No - you don't have to pay a thing and yes it is time to start separating your money from your DH's - he may not have felt it necessary to go after the BM but this could have helped him with her college - if he never had to use your money for the last 13 years that would be fine but I am sure that this is not the case - so tell hubby that he is on his own for college and it really would not hurt SD17 to help pay for it as well.

You can be sure that even after all of this time you have no legal nothing with her - if anything were to happen you would not have a legal leg to stand on so DON'T PAY FOR HER COLLEGE - LET HER DADDY DO IT!!

Have you spoken to your DH about it? What is he wanting to do?

So DH was too proud to go after the child's mother but wasn't too proud to take your money?

I would talk to him and find out where he stands on the subject....if he is expecting you to pay, tell him NOW that you won't.

Do not pay help pay for her college. Bio-parents shouldn't feel obligated to pay for their kids college either. I have a Step Dad that raised me and when it was time for me to go to college neither him or my mother helped me at all. I didn't think they had to unlike the kids now who think their parents should. I am only 25 so it's not like times have changed that much since then. If parents want to help fine, but you don't feel obligated.

Another: Same thing happened to me. DH has Court order that BM pays 40% of medical/dental bills. So I paid for both skids braces (as my household contribution via health spending account) and he won't ask her for ONE PENNY. Not that I want it but the principle: why do I pay for your spawns braces and BM doesn't pay a penny? AND why do you pay her Child Support and not enforce visitation? WTH is going on here?

If you do separate accounts does that mean that you will separate out bills too? And if DH runs short on money because he is helping pay for SD's education that means you pick up the difference, so aren't you still helping?

I'm asking because I had a huge issue paying for SD college fees. She did have a scholarship but she and BM decided that she needed the experience of living on campus- and we got stuck with 60% of the bill (imagine that!). But DH wouldn't have been able to maintain his half of our family obligations, child support and SD college costs without pooling our money as one. My dd knows that we have had to help pay for SD because I have had to say, I can't afford that- we have book fees this month. And she knows that she is to not count on me to help in the same manner. I think helping is one thing, I think courts mandating is something totally different.

This was something I made perfectly clear to my husband when we got together. I have two daughters and they are pretty close in age. There was no way I could afford to pay for both fo them to go to college essentially during the same time, save a year. So I told them they would have to get scholarships, pel grants or apply for financial aid. I would help with some of their living expenses and books.

I told my husband that even though his kids are younger and there is a lot more time in between, I was not willing to pay for his kids' college and if he was going to plan on paying for it, then he would have to get a second job to contribute to it. I still will extend the same offer to his kids that I offered to my own, however, I was not paying tuition.

Thankfully we are both on the same page and this is not an issue because it truly would be a deal breaker for me.

I think it is very important to make ourselves clear on what we are not willing to do and stick to it.