Should I go to court?
First of all, I have been lurking for awhile and learning how to disengage, but I fear my marriage is over already due to the antics of the BM, SS17, and the total lack of boundaries that lead to this situation.
Anyway, in the next few weeks my husband has three court dates, for contempt motions and restraining order fighting (BM is trying to use ROs to keep my husband away from their children, he has a lawyer defending him.).
I have always gone to court with him for support. BM looks really crazy-- giant tattoos on her neck and arms, homemade haircuts that make her look like she just got out of prison, and a just fake-sobbing and aggressive air. Her boyfriend looks homeless. My husband and I look like solid middle class (or whatever the equivalent is these days) boring married couple. I had thought it might make a better impression on the judge for us to show a united front. BM's boyfriend always goes.
But... does it even matter? These court dates are really wearing on me. I am not adamant about not going, and my husband says for me to do what makes me feel most comfortable, but I know he prefers having me there. And if it helps his case, I'd probably go, but if it doesn't matter, I'd rather not.
What do you guys think?
I would go simply because
I would go simply because your DH wants you there.
I don't think it affects the case in any way.
I never missed a court date
I never missed a court date to be by my bride's side. I was there for her and to bare the SpermIdiot's ass and SpermGrandMa's ass if they so much as deviated one iota from fact or the truth. Did it make any difference? Legally I don't know and even doubt it but it sure made a difference to my wife and to me knowing we were there together.
I know that it sure irritated the SpermClan when I was there. Early in our CO years it was because they could not manipulate and intimidate her like they could before I arrived on the scene. DW was 16 when SS was born. DickHead was 22. He and SpermGrandMa would tag team my DW over every little thing. We married when DW was 18 and before SS turned 2yo. Before we married DW was an 18yo single teen welfare mom, fulltime college student working two jobs. SpermGrandMa was DickHeads bank in the court battles. DW was taking out supplemental school loans to fight them.
When I showed up it was instant financial resource parity even though we married a few months after I graduated with my engineering degree and was not raking anywhere near the big bucks. Quickly the financial big stick was firmly and forever in our hands and it just kept getting more so after DW finished her undergrad, we both finished MBAs and she became a CPA.
My point is that you and DH are a team and together you will have each other's backs, protect SS-17's best interests and work together to keep the financial, moral, character and honor big stick firmly in your hands and use it to form SS-17 in to a viable adult and beat BM in to submission with it.
I would go.
It would help to show the
It would help to show the support and stability of your relationship. If you do not go, it may show your lack of support and possible apathy, which is not good.. I would go, even if the reason is JUST to support your husband. Marriage over or not, he needs you, whether he admits it or even knows it. Especially if BM's bf is going. You both show up as a united front and it will show the Judge a more positive side to you guys than if you don't go. Good luck!
I only went to one court date
I only went to one court date with my husband over the past 15 years and the only reason I went was to rebut what was said about me at the previous hearing by BM and her brother (whom I never met). The rest of the court dates, he did on his own. I did not chose to get myself involved with a skank and produce two children with her. He did, and that is his cross to bear, not mine.