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MELGDW's picture

Submitted by MELGDW on Fri, 12/11/2009 - 8:50am

I would love a section for people where the fathers have full custody. I have a hard time finding people to relate to on this site becuase usally the BM have custody. Being a SM with full custody with the BF brings on a whole new set of challenges.
Also some of us need a index on all the abbr. people are using.

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Fri, 12/11/2009 - 8:57am

There are ALOT of SM's who's DH's have full custody here. I'm sure you won't have a problem with finding someone to relate to here! Welcome!

The index of abbreviations is found on the left hand corner of your screen under F.A.Q.

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

confused_sm's picture

Submitted by confused_sm on Fri, 12/11/2009 - 9:21am

I am one of the SM's who's DH has full custody. You are correct, it does open a whole new set of issues. Do you have children of your own also? I have two SS's and 3 bio's. Is the BM involved?

Jbee27's picture

Submitted by Jbee27 on Fri, 12/11/2009 - 9:26am

I am a FSM who's FH has 80/20 custody. Which is pretty much full.
It sucks sometimes, but it is what it is.

Sara_Smile22's picture

Submitted by Sara_Smile22 on Fri, 12/11/2009 - 9:34am

I've been a custodial stepmom twice (two different marriages) over the last ten years. The first relationship lasted seven years, we had his/mine/ours kids all elementary and preschool ages who are now 8, 14, 15, 16, 17. My marriage now is to a man who did not have custody and I didn't think he would, but that changed about 2 years ago when his 15 y/o daughter moved in with us. She is 17 almost 18 now and the 8, 14, and 16 year old are my biokids. I think the primary difference for us custodial SM's is we usually end up with all of the responsibility, but none of the respect or authority that should go along with it. In both of my marriages, my husband's have been very pushy about me becoming the "Mom" that they wish they had given their children in the first place. There is a tremendous amount of guilt and then they heap a bunch of unrealistic expectations and responsibility on me....then, with at least two of the children who I term the 'golden children', typically the first or only borns in my experience, who they put in a peer to peer role and allow them to be 'bad' with little or no consequences. Also, in both situations I've struggled mostly with the Dad not being able to stomach actual parenting with the 'golden child' but being perfectly OK being strict and sometimes HARSH with my biokids, putting me in a position/bind of loyalty toward my kids and the hethen...in other words, discipline the hethen, put Dad on the spot and YOUR KIDS are gonna pay the price. That's my sore spot.