Bio mom making our life hell
I have been with my husband for 4.5 years and I have been in my step-sons life for 4yrs. When me and DH started dating things were good between me and the BM I would pick him up from her house and take him to sports activities when she had to work. One day I emailed BM about SS soccer and DH got a phone call saying if I ever e-mail her again I am going to get a punch in the face and that because I can't mind my own business that we are not going to see SS until she talks with her lawyers. So after 4 months of not seeing SS and her parents/new bf calling us and threatening us we were finally able to start seeing SS again 1 day every other weekend, and that's all we can get because DH disappeared for 4 months when his son would call him all the time(lies made up by BM to cover all her other lies). So BM finds a boyfriend and they get married within a year of dating and she wants SS to take her new husbands last name. Obviously DH says not a chance in hell. Then the icing on the cake was we get a text from BM saying if I ever hug her son again there are going to be problems, and I should not push affection on him and it is disturbing. I am very affectionate with SS as I have been in his life since he was 2 and SS and I are very close. I do not give her my view of how he should be raised to her if I ever have concerns about SS I talk to DH and he talks to BM about it. BM now says that we are not going to be able to see SS again until she says because I can't keep my f-ing mouth closed, I am a crack head(I actully laughed at that one), SS hates me and never wants to come over and that DH does not have SS best interests in mind because won't let BM change SS last name to new husbands name. I don't know what to do, if DH says anything she just won't let us see him for longer, she doesn't follow the custody arrangement that SHE made up. We pay child support on time every month, split all SS sports activities, buy him clothes etc, etc, etc. I have been kind and not said anything but her solution to try to hurt us is keep us from SS which only hurts SS. Everytime SS comes over he cries when we drop him off and always says he wants stay longer and he always wants to call us but BM won't let him. Help how do I deal with her lies and verbal/emotional abuse towards us and SS?
Yea, I told DH that I will go
Yea, I told DH that I will go to his games and stuff but I will not hug him bye anymore until he trys or asks why I do not anymore. I think it pisses her off that he likes to be with us and he really likes me. When we call he always asks to talk to me and as soon as his mom realizes it is me on the phone she makes him hang up. I wish she would get over this grudge since shes married and has a baby on the way. DH tried to get her to go to mediation because the lawyer said that is the first step and when that fails then we go to court. We do have something registered with the courts but the lawyer said lets wait a couple months before we go back and he told DH to only communicate with her through e-mail so we will have proof of what she says/threatens and its not going to be a he said/she said situation. It was so easy at first and we all got along I never thought it would turn into this. Her mother told DH shes still upset that are not together and things didn't work out and it makes her angry to see us so happy. Shes allowed to feel however she wants but she should not take it out on SS. She can call me every name in the book, I don't care anymore but it kills me to see the toll it is taking on SS.
Spring for a really good
Spring for a really good lawyer. That's what she's doing. Probably with his money. Document every single bad thing she says, every threat, name-calling session etc. Write it down in a notebook. Keep all emails and texts from. Do not respond negatively in any way. Typically the court sees things this way; which ever parent is attempting to make things work out the easiest and it attempting to get along the best...wins. It's a long road but it can be done.
Please realize that your
Please realize that your husband has rights here! encourage him to get a lawyer, and fast! No child should be cheated out of having their father in their life because of a jealous and angry bio mom. What she is doing to exclude your husband from his son's life is wrong, and is actually considered illegal in some states. Document everything, and be very mindful of everything you or your husband do or say. Remember that any reaction from you can and will be used against you- no matter how minor it may seem- and most likely, a reaction from you is exactly what she is seeking. Look up fathers rights forums online- there are lots of people out there who have been through similar situations, and there is free legal help available. Best of luck to you and your family.
This is what you need to
This is what you need to do:
1. start documenting everything
2. get together any documentation (reciepts, emails, recordings, ntoes you made, etc) from the past
3. call an attorney immediately
BM is alienating the kids from your husband. that is illegal and judges dont like it. talk to a lawyer as soon as you can.