Statement from DH's kids about what a bad SM BM#2 was in a custody case...thoughts?
SS14 and SD12 had the displeasure of experiencing BM as a step mom. BM#1 was never in the picture so all they had was BM#2 and when she got preggers with SD6 and DH married BM#2. She treated SD12 (who was six at the time) very poorly, BM#2 rebuked SD12s attempts to gain her favor and affection and treated SS14 (who was 7 at that time) as though he was just a nuisance. After two years the relationship dissolved and she didn't keep in contact with them at all, never asked after them and ignored them entirely when she would drop SD6 off or pick her up. As a side note, I know there are lots of horror stories about skids that may as well have been spawned by Satan but these are damn good kids! They're sweet, well mannered, respectful and just good hearted kids so it's mind blowing to me that she could treat them so badly!
Well now we're in the process of trying to get placement of SD6 because BM hasn't changed and is just as bad of a bio mom as she was a step mom. I'm wondering if a letter from SD12 and SS14 about what life with her was like would be relevant, helpful or even admissible. SD6 is too young to bring into court and we wouldn't want to put her through that, but I'm wondering if a judge will be willing to consider the opinions and experiences of the older two. We're working on getting all of our ducks in a row and we can prove that she's negligent when it comes to providing medical and dental care, that she's ignored SD6's psychological problems and hasn't followed through with counseling, SD6 is behind in school and we have documentation that shows BM didn't sign her up for summer school despite adamantly insisting that she did. Additionally, her on again off again boyfriend has been physically abusive in front of SD6 and she's even changed her phone number because of it. We're hoping to get a statement from her old best friend who has cut off all contact with her because of the douche BF but what do you guys think about getting a character reference from the older kiddos?
I have no experience in
I have no experience in custody issues so feel free to 86 my advice but my first reaction was: RADIOACTIVE.
Judge may find you bad guys for dragging kids into adult affairs. Also that knife cuts both ways. In 1 or 3 years when those kids are mad at you for some reason they may write another letter to the judge about you! Skids may at some point even resent having been made to talk trash about her officially. Or maybe they are even fudging their stories for reasons of their own such as that it makes Dad smile.
Me? I would keep them out of it. If the judge asks for them, I would cooperate but I would not initiate their involvement.
They see SD6 come over all
They see SD6 come over all disheveled and in poorly fitting clothing, unhappy and complaining about how BM doesn't do anything with her, which evokes an emotional response from them because they can relate. Both his two kids and BS13 all want SD6 to 'just stay here' and they want to help but I can definitely see both of your points. I think DH and I are just concerned that there seem to be so much bias given to BMs regardless of their shortcomings or downfalls. She lies through her teeth; she doesn't have any friends so we asked her about the last time SD6 attended a birthday party; the woman actually responded with SS14's birthday, which was our weekend and at 14, we obviously didn't have a party. I think it's hard to trust that the right thing will come out of a court date.
I think if you want to reach
I think if you want to reach a compromise with yourself you might consider whether you have the 2 older kids write a statement of how much they love and welcome the little girl and leave it at that.
I'm still not sure that's wise at all but if you just have to involve them, I would talk myself into limiting it to that.
Talk to your attorney. I
Talk to your attorney. I would consider putting the older skids on the stand.