Pick up and Drop off locations
Hi all, I'm new here and came for many of the same reasons it looks like most of you did. I need to vent and get some advice. Just need some help dealing with my husband's ex wife.
My step son is 6 and my husband is responsible for all transportation as per their divorce decree. They've been divorced 3 years now, separated 4 1/2.
The BM frequently asks us to pick up my step-son at a different location than her house (her mothers or sisters house). We have done so without much complaint. Lately though, (the last 3 pickups) she's had my step-son at her sisters house swimming during the pick up time. This has caused him a lot of grief because we show up and he has to stop swimming and come with us. He screams and cries and throws a huge fit. It has caused my husband to become so upset he almost left without getting him. I told him that is exactly what the BM wants to happen.
This has caused a huge argument between them and has caused me to look into the laws about pickup locations as there is nothing in their divorce decree about pickup location. This is what the law says: "(5) If the noncustodial parent will be providing transportation, the custodial parent shall have the child ready for parent-time at the time the child is to be picked up and shall be present at the custodial home or shall make reasonable alternate arrangements to receive the child at the time the child is returned."
She takes this to mean that she only needs to be home for the dropoff, not the pickup. I take it to mean that she needs to be home for both.
What do you all think? And if she continues to make us drive all over the place and continues to cause my step-son grief during the pickup, what do you think we should do?
Thanks so much for any response.
Sounds to me like having the
Sounds to me like having the child ready, means having the child ready. Not soaking wet and in a swimming pool. Good luck with having them BM change anything though.
Yeah, and I think that she
Yeah, and I think that she will agree to that from now on thankfully. It just seems to me that there should be a law about where the pick up location is so the BM can't be at a different location every time or make us drive all over the place. She has literally had us follow her around town before to try and drop off my step son to her. She was at one store and as we're on our way to that store, she texts and says, oh I'm at this store now, come to this one instead and hurry because I'll be leaving soon. It was ridiculous. What is out there to prevent this type of behavior? I thought I had found it in the law posted above but maybe not...maybe it should have been in the divorce decree.
I don't know about your CO,
I don't know about your CO, but DH's specifically states that he is to pick SD up from BM's residence. It also spells out the exact time (6:00) and goes without exception. BM likes to cry and whine because she "can't be home" at that time but tough crap. She likes to try and negotiate alternate drop-offs with DH but then refuses to meet him when he's dropping off. I finally said no go and told DH to pick-up/drop-off at BM's house regardless. She used to pick various places for drop-off and pick-up to serve her needs and it was always different. It was too difficult to judge traffic and times and it was never consistent so when SD went to live with BM and custody was amended, DH requested the standard order be put in place and BM is now forced to go by it, even though she's always trying to alter it. He just says "if you look at the CO, it says..." and she shuts up.
"shall have the child ready
"shall have the child ready for parent-time at the time the child is to be picked up and shall be present at the custodial home **or shall make reasonable alternate arrangements to receive the child at the time the child is returned.**"
I don't think this means that BM has to be at the agreed pickup/dropoff location when it's time for DH to get SS/return him to BM. To me, this means that BM has to find another person to be there when it's time for the exchange if she can't make it. I know that in DH and BM's past and current court-ordered parenting plans, they've said that if one or both parents cannot be at the exchange, they have to make other arrangements.
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your input! Last night went very well. Even though she threatened not to be at her house and to deny the visitation all together, the BM was at her house, on time with SS ready. That made things much easier for him (no crying, fit throwing) he was happy to see us and ready to go with us. I hope it continues this way but we'll see....