachy teals and boho glam, and what I don't like, I paint it with whitewash or paint a few layers/colors of chalk paint, add fancy knobs and make it my own! When my son visited last week, he said, "Mom, your place is nice, I love these colors!" I've been able to paint and tap into my creative talents that were buried for many years. 

4) While I have to spend quite a bit of time coordinating my disability medical care through the VA, I'm rated 100% combat-service veteran, I have learned to eliminate the things and distance myself from people in life that do not bring happiness or mutual respect to the table. I've kept myself in great shape even though I cannot exercise, currently awaiting the long-expected knee replacement and cervical spine surgery, but I've always taken care of myself and look younger than 55. I'm no longer being criticized or devalued for having PTSD or physical injuries and have released the shame that exDH layed on me.

5) I can eat whatever the F I want whenever I want! Just finished grilled salmon, broccoli and polished off a little box of animal crackers for dinner! I'm the boss of me, haha! 

6) Even though my 14 1/2 yr old pup passed away a few months ago, I am very thankful that I was able to work from home with her (she supervised me from the loveseat) during the pandemic and earlier this year. She deserved PEACE as well. She loved to romp on the beach after her vet visits every week or two. She passed peacefully in my arms at the vet, my son was able to Facetime from his deployment, we cried, and I played and sang our favorite meditation song 'Long Time Sun' by Snatum Kaur. 

7) I worked hard on forgiving myself and I am at PEACE. I don't need to forgive exDH or DaughterWife23 or the rest of those disordered individuals. They are nothing. 

I was driving home from my office on Thursday night after a 12 hour day, I cried with a sudden surge of happy feelings, it was strange. The next morning, I was filing paperwork and found the divorce and the date was the day prior. The Universe had something to do with that unexpected happy giddy feeling and tears out of nowhere the night prior! 

Peace and blessings and keep on keepin' on with helping folks on here!